My dad is unreasonable. I am a senior in high school but I have not been able to sleep, eat right, or even focus on school. I am exhausted and depressed. I have support with my boyfriend's family, but my dad hates him and does not know we are together. I have moved most of my stuff there already. I just have to tell them I am leaving. Can my dad be arrested for keeping me in the house against my will?

ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

If you are still in HS you may not be able to move out until you graduate.

His parents should be ashamed, even discussing or allowing you to move in, without talking to your parents first. How sad, does no one follow proper moral acts any longer.

Just how bad, what is really happening at home, just don't want you to date this boy perhaps

Fr_Chuck. Um excuse me. Who are you to tell me anything like that. You clearly do not know that I am living in a very controlling environment. I am an adult. I make my own choices. Maybe you don't understand that my living situation is making me depressed. I am oppressed from doing anything I want to do. I get screamed at and cussed out for being out of my house with my friend for two hours. Think before you make ignorant statements. I can date who I want. Especially him. The only reason they do not like him is because he has tattoos and a motorcycle. But he treats me like a queen. He has never done anything worth hating him for.

Listen... this is life... when you are old enough to graduate... get a job and support yourself, then you get to make your own decisions.. Hopefully you will get some maturity before you ruin your life. I haven't seen a shred of any in your post.

I mean cripes just listen to yourself... he can't even support himself yet... he's mooching off his parents. He has money for tattoos and a motorcycle... but not his own place... does he even have a real job?

I got to tell you this but Fr_Chuck has forgotten more in the last 24 hours about life than you even know yet. So have I.

Yeah.. its going to tick you off to hear this... but you are acting like a child.

Your parents are the only ones exhibiting any common sense.

I see you having a kid... and Mr. Perfect not only not supporting you or it... but he's off doing it to someone else inside of a year if you don't drop the attitude and listen to people that have a far better grasp of reality than you do.

Again, I have an attitude for good reason. He earned all the money his family has. He professionally raced the motorcycles and made millions. Thank you very much. His dad is 70 years old and retired he can not work. So he does not mooch off anyone. He takes care of his disabled dad. That is what his job is. He's entering the army. He has a life. And I have my own. I have a better grasp on reality than my dad does that's for sure. There's a difference between being protective and being emotionally abusive and controlling. If I don't like the situation I will remove myself from the situation. So YOU drop the attitude since you are not even answering my question.

again, i have an attitude for good reason. He earned all the money his family has. He professionally raced the motorcycles and made millions. thank you very much. His dad is 70 years old and retired he can not work. so he does not mooch off of anyone. he takes care of his disabled dad. that is what his job is. He's entering the army. he has a life. and i have my own. i have a better grasp on reality than my dad does thats for sure. there's a difference between being protective and being emotionally abusive and controlling. if i dont like the situation i will remove myself from the situation. so YOU drop the attitude since you are not even answering my question.
You are the one with the attitude here... and no I'm NOT going to drop it because every single . Child that had an attitude like you have I have ever known, has seriously screwed their life up. Not just a little but a lot. And I see a child not an adult when I read that.

Amazing how much you think you know, and yet how utterly clueless you are about everything.

Gee, how unique you are to be gifted with such expertise without ever having lived on your own. You must be the first 18 year old in history that has everything figured out before they have ever been on their own... (I'm being sarcastic because NONE do)


Its not too late to listen to people that know far more than you do... and that includes your parents. You haven't made mistakes that can't be fixed yet.
.

Well aren't you a lovely individual? I am absolutely not an idiot. I know I don't want to live in a household where I am not treated with respect.

Hello Ttaayylloorr,

You better listen to the experts here they have given the best advices if you listen to them is fine if not that is yours choice, you came to this website for help, if you don't need help, then I wish you a good luck.

John

well arent you a lovely individual? I am absolutely not an idiot. i know i dont want to live in a household where i am not treated with respect.

One of the first life lessons you have to learn.. is you have to learn how to give respect before you deserve any in return. And that starts at home.

If you can't even respect your own family... then you can't respect others, and you thus don't deserve any in return.

Personally you can jump off a bridge if you want, or step in front of a bus... you have to live the consequences of your actions... I'm giving you solid advice before you get yourself into a mess you will never get out of, and alienate the people in this world that care the most about you... and its not Mr. Tattoo, its your own family. He can turn his back on you and walk away as easy and fast as he can snap his fingers. And he will at some point. The only people you can count on in life is yourself and your family.

Im sorry maybe its me. But I don't see where the OP was rude to anyone. She got upset when she was attacked, and basically told she was a moral-less idiot.

And I would really like to see a cite of law that says an 18 year old cannot move out of their parents home. Because I do not believe that is true

An 18 year old can drop out of high school and move across the country if they wish.

