justmeasking
Jan 23, 2012, 10:56 AM
I have been with a man for about two years now, and generally, he is very kind, sensitive and giving. He is divorced and has two teenagers. I am also divorced and have two grade school children. Due to his past relationship problems, he was very hesitant about getting into another relationship. We have gone back and forth many times, calling ourselves "friends", even though we continued to be intimate as well as live together at some points.
My main problem is, even if we are "friends", he seems to find fault in much of what I do. I realize that I am far from perfect and my life is not what others may call successful, but he points out my faults and mistakes whenever he is frustrated in a way that makes me feel lower than dirt. He also seems to change his story much of the time. For example, he had planned to fly me and his children to visit him a state away over the holidays. The problem was that he would not get paid until the 30th of the month, and would have to buy plane fare that day for flying the same day. His kids would only be able to stay two days before returning to school. It was causing a lot of stress for his kids and him, and I wanted to help. I asked my roommate if she wanted to drive (a twelve hour trip) with me and them. She had met them before and was fond of them. She liked the idea, and we went, allowing for more time (five days) for his kids to be with him. He reimbursed my roommate for gas (200 dollars) and it was quite a savings over the probably 800 he would have had to spend on airfare. He seemed grateful.
But after they left, and I remained with him (as per planned) he and I got into an argument and he said that I didn't do him any favors, that I brought an annoyance with me (my roommate), and that he would have done it fine on his own. In addition, he stated that I did not respect his wishes, and that I was an unwelcome guest. The thing is, we had talked about me staying longer, and he had even sent me job links for opportunities near where he lived.
It is like jekyl and hyde. One day he is funny, sweet, affectionate, respectful and calm, other days he is judgmental, critical, angry and cruel. I love him dearly, he is my best friend. But every time I try to explain my feelings, he gets defensive and brings up all the ways he IS kind, and how I am ungrateful. We have taken a lot of "breaks", always resulting the same way... We miss each other, we want to be together, etc. But as soon as we are back, the cycle continues. Any advice?
My main problem is, even if we are "friends", he seems to find fault in much of what I do. I realize that I am far from perfect and my life is not what others may call successful, but he points out my faults and mistakes whenever he is frustrated in a way that makes me feel lower than dirt. He also seems to change his story much of the time. For example, he had planned to fly me and his children to visit him a state away over the holidays. The problem was that he would not get paid until the 30th of the month, and would have to buy plane fare that day for flying the same day. His kids would only be able to stay two days before returning to school. It was causing a lot of stress for his kids and him, and I wanted to help. I asked my roommate if she wanted to drive (a twelve hour trip) with me and them. She had met them before and was fond of them. She liked the idea, and we went, allowing for more time (five days) for his kids to be with him. He reimbursed my roommate for gas (200 dollars) and it was quite a savings over the probably 800 he would have had to spend on airfare. He seemed grateful.
But after they left, and I remained with him (as per planned) he and I got into an argument and he said that I didn't do him any favors, that I brought an annoyance with me (my roommate), and that he would have done it fine on his own. In addition, he stated that I did not respect his wishes, and that I was an unwelcome guest. The thing is, we had talked about me staying longer, and he had even sent me job links for opportunities near where he lived.
It is like jekyl and hyde. One day he is funny, sweet, affectionate, respectful and calm, other days he is judgmental, critical, angry and cruel. I love him dearly, he is my best friend. But every time I try to explain my feelings, he gets defensive and brings up all the ways he IS kind, and how I am ungrateful. We have taken a lot of "breaks", always resulting the same way... We miss each other, we want to be together, etc. But as soon as we are back, the cycle continues. Any advice?