Hi,

I'm 28 and met this guy almost 11 years ago. He's 5 years older than me.
We always had a kind of odd relationship. We loved to tease each other a lot. Everyone thought we were a couple but we never got together.
During a group holiday he always hugged me, pulled me up into his arms or when I sat close by stroked over my arm (thinking I didn't notice). I also caught him staring at me occasionally.
There were situations in which he showed signs of jealousy too. However, he never told me what he really wanted.

When he left the team, we lost contact and recently met again via Facebook.

It's like we never lost contact at all. He still loves to tease me (even admitted it), talks about going on holiday together and stuff like that. He has a girlfriend since last year but told me he's not quite sure what to make of her.
I feel down a lot (die to being sick for a couple of months already) and he went on holiday last week. I was mistreated badly by another man and when he came back he was so abgry about it. He seemed to be quite protective of me and even said that if he'd been home, he would have gone to that guy. He wrote a really honest and lovely long letter that made me tear up since I never epected it from him.

I really am confused by his behavior. All the teasing, all the stuff he said on the long mail (and I know he means it that way) and saying that he wants to go on holiday with me next time.

What am I supposed to make of this? I was already confused back then. Every time I try to ask him directly he evades it. It was also weird that he jokingly asked me "I heard you were in love with me back then". When I admitted it, he was surprised but still acted in a joke-kind of way.

I know that even if he doesn't admit it directly that he likes me. He made it obvious in his cheer-up mail that he does.

But what am I suppose dto think about his behavior?

I already am more direct after his long mail. However, he's still in a relationship.

That's the point I don't get. I know that he likes me, that's too obvious. I already knew back then. But he never admitted it. :-/

For now, best to back off a bit since he is still in a relationship. Consider how you would feel if you were to find out your boyfriend was writing to and contacting another woman in the way he has with you?

Protect your heart and wait it out. You may even let him know that while it appears he might be interested, since he is seeing someone else, you feel it is best for all involved to keep things strictly on a friends basis. If it can't be held to that, then suggest he contact you only when/if he is free and interested in picking back up where the two of you left off.

In the meantime, try your best not to focus too much on reading into what he says. If he wants to start a more serious relationship up with you, he will end the one he is in and let you know.

IF, by chance, he continues to want to be more than friendly with you while he continues to be in a relationship with someone else, that will tell you what sort of man he really is... and better to have that heads up now than later.

You are missing the obvious here. What do you call a guy who is in a relationship, yet comes on to YOU?

Right, a lying cheater, since what he is doing is cultivating a more than friendship relations, outside of his relationship. Don't be a party to that, nor let your confusion or anything else you are going through, have gone through, make you cross the lines of good behavior.

Stay within the boundaries of friendship, and protect your dignity, and self respect, AND your heart.

This may appear like a chance for romance, but I doubt it's a healthy one. Not crossing those lines will keep the confusion you have from hurting you, so don't be curious about him either.

When you ask for help, it is inappropriate to click 'unhelpful', when someone responds with an opinion.

As to your question, he is involved with another woman.

He's off limits.

Period.

It is unhelpful when the answer is inappropriate. He is not a "lying cheater" as this person called him!

Please read the rules of the forum.

So his girl friend knows he is inviting you on a holiday?


I really am confused by his behavior. All the teasing, all the stuff he said on the long mail (and I know he means it that way) and saying that he wants to go on holiday with me next time.

At best you are allowing his behavior. Instead of being confused, back off, way off. Not even curiosity, or even confusion, is a good excuse for this.