upsidedowntown
Jan 24, 2012, 10:45 PM
This is a long story. But, I will start from the beginning.
I met a girl at a dinner party over 2 years ago. At the time she was engaged. I sat next to her at dinner and just talked. We had a great time. I couldn't believe how captivating and fun she was. I didn't try to pick her up. But, I think some others at the table thought I was trying. At the end of the night, I felt like she wanted to stay around with me. I left. I think she may have wanted to give me a ride home. Well, about 6 months later, I found out that she called her wedding off. I couldn't believe it. I thought that this was my chance. But, I waited. I gave her over one year to heal. And, I also thought that I may not want to do this because she works in a similar field and we may cross paths (if things didn't work out).
After a year or year and half, I decided to contact her mutual friend and ask if we could all have dinner. It went great. This time she gave me a ride back home and we exchanged numbers. I sent her a few emails. And within two weeks I asked her to go to a big new years eve party. She and I went on a first date. I probably should have talked to her longer and built up to it. Anyway... at the party she saw some guy that she knew. She went up to him and talked to him for 5-10 minutes. He showed up alone. Later on, I saw that guy watch us dance. Kind of weird.
The next few months were hit and miss. We never really were able to hit it off. Her responses to my texts seemed delayed and I didn't send a reply immediately on purpose. I sent her a late Christmas card by email and she didn't respond. So, I just blew her off and went on a trip for 3 weeks. After 2 weeks of NC, she sent me a short email. I waited a few days and contacted her. When I got back, we started seeing each other more.
However, at a dinner, she was on her cell phone making several calls to the UPS driver to receive a package (by the way, at my suggestion) and I got a little pissed after the 6th phone call. We couldn't even focus on dinner. It was all about when the driver would arrive. I didn't tell her how upset I was and after one hour I told her. She was upset that I didn't tell her right away. I told her that she has many nice things (car, home, etc), but didn't seem like she focused on the important small things. (maybe too harsh?). Well, she got so upset, that she ran upstairs crying and locked herself in the bathroom. I stayed there for 20 minutes. Then, she came out and she said her heart was broken.
The next day, I spoke to a friend and he said I should have just left her house to teach her a lesson. Well, a few days later I stopped speaking to her (for some dumb reason--too late to teach her the lesson). And, after a half a day of NC, she sent me an email telling me she would drop my stuff at my front door. I tried to contact her by text and phone. She was short. I waited a few days and eventually we made up. It was really not a good way to start.
We continue to date and it seemed to go pretty well. She got a text one time. And, it was the guy from the NYE party. I was surprised and said something. And she was like, "what? He is like 50, and divorced with 2 kids." I still didn't understand why this guy was texting her. And then she said that she wanted to set him up with her friends. And, that she has a lot of 50 year old friends.
Then, I told her I needed to go out of the country on a trip. I gave her 2 weeks heads up. She was upset that I didn't tell her sooner. I should have. But, for some reason, I held back. I thought she would like it. But, she thought I might be traveling with a girl. She made me send her the trip details. Nothing shady on my part. When, I got back I found out she went to Italy. She never told me that she was planning this. I was surprised. When I asked her who she went with she replied "with some girls from work." I never found out who. She showed me a few pictures, but none of them had any girls. It was just her. And, then when I tried to see more, she shut her phone off (she seemed a little nervous). Later on, she told me stories of an ex-friend who would travel with married guys. She also told me that she has never had a one night stand. I thought she was just proving how good of a girl she is. It seemed a little weird.
Things were OK between us. I mean really good. So, we went on a trip. She is tough, no nonsense girl. We went shopping and she is all about the labels. She is high end. I paid for the hotel and airfare and she got a couple of meals. That is what a guy needs to do (even for an independent woman).
When, we got back things were still good. We started spending every night together. Once, when we were in bed, she was looking at her phone and checking pictures. A pic of her and a large football player came up. They were close in the pic. She blew it off and just said that she he was some famous guy that she forgot his name. I was a little concerned and told her that it looked like they were a couple. She had someone take the picture with her phone.
Once, at work a friend said that they saw her in the paper. I couldn't believe it. I called her and asked. She said but didn't give me any details. I was surprised she didn't tell me right away. Her neighbor even asked her about it (by the way at that time I was introduced to the neighbor as a "friend"). That upset me too.
Then, one time, a text showed up on her phone and it said "Jason". She didn't see her phone. I told her to check it. She did. I asked her who it was. She replied "some girl from work". I said what? A girl named Jason? She then backtracked and said that he was a guy from work... and on top of that she said he was gay. I was upset and told her, "why didn't you just say that from the start?"
She never took pictures of me. I always took her picture and pics of us.