Sorry. This is just my opinion.
But I believe this question was handled incorrectly and with harsh judgement.

I am an adult. I make my own choices.

I am oppressed from doing anything I want to do.
Huh? Those two statements don't make any sense together.

How old is your boyfriend?

Guys, the OP is 18. She can't be held against her will no matter what the jurisdiction, and she isn't listening to logic.

Ttaayylloor, you are being argumentative. No one called you an idiot or anything of the sort. If you think you can support yourself (not that your boyfriend and his parents can support you, because that will get old for them very quickly), and still finish school, then you do have the right. Legally, your parents can't stop you. And your parents have the right to withdraw all financial support and refuse to allow you to move back home. Be sure you have your ducks in a row before you do something you can't undo.

well arent you a lovely individual? I am absolutely not an idiot. i know i dont want to live in a household where i am not treated with respect.


Yes, he is a lovely individual and I don't think an educated adult person would be posting this question on a public board.

You lie to your parents. They don't treat you with respect. I think there's a link there.

And your boyfriend made MILLIONS motorcycle racing? Now that's something I know something about - tell me more.

Yes, she is a silly child who has no respect for herself or others, Of course she is lying to parents, not coming home when she should. No wonder she is not doing well in school.
It sounds like her family wants her to do good in school but she wants to run around, party and be out instead of being home.

And how old is this motorcycle man with all the tattoos? If his father is 70 my guess it puts in in the 35 to 50 year old range. So what mom or dad wants their child running around with a old man. What is he, about the same age as your parents ?

Also there is a front door, if you want to leave, walk out of it, you are out late at night by your own posts, so just don't ever return home no one is chaining you to the wall.
Although with this attitude and choices you seem to want to make handcuffs and a jail cell most likely will not be far away.

Part of growing up and making your own choices is making good ones.

Well good job everyone, showing this young lady how to act like a mature adult.

Have a nice day everyone.

I completely disagree with all this.
And thank you EVER so much for the reddie.

I'm 18 and I want to leave home but parents won't let me. What to do? Hello t:

You're an adult.. Pack your knives and go.

excon

First, to Schoolmarm, your advice may not have been correct. In some states an 18 yr old cannot be on their own until they finish high school. The OP is not being imprisoned. I asked where the OP was so we could the k the law. Instead of answering me she chose to this Chuck for invalid response. Based on the info posted it was a valid response

Second, I have doubts about the veracity of the OP. She states that her boyfriend has earned millions motorcycle racing, but is now going to join the army! How many millionaires would join the army?

In my opinion, the OP got answers she didn't like. These answers were based on what she posted. Instead of trying to clarify her situation so we could provide better advice, she chose to argue with the people trying to help her.

But the bottom line here is the laws where she lives. If the law says she is an adult when she turns 18, then she can move out, If there is a qualification about graduating first, then she is stuck.

So lets ALL calm down and let the OP give us the jnfo we need to answer her.

There are some locations that 18 is not the age of majority, and if in school, they can not just legally move out.

well good job everyone, showing this young lady how to act like a mature adult.

have a nice day everyone.

i completely disagree with all this.
and thank you EVER so much for the reddie.


I don't see a "young lady" in fact none of her actions show she is ever acting like a lady at all. And how anyone can consider she should run off with someone , who appears to be much older and not stay at home and finish high school is beyond me.

well good job everyone, showing this young lady how to act like a mature adult.

have a nice day everyone.

i completely disagree with all this.
and thank you EVER so much for the reddie.


Jennie, your sarcasm is unwarranted. I didn't give you the reddie. I don't know who did but please don't tar me with the same brush.

You disagree? Fine. Taking a swipe at the people who did offer advice helps no one.

What is your advice to her?

But I can not respect my family if they do not respect me. I follow their house rules. I don't drink, do drugs, I don't go out without telling them and I make sure it's OK. I help them when they need me to without question. My dad treats me like I'm nothing. He doesn't show me any love. He does not show me any respect as a daughter or as a legal adult. He screams at me for everything. I don't deserve it.

Actually everyone he is 20 years old. I am 18. His dad is much older than his mom. He made millions but got sued because I asked him to quit racing to save his life. I did not know he had a contract and they sued him. So that is why he's joining the army. To go into military police. The only reason I lie to them is because my dad doesn't listen to me. I can't tell him anything because he doesn't let me speak. And I am engaged to him.

Unfortunately, none of that really matters from a legal standpoint. If you feel you are being abused go to a guidance counselor at your school. They can get family services involved. If an investigation agrees that your parents are over stepping the bounds of parenting, then you will be placed in a foster situation until you have reached your majority (if you haven't already-you still haven't told us where you are).

