CCVA4
Jan 15, 2012, 10:50 AM
My daughter is 9 years old and has always believed that my husband is her dad. However, we married when she was 3, and he has not adopted her, so her last name is not the same as ours legally. Some questions have arisen from her, and I have a feeling she may have some idea... Her bio-father was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive, and I was able to escape when she was 2.
Since I left, he has had no contact with her or me since then, and I don't want him to. I know he has been on drugs and in prison since I have left and is a terrible person. I definitely don't want her to be around him.
Anyway, back to the original question--how do I go about telling her? I don't want to hurt her or make her feel as though she wasn't loved or whatever may come up. Also, at this time, I'm not sure what is going on between my husband and me, i.e. divorce? He is mentally abusive to me as well and neglectful of me. She sees this and knows that it's wrong. However, if we are in the process of getting a divorce (which I don't know because he will not talk to me about anything), would now be a good time to tell her? Will this put her through another traumatic experience?
I just want to do what is best for my daughter and keep her safe. Since I have a feeling she knows, should I just move forward with telling her? Please help! Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
P.S. She also has a little brother from my husband and myself who has a disability. Will this play a factor in my telling her that her "dad" is not her bio "dad"? Jealousy? Hurt? Anger? HELP!
Since I left, he has had no contact with her or me since then, and I don't want him to. I know he has been on drugs and in prison since I have left and is a terrible person. I definitely don't want her to be around him.
Anyway, back to the original question--how do I go about telling her? I don't want to hurt her or make her feel as though she wasn't loved or whatever may come up. Also, at this time, I'm not sure what is going on between my husband and me, i.e. divorce? He is mentally abusive to me as well and neglectful of me. She sees this and knows that it's wrong. However, if we are in the process of getting a divorce (which I don't know because he will not talk to me about anything), would now be a good time to tell her? Will this put her through another traumatic experience?
I just want to do what is best for my daughter and keep her safe. Since I have a feeling she knows, should I just move forward with telling her? Please help! Any advice is greatly appreciated! Thank you!
P.S. She also has a little brother from my husband and myself who has a disability. Will this play a factor in my telling her that her "dad" is not her bio "dad"? Jealousy? Hurt? Anger? HELP!