Things went along though the summer. Then, it seemed weird. She picked up a few of her things from my place. I did the same. She seemed to hide her phone. Often putting it upside down. Whenever it rang, I jumped (because she had lied about that text). She became annoyed. And then, one night, I did a Google image search and found 2 pictures from the paper of her from 2 different dates. The first picture was the original picture. But, it was her and a guy. I lost it. Who was this guy? She never mentioned anything. She went to that event with 2 girls. (later on she said the two girls were in the bathroom). Where was this guy's date? I thought she was cheating. Then, I saw the other picture. She was at an event. I checked the date (from my texts) and she said that she was working that day. She "worked" all day and got home at midnight. I looked online and confirmed the event date. I was pissed. She was lying?
I called a friend to ask his advice. He said to just end it. I was upset. He is a writer. He and I wrote an 2 page email that told her to find a guy that she cares about and it was over. (wrong way to end it, I know).
She responded that the event was over 3 days and that she was there on Monday and not on Saturday. Well, I doubled checked and the event was not on Monday. Over the next few weeks, we sent texts and emails, but we never saw each other. We spoke once and I asked her what happened that night. She said that the paper got the date wrong and that I knew about this event. I didn't. Of note, the guy from the first picture can be seen in the second picture (back turned). And a girl in the picture is his co-worker. She would not admit anything.
She said we should just be friends. I was crushed. I was going to meet her family over Thanksgiving. I pulled back. I was confused. She sent me a text "happy Thanksgiving". I didn't respond. I thought she was using me. After all, the last time we were intimate, she actually said "is it ok, if this is all I want." But, then she sent me emails saying that I was the one.
Ok, here is the status (finally). I have not spoken, emailed, texted, or facebooked (she has been defriended) for almost 2 months. I am trying to move on. But, she was such a big part of my life. She cooked for me. We spent so much time together. I had access to her house. She left me there alone.
I haven't told you some other things that could be totally innocent or maybe not. She would go out a lot, but not stay out late. She was out with her girlfriends. We were always in contact. She had many guy friends and even wanted to go out with one (she told me about it). I didn't want her too, but then I couldn't believe that she was telling me first. She didn't go out with him.
Is she shady? Did I over react? Should I contact her? Or should I just move on and find someone who is more honest? Is she a player that was trying to settle down for awhile? She had numerous failed relationships. She told me about how many guys she dated, but always said that she didn't sleep with them. I think she is a narcissist. She was so into herself and her clothes, car, home and job. I did so much for her.
Maybe I was too much of a poodle. She went to church on occasion. She was the youngest of 4 (and the only one not married). I was just so attracted to how much we had in common. Maybe I was too pushy and wanted to spend too much time with her. She often said that she didn't feel right, not herself. Maybe it was too much pressure. I don't know if we shared the same values.
Well, I have learned a lot... though this pain.
Thanks,
Upside Down.
I met a girl at a dinner party over 2 years ago. At the time she was engaged. I sat next to her at dinner and just talked. We had a great time. I couldn't believe how captivating and fun she was. I didn't try to pick her up. But, I think some others at the table thought I was trying. At the end of the night, I felt like she wanted to stay around with me. I left. I think she may have wanted to give me a ride home. Well, about 6 months later, I found out that she called her wedding off. I couldn't believe it. I thought that this was my chance. But, I waited. I gave her over one year to heal. And, I also thought that I may not want to do this because she works in a similar field and we may cross paths (if things didn't work out).
After a year or year and half, I decided to contact her mutual friend and ask if we could all have dinner. It went great. This time she gave me a ride back home and we exchanged numbers. I sent her a few emails. And within two weeks I asked her to go to a big new years eve party. She and I went on a first date. I probably should have talked to her longer and built up to it. Anyway... at the party she saw some guy that she knew. She went up to him and talked to him for 5-10 minutes. He showed up alone. Later on, I saw that guy watch us dance. Kind of weird.
The next few months were hit and miss. We never really were able to hit it off. Her responses to my texts seemed delayed and I didn't send a reply immediately on purpose. I sent her a late Christmas card by email and she didn't respond. So, I just blew her off and went on a trip for 3 weeks. After 2 weeks of NC, she sent me a short email. I waited a few days and contacted her. When I got back, we started seeing each other more.
However, at a dinner, she was on her cell phone making several calls to the UPS driver to receive a package (by the way, at my suggestion) and I got a little pissed after the 6th phone call. We couldn't even focus on dinner. It was all about when the driver would arrive. I didn't tell her how upset I was and after one hour I told her. She was upset that I didn't tell her right away. I told her that she has many nice things (car, home, etc), but didn't seem like she focused on the important small things. (maybe too harsh?). Well, she got so upset, that she ran upstairs crying and locked herself in the bathroom. I stayed there for 20 minutes. Then, she came out and she said her heart was broken.
The next day, I spoke to a friend and he said I should have just left her house to teach her a lesson. Well, a few days later I stopped speaking to her (for some dumb reason--too late to teach her the lesson). And, after a half a day of NC, she sent me an email telling me she would drop my stuff at my front door. I tried to contact her by text and phone. She was short. I waited a few days and eventually we made up. It was really not a good way to start.