If not, then you have to live by your parents' rules until you do.

I live in Nevada and I'm pretty positive that I can leave at 18. Im going to talk to my school police on Monday though. And for the record, I'm going to finish high school. And I do NOT party. I'm not failing, but I am getting a couple C's

When a teenager reaches the age of 18, he does not have to petition the court to make his emancipation official. It occurs automatically, along with the rights that come with it. An 18-year-old does not need his parents’ permission to move out of their home. If his parents don’t live together and a custody order is in effect, it no longer binds him. He can live with whichever parent he prefers."

http://info.legalzoom.com/nevada-law-emancipation-minor-child-20794.html

http://www.law.cornell.edu/wex/table_emancipation

http://law.findlaw.com/state-laws/minors-and-the-law/nevada/


Jennie, your sarcasm is unwarranted. I didn't give you the reddie. I don't know who did but please don't tar me with the same brush.

You disagree? Fine. Taking a swipe at the people who did offer advice helps no one.

What is your advice to her?

I didn't say YOU gave me the reddi judy. It was as general comment, since we can no longer see WHO gives reddies.

Sorry if I made you mad. I still disagree with how this question was handled

Thanks Jennie for doing the research. Laws of emancipation don't really apply here but as soon as you turn 18 you are considered an adult so the OP is free to move out.

OK, I'm free to move out. Yes, but can my dad be in legal trouble if he decides to barricade me in the house?

Then if you are an adult... MOVE. As long as you live under someone else's roof, you have to live by their rules... and its going to be no different if you move in with Mr. Prefect. You will be living under the rules of HIS parents since he's not self supporting if he doesn't have his own place.

However when you are an adult... NOBODY is under any obligation to house you, feed you, clothe you, or give you any money.

Adults pay their own way in life... completely. You can't have it both ways...

Being an adult comes with all the adult responsibilities. If you stay its YOUR choice and you will follow the rules of who pays the bills.

And you are in for one hell of a shock when you have to get by on what you make or do without... because its not going to be much.

Oh my god. That's not the question I want answered. I know I can move. However, if my dad barricades me or holds me in the house can he be in any legal trouble?

"he doesnt show me any love. he does not show me any respect as a daughter or as a legal adult. He screams at me for everything."

oh my god. thats not the question I want answered. I know i can move. However, if my dad barricades me or holds me in the house can he be in any legal trouble?
He won't try to stop you. How would he know you're leaving? Pack up all YOUR stuff you want to take with you, don't say anything to him, and leave.

again, i have an attitude for good reason. He earned all the money his family has. He professionally raced the motorcycles and made millions. thank you very much. His dad is 70 years old and retired he can not work. so he does not mooch off of anyone. he takes care of his disabled dad. that is what his job is. He's entering the army. he has a life. and i have my own. i have a better grasp on reality than my dad does thats for sure. there's a difference between being protective and being emotionally abusive and controlling. if i dont like the situation i will remove myself from the situation. so YOU drop the attitude since you are not even answering my question.


So who is taking care of Dad while the boyfriend is in the military police?

But, yes, move out. If your father attempts to stop you, call the Police. Expect your father to claim a LOT of what you are taking with you. The Police won't help with your belongings so then you'll go to Court and sue to get your belongings back.

But you'll be on your own.

I'd like to know more about making millions racing motorcycles. As I said - I have a connection.

You had said, "I know I can move. [I]f my dad barricades me or holds me in the house can he be in any legal trouble?"

You're 18. You leave home. (It's legal in your state.) Why would he get into legal trouble?

WG, I think she is asking, if she DOES try to leave, and her father physically restrains her and prevents her leaving, can he be in trouble.

And I don't automatically assume that her father wouldn't do that, my own parents frequently behaved that way.

Jen, why does he have to know she's leaving? Why can't she just leave without announcing the fact?

Oh I agree. I think she should quietly pack her bags, and move out over night.

But she is still afraid. I was terrified for years that my parents would take my daughter away from me, even though I was 25, KNEW they could not, and knew that they would be arrested if they tried. It made no difference, the fear was still there.

Of course... you might find the locks changed afterwards (I would change them)... But you are an adult and on your own. You don't NEED to come back. And being an adult, you wouldn't be entitled to come back. One of those things that go with being an adult.

If he does try to prevent you from leaving, then that could be considered unlawful detainment. That could get him in legal trouble.

So the question is why make it a confrontation? I'm assuming your father works. So while's he's at work, you pack up and leave. If you have to rent a trailer or U-Haul (TM), then do so. Because, based on what you have said, he's unlikely to let you back. Also, don't take anything that you can't prove belongs to you. Because he may charge you with theft.

