I am fine one day then a wreck another. I get depressed feeling worthless and desperate to disappear. I feel lonely even with people always around. I feel like life is a waste. I wonder what the point of living is at all if we all are promised death in the end.

I do not believe in anti depressants or any type of drug. I think they make things worse.

Have you ever been prescribed anti depressants? They are a medication designed for a reason. I would definitely seek professional help immediately. You do not have to get medicated but you do have to tell someone about your condition. Depression goes unnoticed too often. I hope you feel better soon

I have similar feelings. I would suggest you talk to someone without searching for medication. Look for a psychologist and try to be open about how you really feel.
Also try a hobby you've always wanted to. Sports, reading, spiritual practices, anything that keeps you positive.

Hope this helps