Who won't grow up, get a job, jump into things and give up, blamng everyone else

Yep they are a pain, so what is your question? I will assume you don't let them live at home and do nothing?

So you kick them out and let them find out about the real world.

I tiptoe around her and yes - she pretty much does nothing around the house, I have to ask her to do anything and she will do it only if it fits within her time schedule or if it is fun or if she is not too sick to do it.
Several years ago, she was on her own - she later told me she was living in her car. She doesn't havea car anymore it was hit by another vehicle and was totaled. She now uses my car (but does ask permission to use it). How can I kick her out if she has no place to live, no job and no way to get food?

Give her a thirty day notice in writing and be willing to enforce it. You have to learn to say NO, and give them some very tough love! Or she will keep sitting there like your word means NOTHING!

Not you fault she has no where to go!