That being said I do have to wonder at the question. It sounds to me like you would like to get him in trouble and are looking to deliberately cause a confrontation. I would strongly advise against that as it will open a can of worms you probably don't want opened.

I still have misgivings about your veracity. I strongly suspect you made up a lot of what you told us to to justify yourself.

Yes, one of my boys ( leaving on less than good terms) discovered, he really owned nothing.
I had bought the bedroom set, his TV and so on, he really owned nothing, He got his clothes in plastic trash bags.

The OP goes out, comes and goes, they are not chained to the wall. They can walk out and leave the house anytime they want.

So what do you own in the house, you will want to take? Just what you earned the money for and bought or what boyfriend bought you

Yep... she's got a seriously important life lesson to learn about not burning any bridges. But I guess its one she's got to learn the hard way since she's not listening to anyone that knows better than she does.

We ALL learn from our own mistakes. That's how humans grow and mature. By living live, and making mistakes and learning from them.

It is very difficult to learn anything from listening to others mistakes. Most of the time it is important for a young adult to make those mistakes themselves, and learn and grow from them.

It would appear to be because "most" of her "stuff" has already been moved and her father never noticed (according to OP) that she could move the rest of the "stuff" in the same fashion she moved the first "half." I agree with Scott - I don't think the whole story is posted here.

BUT I will add a caution to the "move out" advice - she may not be able to attend the same school if she moves out of the District. Don't know if she intends to. If she takes ANYTHING that is owned by the father and the "facts" are as posted I would expect HER to be arrested.

And as far as making mistakes in order to learn - I don't think that is necessary. If you're smart you'll learn from other people's mistakes.

Particularly the one of burning bridges. that's one that can follow you for the rest of your life.

I'm still paying for the one time I did that in the late 1980's. And wish someone had been as forceful with me to NOT do it at the time.

At least in my case it didn't involve family.

BUT I will add a caution to the "move out" advice - she may not be able to attend the same school if she moves out of the District.

Good point! If the OP changes her legal address, she may have to change schools.

"Her stuff" may includes stuff her dad bought for her, such as a cell phone, computer, TV, laptop, iPod, clothes, furniture... and he may try to reclaim them, as Fr_Chuck mentioned.

"Her stuff" may includes stuff her dad bought for her, such as a cell phone, computer, TV, laptop, iPod, clothes, furniture....and he may try to reclaim them, as Fr_Chuck mentioned.


- And that would involve having her arrested for theft.

I still want to know more about the million dollar motorcycle racer who is going into the Military to avoid a debt - or something.

- And that would involve having her arrested for theft.

I still want to know more about the million dollar motorcycle racer who is going into the Military to avoid a debt - or something.

It was because she asked him to stop racing and he had contracts to race.

But yes, first few racers even make into the 100's of thousand dollars, and those that do, would never stop for a girl. And if they did, they would go to management or advertising or something.

It was because she asked him to stop racing and he had contracts to race.

But yes, first few racers even make into the 100's of thousand dollars, and those that do, would never stop for a girl. And if they did, they would go to management or advertising or something.


I KNOW motorcycle racing. I'd like to know about the person who is making millions and can't be travelling to do so (although I would question that) and also cares for his father.

You don't get your bike out once a week, run around the track, pack up and go home.

So - unless her boyfriend is married to Pink, I don't think so.

I know ESPN listed only 15 motorcycle racers who earn over 1 million.

All will live on the road and only be home a few weeks a year.

He did motorcycle racing, offroad racing, cycling, stock car racing, raced in the laguna seca, and so on. He traveled to many different countries, and was almost never home when he did that. Don't tell me that I'm not giving you the full story. I intend to leave my phone and my computer and everything like that. My clothes, if he wants them back I will give them back and buy new clothes. Whatever. But the problem is that my mom and I are extremely close and I want to be able to say goodbye to her. So I don't know if I should calmly explain the situation to my dad and if he screams just leave immediately with my boyfriend and police outside waiting. Or if I should write a letter and leave while they're gone.

And he got offers for management and advertising, but he declined because he wanted that phase of his life to be over with.

he did motorcycle racing, offroad racing, cycling, stock car racing, raced in the laguna seca, and so on. he traveled to many different countries, and was almost never home when he did that. Dont tell me that im not giving you the full story. I intend to leave my phone and my computer and everything like that. My clothes, if he wants them back i will give them back and buy new clothes. whatever. But the problem is that my mom and i are extremely close and i want to be able to say goodbye to her. so i dont know if i should calmly explain the situation to my dad and if he screams just leave immediately with my boyfriend and police outside waiting. Or if i should write a letter and leave while they're gone.


I am having problems with your story. Your mother and father live together? She doesn't know some of your "stuff" is gone? She doesn't know you are lying about seeing this person? You are extremely close?


