My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now and I love him with all my heart. He has problems SHOWING me he cares however he does verbalize his affection to me on a daily or so basis. We have been having problems for a while which I think are totally normal but we have ALWAYS had issues with our sex life. I am trying to meet him somewhere in the middle and he has been helping me with feeling insecure when we have sex. Recently I have been trying SO hard to fix that problem by asking for sex or hinting I'd like to and every time he has an excuse like " I don't feel good right now" or "I'm tired".

Ok fine, to be fair, he does have sleeping issues and he complains about being sick almost every other day it seems like so I just give him the benefit of the doubt. In the past year I've caught him masturbating to porn on his computer 4 times that I recollect. I've told him previously that it bothers me, its something I can't help but feel very insecure with myself and I cry every time. He just says Its natural and I am blowing this WAY out of proportion and I shouldn't feel that way.

So I suggested a way to make me happy : you can watch porn whenever you want as many times as you want as long as I'm not home. If I am home, you can either ask me first or masturbate without the help of pictures, video, etc. He could even ask me to JOIN in on watching the porn. I thought this was a reasonable solution. I don't know how many times I have to tell him "this makes me feel..." and so on. But I caught him again today and I told him we should TAKE A BREAK. I don't WANT to take a break but this seems like the only solution to let me have some piece of mind and to stop the hurt feeling I carry around all the time wondering if he is watching some other girl while I'm buying us food at the grocery store.

I know that cheating and watching porn are not equivalent but I don't see why if he is doing something he can help, that he wouldn't just do it less or stick to my solution because of the simple fact that I dislike it, it makes me sad, insecure and all those other negative feelings it brings up.

Every time I share my thoughts with him he makes up any excuse (which he calls reasons) to make me feel like this is my fault and he says "its normal, like breathing or eating" Its BULL is what it is. I'm not telling him to stop or to not look at porn. I just want my boyfriend to love me and have the decency to include me and my feelings. If he is not willing to compromise I see no other way then the front door.

It is not the porn, but his lack of sexual attention to you, I would assume if you were being satisfied, you would not care as much if he was watching porn.

I don't have a issue with watching the porn, but the fact is he is doing it instead of having sex with you, not on top of it.

I agree with Fr_Chuck, it's his lack of intimacy that's really bothering you. I understand your frustration with not feeling like he shows you that he loves/cares for you, and it is compounded by the fact that he prefers porn instead of actual sex with you; add to it his perceived inadequate reactions and responses and you've got a solid resentment.

There are a lot of things that factor into sex drive, though... and it usually stems back to some past experience and learned behavior. Does he have apparent insecurities about sex? As easy as it is to say that it's crazy for a guy not to want to have sex with his overly-willing girlfriend, it seems like a good sign that there's something "deeper" going on. The claims of not feeling good all of the time could also be signs of him requiring attention, but being unable to communicate it in a healthy way - these are uninformed assumptions on my part, though. While masturbation is considered normal, your feelings about it are what should effect him, whether you blow it out of proportion. Playing it down by saying it is like eating or breathing is just foolish.

A year and a half of dating, and intense feelings towards each other; couple's counseling would help you guys out a lot. You could voice your thoughts and he could form more acceptable responses in a setting that would promote growth, rather than frustration and anger, leading to an argument. If he isn't game for that, or at least to take your feelings into consideration, you would probably be best off leaving the relationship.

Good luck!

Forget the porn, that's a distraction. The real issue is a lack of honest communications. That's why you don't know what to do about the feelings you have because you have no clue what's really on his mind, or how it relates to you. When you make this about sex, or porn you distract yourself from the real issues, sharing thoughts that are essential for a couple to learn about each other and grow together.

I think you have to approach this from the perspective of what's going on in his head, and calmly explore it, without pushing. There may be a reason he doesn't have good communication skillls or is defensive about certain subjects. You need to know what that tired, sickness, and sleeplessness is all about. Get facts so any decision about the actions you have to take can be guided by them, and not just hurt feelings.

How old are you both, and how long where you together before moving in?