We continue to date and it seemed to go pretty well. She got a text one time. And, it was the guy from the NYE party. I was surprised and said something. And she was like, "what? He is like 50, and divorced with 2 kids." I still didn't understand why this guy was texting her. And then she said that she wanted to set him up with her friends. And, that she has a lot of 50 year old friends.
Then, I told her I needed to go out of the country on a trip. I gave her 2 weeks heads up. She was upset that I didn't tell her sooner. I should have. But, for some reason, I held back. I thought she would like it. But, she thought I might be traveling with a girl. She made me send her the trip details. Nothing shady on my part. When, I got back I found out she went to Italy. She never told me that she was planning this. I was surprised. When I asked her who she went with she replied "with some girls from work." I never found out who. She showed me a few pictures, but none of them had any girls. It was just her. And, then when I tried to see more, she shut her phone off (she seemed a little nervous). Later on, she told me stories of an ex-friend who would travel with married guys. She also told me that she has never had a one night stand. I thought she was just proving how good of a girl she is. It seemed a little weird.
Things were OK between us. I mean really good. So, we went on a trip. She is tough, no nonsense girl. We went shopping and she is all about the labels. She is high end. I paid for the hotel and airfare and she got a couple of meals. That is what a guy needs to do (even for an independent woman).
When, we got back things were still good. We started spending every night together. Once, when we were in bed, she was looking at her phone and checking pictures. A pic of her and a large football player came up. They were close in the pic. She blew it off and just said that she he was some famous guy that she forgot his name. I was a little concerned and told her that it looked like they were a couple. She had someone take the picture with her phone.
Once, at work a friend said that they saw her in the paper. I couldn't believe it. I called her and asked. She said but didn't give me any details. I was surprised she didn't tell me right away. Her neighbor even asked her about it (by the way at that time I was introduced to the neighbor as a "friend"). That upset me too.
Then, one time, a text showed up on her phone and it said "Jason". She didn't see her phone. I told her to check it. She did. I asked her who it was. She replied "some girl from work". I said what? A girl named Jason? She then backtracked and said that he was a guy from work... and on top of that she said he was gay. I was upset and told her, "why didn't you just say that from the start?"
She never took pictures of me. I always took her picture and pics of us.
Things went along though the summer. Then, it seemed weird. She picked up a few of her things from my place. I did the same. She seemed to hide her phone. Often putting it upside down. Whenever it rang, I jumped (because she had lied about that text). She became annoyed. And then, one night, I did a Google image search and found 2 pictures from the paper of her from 2 different dates. The first picture was the original picture. But, it was her and a guy. I lost it. Who was this guy? She never mentioned anything. She went to that event with 2 girls. (later on she said the two girls were in the bathroom). Where was this guy's date? I thought she was cheating. Then, I saw the other picture. She was at an event. I checked the date (from my texts) and she said that she was working that day. She "worked" all day and got home at midnight. I looked online and confirmed the event date. I was pissed. She was lying?
I called a friend to ask his advice. He said to just end it. I was upset. He is a writer. He and I wrote an 2 page email that told her to find a guy that she cares about and it was over. (wrong way to end it, I know).
She responded that the event was over 3 days and that she was there on Monday and not on Saturday. Well, I doubled checked and the event was not on Monday. Over the next few weeks, we sent texts and emails, but we never saw each other. We spoke once and I asked her what happened that night. She said that the paper got the date wrong and that I knew about this event. I didn't. Of note, the guy from the first picture can be seen in the second picture (back turned). And a girl in the picture is his co-worker. She would not admit anything.
She said we should just be friends. I was crushed. I was going to meet her family over Thanksgiving. I pulled back. I was confused. She sent me a text "happy Thanksgiving". I didn't respond. I thought she was using me. After all, the last time we were intimate, she actually said "is it ok, if this is all I want." But, then she sent me emails saying that I was the one.
Ok, here is the status (finally). I have not spoken, emailed, texted, or facebooked (she has been defriended) for almost 2 months. I am trying to move on. But, she was such a big part of my life. She cooked for me. We spent so much time together. I had access to her house. She left me there alone.
I haven't told you some other things that could be totally innocent or maybe not. She would go out a lot, but not stay out late. She was out with her girlfriends. We were always in contact. She had many guy friends and even wanted to go out with one (she told me about it). I didn't want her too, but then I couldn't believe that she was telling me first. She didn't go out with him.
Is she shady? Did I over react? Should I contact her? Or should I just move on and find someone who is more honest? Is she a player that was trying to settle down for awhile? She had numerous failed relationships. She told me about how many guys she dated, but always said that she didn't sleep with them. I think she is a narcissist. She was so into herself and her clothes, car, home and job. I did so much for her.
Maybe I was too much of a poodle. She went to church on occasion. She was the youngest of 4 (and the only one not married). I was just so attracted to how much we had in common. Maybe I was too pushy and wanted to spend too much time with her. She often said that she didn't feel right, not herself. Maybe it was too much pressure. I don't know if we shared the same values.
Well, I have learned a lot... though this pain.
Thanks,
Upside Down.