Any reason you have to say "goodbye" as you walk out the door and not afterwards?

I don't know where you live but I work with a LOT of Police Officers and none of them are going to stand outside with your boyfriend while you say goodbye. They are not an escort service.

About the millions he made racing - maybe he's lying to you and you're telling us what he said.

But the problem is that my mom and i are extremely close and i want to be able to say goodbye to her.
You can't tell her goodbye privately, and she won't tell your dad? If you can't trust her not to tell, just leave. She certainly must be aware of your difficulties living there (since you two are so close) and will understand. And then, in that case, don't even bother leaving a note. That sounds like you are daring your dad to do something, a sort of "in your face" thing to him. And certainly you will see her again, can meet somewhere, like this isn't goodbye forever, is it? (I'm getting breathless with all the drama.)

Did you ever mention how old the boyfriend is and how long you have been with him?

OK, my mom and dad are married. They've been married for 21 years. She knows I'm dating him. But she won't stick up for me because if she does that will cause a fight between her and my dad. I am on the third story of my house so my parents do not come up here very often. She asked where my clothes were and I said I'm doing laundry and the rest are in the dressers. So yeah. My dad has a history of drug abuse so he's very temperamental. I tell her when I go over to his house I tell her when I see him. She works in a medical office and gets his dad quick appointments etc. My dad is the problem. He uses fear and control to run the house. She has nothing against my boyfriend, in fact she likes him. Its my dad who has an issue. So, I don't want to just leave my mom and break her heart without fully explaining to her why I'm doing what I am doing.

So take your mom out to dinner and tell her your plans. She doesn't have to tell your father and you just finish moving out when he is not around.

I would think the father would be DELIGHTED that his daughter is marrying a millionaire. This is the way to approach the situation with him - I would think.

And if the father's abusive I would NOT involve the mother by telling her in advance because at some point the father is going to ask if she knew.

ok, my mom and dad are married. they've been married for 21 years. She knows im dating him. But she wont stick up for me because if she does that will cause a fight between her and my dad. I am on the third story of my house so my parents do not come up here very often. She asked where my clothes were and i said im doing laundry and the rest are in the dressers. so yeah. My dad has a history of drug abuse so he's very temperamental. i tell her when i go over to his house i tell her when i see him. She works in a medical office and gets his dad quick appointments ect. My dad is the problem. He uses fear and control to run the house. She has nothing against my boyfriend, in fact she likes him. Its my dad who has an issue. So, i dont want to just leave my mom and break her heart without fully explaining to her why im doing what i am doing.
I didn't ask if they are married. I wondered why you couldn't tell her privately before you leave--or would she tell your dad and not be able to say, "I have no clue"? Why would she have to "stick up for" you? You'll be gone and, as far as your dad is concerned, she doesn't know why. That could be her Academy-Award performance, putting shock and anger into her voice, raging about what an ungrateful daughter you are, pounding on the table about your ingratitude.

Why on earth would your father want you around? It doesn't sound like he likes you very much. He will probably be glad you're gone.

I also asked how old the boyfriend is.

I said previously that he is 20 years old

And I've been with him for three years

Well, that narrows down the list of people who race and make millions.

He started racing when he was 13 I think. But he raced in the professional races.

I spoke with police today and they all said that yes, there are possibilities that I am making a mistake, however if I want to leave then I can leave. They also said that if they were in my situation they would leave as well. What they said they would do is meet me somewhere and let me explain the whole situation to them and then we would go back to my house. I would try to talk to my parents and if it wasn't going calmly they would tell me to go grab my stuff and the police would calm him down and tell him why. They would then walk me out of the house to ensure my safety. They agreed I am living in a mentally unhealthy environment and part of growing up is moving out.

Which is nothing different from what we have told you. However, I do find it surprising that the police would get that involved. Sounds more like a small town. I don't see the police in a large city getting involved in what is essentially a domestic dispute and civil matter.

But again, why initiate the confrontation? Why not just leave when he isn't around?

I work with Police Officers/Cops, I've dated them, I've lived with them, I've gone to their AM meetings, I have family members who are Cops - and I've NEVER heard anything like this. To begin with they cannot give anyone legal advice, and telling a person to leave is legal advice. Second, the OP is 18, an adult. She doesn't NEED parental permission (or a Police escort) to leave. Why would the Police get involved?

The Police aren't an escort service. You call them when you need them, not in advance.

Does anyone but me realize the problems the Police could have for advising the OP to leave AND assisting her in doing so when there is absolutely no reason/proof to do so?

Maybe this is in Podunk Falls - but I still doubt it.

Sorry, but I'm not buying any of this.

Judy, some Cops DO act as escorts when a person is moving out of a house when it is a possibly violent situation. They came out to my parents house when I was moving out of there. And I called them a day in advance.

