Me and my long term partner recently ended. We were together for around 9 years. We were best friends through school knowing each other from the age of twelve. Throughout that time we split up several times but always got back together. In September I had to move away to study. We were going through a bad patch and I did not want to take any arguments with me to my new home and environment. This lasted around three months, during this time we still saw each other, spoke as often as we can and generally assured each other that we still loved each other. The plan was to get back together around Xmas time (even though I never mentioned this, big mistake I know).

Around a month ago, beginning of December, she told me she had kissed another guy. It wasn't anything serious, but she said we should call it off. Fearing I would lose her I tried explaining that I was going to get back with her over Xmas. She said it was already too late. Things with this guy are apparently more serious now but I still deeply love her. After two weeks of pleading with her to no avail I've decided to leave her to it and give her some space. I still miss her and want to be with her but she never makes the effort to talk to me and before I stopped talking to her, would frequently ignore my phone calls and text messages.

What's confusing is that a few days before she left she would talk about how she wanted us to work and be together. The change seemed to happen overnight and caught me out of the blue.. We now live around 100 miles away from each other but I would be willing to travel if it would help us get back together..


My question: do I make an effort or leave her be and move on? In my opinion I still want to make things work or am I being too optimistic? We were very close for so long so I naturally feel that her being in another relationship so soon may just be a rebound.. Should I consider this or that I have truly lost her? I understand I made mistakes but am willing to work them out for her sake.

She's gone. And maybe this time forever.

Girls generally don't like standing on the side lines, while their prospective boyfriends/partners keep them on hold so that he can fix his own mind and life.

Yes, the change in her might have been overnight, but that could be because while you were talking about future 'get back together' plan, this guy must have given her the love, commitment, care she needed in the present time.

Boy, if you loved her deeply, why did you take such a long break?

I think you should move on, it will be the best thing for you, then to wait.

I say move on also, just because after 9 years, its time to let go!