Kitty25
Feb 6, 2012, 01:27 PM
Hello everyone,
If someone else were to ask this question, I think I could answer. But when it's you, all the clarity goes out of the window..
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we have lived together for about a year and a half. We both come from two neighbouring cities, 30 miles apart. For logistical and financial reasons (and those lovvy ones too) we decided to live in his city, because it was easier for me to get to work from here. It's great here, we live in a lovely area and there's plenty of shops and things to do.
However (but, of course) it has meant that I have left all my friends and family in my own city and I miss them. I knew what I was doing and choose it, but that's not really the point.
Since we have been living here, my job has changed significantly and so has his. We don't have the same financial or logistical reasons to live together. It's just the case that he wants to stay here (he isn't originally from here either, but has lived here since university) and I desperately want to move back to my own city.
It puts a strain on our relationship. He doesn't see that it can be hard to find a new group of friends for me in this city. I volunteer at the local council and take French group lessons, get involved, but I don't have the same core of friends as I do back home because I haven't spent years building up tight bonds with them here (and that is the way I work when it comes to friends.) My job isn't even here.
I drive through my own city everyday to get to work - it's on the way to another city 20 miles further out - but I never really stop to visit because it's late by the time I am on my way home. And even if I were to stop (from time to time I do), it is not the same as my old friends popping around on a Saturday morning because they happen to be free. I miss walking down the street and recognising people or bumping into friends.
I have asked my partner if he would move to my town, and he is adament against it. Part of me tells myself that if I just leave it a little while longer, I will get over it and settle here (still counting.. ) But the other part of me is angry that I have made the compromise (even though I was happy to do it at the time, and don't blame him per se.) The rational part of me says that I should ask him if he wants to live in a different city from me - neither of us should surely have to compromise on things like environment or happiness.
It's not like it's a horrible place to live here, it's truly fab here. Is it home? No.
Asking my boyfriend if he wanted to part ways probably wouldn't go down too well with him, and if he agreed to it, it would go down even worse with me.
Loose, loose? Help me think this one through - it's life changing!
If someone else were to ask this question, I think I could answer. But when it's you, all the clarity goes out of the window..
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and we have lived together for about a year and a half. We both come from two neighbouring cities, 30 miles apart. For logistical and financial reasons (and those lovvy ones too) we decided to live in his city, because it was easier for me to get to work from here. It's great here, we live in a lovely area and there's plenty of shops and things to do.
However (but, of course) it has meant that I have left all my friends and family in my own city and I miss them. I knew what I was doing and choose it, but that's not really the point.
Since we have been living here, my job has changed significantly and so has his. We don't have the same financial or logistical reasons to live together. It's just the case that he wants to stay here (he isn't originally from here either, but has lived here since university) and I desperately want to move back to my own city.
It puts a strain on our relationship. He doesn't see that it can be hard to find a new group of friends for me in this city. I volunteer at the local council and take French group lessons, get involved, but I don't have the same core of friends as I do back home because I haven't spent years building up tight bonds with them here (and that is the way I work when it comes to friends.) My job isn't even here.
I drive through my own city everyday to get to work - it's on the way to another city 20 miles further out - but I never really stop to visit because it's late by the time I am on my way home. And even if I were to stop (from time to time I do), it is not the same as my old friends popping around on a Saturday morning because they happen to be free. I miss walking down the street and recognising people or bumping into friends.
I have asked my partner if he would move to my town, and he is adament against it. Part of me tells myself that if I just leave it a little while longer, I will get over it and settle here (still counting.. ) But the other part of me is angry that I have made the compromise (even though I was happy to do it at the time, and don't blame him per se.) The rational part of me says that I should ask him if he wants to live in a different city from me - neither of us should surely have to compromise on things like environment or happiness.
It's not like it's a horrible place to live here, it's truly fab here. Is it home? No.
Asking my boyfriend if he wanted to part ways probably wouldn't go down too well with him, and if he agreed to it, it would go down even worse with me.
Loose, loose? Help me think this one through - it's life changing!