Thanks, Jennie - I'll consider myself corrected on this subject again.

I, of course, can only address my years of law enforcement experience in my area. Very obviously it is different in other areas.

I wasn't saying you were wrong hon. Just that it CAN happen.

Judy, some Cops DO act as escorts when a person is moving out of a house when it is a possibly violent situation. they came out to my parents house when i was moving out of there. and i called them a day in advance.

What size town do you live in? I agree that its not unknown for this to be done, but its much more likely in a small town environment. For example, I can see Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith Show) doing that. I can't see Officer Reagan (Blue Bloods) doing it. ;)

What size town do you live in? I agree that its not unknown for this to be done, but its much more likely in a small town environment. For example, I can see Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith Show) doing that. I can't see Officer Reagan (Blue Bloods) doing it. ;)


And I see the Police getting sued if they show up in full view of neighbors to escort a person who is of legal age out of a house when there has been no problem. Now, person calls the Police, they show, no problem.

I see absolutely no reason for the Police to show up in anticipation of a problem.

And, yes, maybe in TV land or very small towns - although I live in a very small Town and that doesn't happen here, either.

EDIT: I'm interested in this, so I called my "family member." He said (and this is in NY) that the rights of one party are NOT superior to the rights of another. For example, the Police would not assist the party moving out by restraining or overseeing the other party UNLESS there are previous Police Reports concerning the individuals. The Police would NOT assume that one party is going to cause a problem for the other (when both are legal adults) unless there are previous Police Reports. The Police would also not be present to "guarantee" that the party moving out doesn't take anything he/she doesn't own.

They WILL take a call when there's a problem in progess.

I'll take his word for it. It very well may be different in small Towns. He felt taking the word of one person showing up at the Police Station but not filing a Report (or not having grounds to file a Report) violates the rights of the second person.

And, yes, maybe in TV land or very small towns - although I live in a very small Town and that doesn't happen here, either.
I'm from a NYState Podunk (population was 1500 then, and State Police came when police were called, but never to help an adult move out of a family home without any history of 911 calls, and NEVER to give legal or other advice.

Jen, was there a history in your situation, that the police knew from previous calls there could be trouble brewing?

I'm from a NYState Podunk (population was 1500 then, and State Police came when police were called, but never to help an adult move out of a family home without any history of 911 calls, and NEVER to give legal or other advice.

As you know I'm from West of Podunk (actually in Podunk Falls) and if I stand on my roof I can see your mother's house. Nothing to do with this thread, of course, but interesting... to me.

As you know I'm from West of Podunk (actually in Podunk Falls) and if I stand on my roof I can see your mother's house. Nothing to do with this thread, of course, but interesting ... to me.
I thought you recently went back to Big City. And my mother told me you haven't been waving to her lately. Didn't you like her homemade apple pie that she had made specially for you?

(Sorry, Jen, for hijacking the thread.)

I wholeheartedly agree. There have been reasons to question the OP's veracity before. I can understand getting that advice talking to a school counselor or social worker, but not a police officer.

What size town do you live in? I agree that its not unknown for this to be done, but its much more likely in a small town environment. For example, I can see Andy Taylor (Andy Griffith Show) doing that. I can't see Officer Reagan (Blue Bloods) doing it. ;)

I'm in phoenix.
It may be because I called and told them I moved to a DV shelter a few weeks before and I needed to get my daughters bed, and my parents told me never to come back. So the policeman simply informed them that I had a right to the bed that I bought her and they had to let me get it.

I went to the actual police station today, and I live in vegas, big city, and they said the same thing the school police said. But I am leaving tomorrow without notice. They said they would come in advance, but why provoke a problem when I can leave a note and just leave. So, that's what I am doing.

I thought you recently went back to Big City. And my mother told me you haven't been waving to her lately. Didn't you like her homemade apple pie that she had made specially for you?

(Sorry, Jen, for hijacking the thread.)

Lol this isn't my thread my dear.

im in phoenix.
it may be due to the fact that i called and told them i moved to a DV shelter a few weeks before and i needed to get my daughters bed, and my parents told me never to come back. so the policeman simply informed them that i had a right to the bed that i bought her and they had to let me get it.


Then I see VERY different circumstances from what has been asked. This makes sense. Asking for assistance in simply moving out when there is no history is something else.

And they weren't giving me any like, "legal advice" they were more stating options that I had and what could possibly result from them. Obviously there are concerns they have with the situation. That's normal though. It's hard to explain exactly what's going on to outsiders and not have it seem ridiculous or like I'm being irrational and uncaring. Im doing what I need to do for me

I went to the actual police station today, and i live in vegas, big city, and they said the same thing the school police said. but i am leaving tomorrow without notice. They said they would come in advance, but why provoke a problem when I can leave a note and just leave. So, thats what i am doing.

