I'm in my mid thirties. A couple months after my previous relationship of 10 years ended I met this man who was going through a divorce. They were not living together and weren't on speaking terms. He was married for 10 years and they have 3 young boys together. We instantly hit it off and spent everyday together. We stayed at each others houses but eventually stayed mainly with me since he was going to place his home on the market in the near future. He is decently well off, so I know staying with me was a choice and not a financial need.

A few months in things started to changed, we were not on the same page as my feelings developed far quickly more than his and he pulled back. He said he felt the pressure of me wanting to be in a serious relationship but with all the stresses of the divorce, splitting assets, custody battles etc he needed the smoke to clear and this chapter of his life to be closed before he moved on with me full force. I understood what he was going through and tried to be supportive. His wife was fighting for custody to take his kids out of state. He had his kids every other weekend and I spent the days he had with them, but because of the custody battle, his lawyer suggested to not have me around the kids since she now knew about me and it could work against him. His wife who was dating someone too had done the same. On Christmas, while exchanging the kids, and after 8 months of never talking except through lawyers the silence broke. They are now talking. She is no longer seeing the man she was with when she filed for divorce, and realizes that she is not happier and the grass was not greener on the other side. From what I am told about the conversions I know she has second thoughts because she now sees the hurt and has guilt of what she had done to him and their children. Their challenge is she wants the kids and move out of state but he wants to remain where they are.

When he last saw her he had asked, now that enough time had gone by and you had time to think I need to hear from you that you are sure you want to go through with the divorce so that I know I have done everything I could have to keep my family together, and so that I can get the closure to move on. She could not tell him that. At this point, he asked her to think about things and get back to him. The part I can't seem to understand is that he says he really doesn't know what he wants until she makes her decision. Ugh! I feel she holds all the cards. Part of me can not go through and watch the events unfold as they decide if they will give it another try, but another part of me says that even though I am hurt and depressed, will I regret walking away now. He tells me to be positive and see what happens and stop acting like it already was decided for them to try again.

I just need some insight to determine if I should try to have some dignity and control over my life and hope that I don't feel that I gave up by trying to shield myself from the pain and heartache. Or do I try to stick it out and see what the next few weeks will bring. Either way it all hurts in the end.

When I started dating this guy we both were very open with our phones as we always left it out sitting around. A had questioned a couple times about a girl who would text hello every once and a while... At first I realized he never responded.. Then one day I saw that he had a conversation, then a call from her which he never picked up in front of me. I tried to ignore it but my intuition was screaming. I later asked for his phone to look up something, but used that excuse to look at the text and call log. He had erased it! I questioned why would he erase it and told him that I was concerned cause it was shady behavior. I felt I did not accuse him directly but it bothered me. Ever since then he became guarded with his phone deleting most texts (don't know about call logs, but my gut says he does). His excuse is there is not a lot of memory on it etc... Now this behavior is causing me to have a fixation on his phone texting behavior. When I ask. He says yes I talk to girls, they are just friends, I like meeting people and get to know new people. But tells me that it's all innocent and he is not trying to hook up with them and that I am controlling if I am going to start telling him who he can talk to and meet for coffee or a meal. What do you think? The more I address it, the more it causes fights and distance.

You should just be straight with him, if he's not giving u a direct answer, then maybe something's up. Listen to your intuition. Boys are mysteries so if you feel as though something's up, there probably is..

You are dating correct? Are you living together?

But yes, I am laughing at your comments, sorry but I did not accusse him? Sorry but it sounds like you did everything but get out the thumb screws. It is very likely that he was not doing anything before, but your constant hounding may have made him decide to start talking more to at least that one.

Next also unless your relationship is to a level you both agreed to, he is actuallly free to see or even date others, if there has been no real formal commitment.

No if you are in a committed relationship he has no business meeting girls for meals or coffee ( that is a date) it sounds more like he is looking for your replacement.

But of course he is going to lie if you challenge what he is doing.

What you need to do is work on your relationship with him and find out where it is.



There is no closure, and often we don't know why. What was the reason for the divorce to start with.

Can he tell you that he will not go back, that it is over and he will only be there for you?

I doubt it, it sounds like he is still wanting to go back and hopes she will take him.

Do you really want him if you are second best.

You and he may want to go to counseling to find out where both of you stand in this.

You both are coming off long term relationships, and even though YOU may be ready, he and his estranged wife have many issues to resolve, and I am afraid you are caught in the middle and serve as a comfort zone to his misery right now. That and the phone issue doesn't sound good at all for you, since despite moving in with you, more than likely they could reconcile at some point in the future.

Even if they don't, he has not made up his own mind yet and to be quite honest, you never put your eggs in a basket that's not yours, and still belongs to another female.

What usually happens is the big "sorry, but I changed my mind about us", "I am not ready for a relationship", and a bunch of other excuses why he wasted your time.

I think you end this quickly, cleanly, and decisively, and let him get his act together, and finish his business with his wife, and go back, or get some healing time, and so you are NOT just a comfort zone rebound for a guy that has his own issues to solve before he can be a serious, healthy partner to anyone.

I highly suggest you protect yourself, because it may NOT be his intention to hurt you, but its highly likely he will.

Sorry, but you both appear to be rebounds to each other.