I've been trying to be polite to you, but frankly I don't believe you. I think you keep making things up to counter the holes we keep finding in your story.

You didn't mention it was SCHOOL police you initially spoke to, which makes a big difference. But now you claim you spoke to the Vegas police. Even though you are repeating the same advice we gave you.

(Sorry, Jen, for hijacking the thread.)

lol this isnt my thread my dear.
I know it isn't. I said "the" thread, since I had interrupted your comments with others regarding your own experience with the police.

they were more stating options that i had and what could possibly result from them.
That's not what police do either. That's the job of a counselor or social worker or minister.

I've been trying to be polite to you, but frankly I don't believe you. I think you keep making things up to counter the holes we keep finding in your story.

You didn't mention it was SCHOOL police you initially spoke to, which makes a big difference. But now you claim you spoke to the Vegas police. Even though you are repeating the same advice we gave you.

I have to agree. Quite honestly (ashamed to admit this) I used to do the same thing when I was younger. And it definitely looks like this girl is doing the same.

You guys just don't get it

you guys just dont get it

No hon, we DO understand. But the problem is, we are looking at it from older eyes. We have the experience that you do not. And we are hoping you will take our advice and not jump into some of the same mistakes that we lived through.

It may be that you need to learn on your own through trial and error. And that's fine.

But we really do understand. I was just where you are right now 10 years ago. And 10 years does a LOT to alter how you look at things.

I think this has been so back and forth but, I am leaving tomorrow. I have written a note explaining exactly what is wrong and why I am choosing to leave. I love my family, obviously or I would have just left without any thought. But, I am so unhappy here that it's unlivable. So, if leaving is what it takes for me to be happy then that is what I need to do.

you guys just dont get it

I think this has been so back and forth but, I am leaving tomorrow. I have written a note explaining exactly what is wrong and why i am choosing to leave. I love my family, obviously or i would have just left without any thought. But, I am so unhappy here that it's unlivable. So, if leaving is what it takes for me to be happy then that is what i need to do.

I think we get it very well. The fact is that you have been given a lot of very good advice. We do understand that you feel your home life is unlivable. But lots of teens feel that way. But we have told you that you are legally able to move and we have advised you on the best ways to make that move. However we have also advised you of the issues and consequences of making that move. All of this to help YOU.

However, we do have concerns because every time we make a point you seem to come up with some counter to that point. And often those counters seem to be fabricated just to make your point. That has caused has us to doubt your veracity and maturity.

But we wish you well and hope your choices will prove to be the right ones.

I think everyone wishes OP good luck - I was going to comment on what is or what is not legal advice from the Police but, as has been said, the story changes.

Good advice, Jen - I know you've been there and back again and your experience is VERY helpful.

A helpful AND applause.

I've been trying to be polite to you, but frankly I don't believe you. I think you keep making things up to counter the holes we keep finding in your story.

You didn't mention it was SCHOOL police you initially spoke to, which makes a big difference. But now you claim you spoke to the Vegas police. Even though you are repeating the same advice we gave you.

So, I left and let me prove you all wrong by stating that I am MUCH happier living with him. Nothing I ever said was a lie. AND I'm getting married in August after that I'll be living on base when he joins the military. So, for all of your snarky comments and pretty much calling me a rebellious teen, I proved you wrong. My father came to my school screaming at people and wandering to find me. I felt unsafe, and even my own teacher went to my principal and told him that I am not just some rebellious teen. That I'm actually in a bad situation with my parents. So, you may now take your ignorant comments and uneducated advice and give it to someone else.

OK so I moved out. I had to call the police about 4 times due to my father being unstable and irrational. He's come to my school four times. Withdrew me and tried to get me to go to a different school, so I had to reenroll myself as homeless lol. Whatever. He now has a restraining order against the school. I haven't spoken to him since the day before I moved out. He said he disowned me which is fine. I don't really care. My mother is just as bad as my dad now so I don't talk to her either. BUT I'm SOOO much happier with my boyfriend. Well, fiancé actually. I'm getting married in June. :) and I never lied about anything I said. You guys are just overly judgmental and like jumping to conclusions.

If you aren't in her shoes or you don't know from seeing what goes on in this girls household how can you criticize her? I am 18 and in the same position except I am physically abused as well as emotionally. I completely understand where she's coming from. Not to mention I am adopted and the only money my mother makes is off me. P.S. I just graduated high school and my mother is so much of a she wasn't even happy because she knows that I am now more likely to get up and leave. I understand being young that typically were more likely to make stupid decisions but not every 18 year old is completely incapable of taking care of themselves. I have a friend that moved out at 17 because his family were drug addicts and were too high 99% of the time to take care of him and he knew he would be better off on his own. He is now 20 years old has a stable job, his own place, and he put himself through college. It wasn't easy but it helped him build character.

If you aren't in her shoes or you don't know from seeing what goes on in this girls household how can you criticize her?

Because, when dealing with posts like this we have to make judgments based on what the OP has told us. We have to take what the OP has told us and combine that with our own knowledge and experience to formulate advice. And that's EXACTLY what you did. Since you had a similar experience, you were more inclined to accept her side of the story.

So don't criticize us for trying to give the best advice we think applicable to the situation. After all we are volunteering our time and expertise to help members. Sometimes that help means being critical of them to show the reality of their situation.

If you aren't in her shoes or you don't know from seeing what goes on in this girls household how can you criticize her? I am 18 and in the same position except I am physically abused as well as emotionally. I completely understand where shes coming from. Not to mention I am adopted and the only money my mother makes is off of me. P.S. I just graduated high school and my mother is so much of a she wasn't even happy because she knows that I am now more likely to get up and leave. I understand being young that typically were more likely to make stupid decisions but not every 18 year old is completely incapable of taking care of themselves. I have a friend that moved out at 17 because his family were drug addicts and were too high 99% of the time to take care of him and he knew he would be better off on his own. He is now 20 years old has a stable job, his own place, and he put himself through college. It wasn't easy but it helped him build character.


How odd that you've never posted before, come to this thread, criticize the answers... and move on without addressing any oher threads.

Wow - someone who at age 20 has graduated from college.

I was just responding to the first answer by Jr Chuck. I'm not criticizing what you guys say it was just rude the way he had put it and he hadn't even heard the whole story or the details. You guys seem to have given good advice. Which is why I tried to correct it later because I had just realized I had did it wrong and didn't mention who I was replying to. No he's not finished with college but he is doing it on his own even though he has to work harder to achieve his goals he's doing it and he is a lot happier.

I don't come from a drug background and I also put myself through College. This is not all that uncommon.

I AM glad you came back and explained - AMHD is a good group of people and it's unfortunate when somebody starts on what could be the wrong foot.

Welcome!

Well you have to be careful here.It is true that this guy can turn his back on you however I do not see how this is worse than an abusive parent and let me give advice based on experience.When I was born my father died so my mother got scared and decided to return to her pareents to help raise me ,everyone told her not to do it and stay on her own but she wasd too weak and too scared to listen .We returned to her parents and we regret ever doing it.they do not care about us and treat us like crap and think that we are always there for them.My point is that do not stay with your parents out of fear make a decision out of clear thinking not fear of the unknown.What I know for sure is that you desrrve better than an abusive home so you have to do whatever it takes.I know that what I am going t say now is unpopular but it is the truth.You are alone humans are born amd die alone so you are the one who will make their life better.Do not let anybody scare you or talk you into making wrong decisions .

If she's under legal age - and I'm not even going to bother reading this again - she cannot just get up and leave.

So - your mother was afraid or whatever was going on when your father died so she moved back in (with you) with her parents. You are using a computer so you can't still be an infant. Why is she still there?

Instead of blaming the very people who probably kept you off the streets and/or in foster care (and her, too) you are angry with your Grandparents... but I don't see you and your mother leaving.

So your mother pays her (and your) share of your Grandparents' bills and expenses so they aren't feeding and sheltering out of their pockets?

Oh, by the way, I was raised by my Grandparents who had already raised their children and who gave up a lot for me - an awful lot so I'm pretty sensitive to this issue.

I'd be a lot more angry at my mother than I would at my Grandparents.

I see you blaming a number of people for your unhappiness.

First of all I am not unhappy I just state the truth they were more pain than help throughout the years and their financial support is nothing(we make it on our own).My mother was an adult but she was too weak and scared to live on her own.Back to the topic the girl is an adult and even if the abusive parents and the boyfriends are lies she can move out .Has she tried to ask someone to help her find a job?

First of all i am not unhappy i just state the truth they were more pain than help throughout the years and their financial support is nothing(we make it on our own).My mother was an adult but she was too weak and scared to live on her own.Back to the topic the girl is an adult and even if the abusive parents and the boyfriends are lies she can move out .Has she tried to ask someone to help her find a job?

This question was first posted SIX months ago. Prior to your response there were over NINETY previous responses. The point Judy was making is that your response did not deal with all the issues that were raised in the thread. It certainly appeared that you did not bother to read through the thread before responding. In doing so, your advice was not really applicable to the OP's situation. Please make note of dates and previous responses before responding to a thread.

At this point it seems the thread should be CLOSED