My husband and I have been married for 4 1/2 years. His step-daughter from a previous marriage got us together, however when she realized things were getting serious, she went nuts. She told everyone that he had been molesting her since she was 10 years old and it was still going on when we first met. I didn't want to believe her but all the signs were there. When she found out that I was moving in, she packed her bags and moved in with her boyfriend. My husband sat around for weeks crying and upset because she had moved out. It was so weird for me because I had never seen anything like it. Eventually she had her boyfriend call me to meet him somewhere and he told me everything she had told him about my husband. It was pretty bad. I confronted my husband, he still denied it and the step daughter and my husband lost contact for 2 1/2 years. We married shortly after they stopped speaking. It never settled right with me and I questioned him all the time about her accusations. He finally admitted that it was true and that they had a sexual reationship from age 13 - 18 and that she wanted to be the woman of the house. I was so angry, hurt, confused and I felt sorry for her because she experienced something like this as a child. I hated him for lying to me and still can't get over what he did. It goes against anything and everything I believe in. I hate child molesters and now I'm married to one. I made a mistake because I insisted that he he apologize to her for what he did. I told him it was the right thing to do. After a couple of months he called her and he apologized. She's married now with a child of her own and seems to be happy, but for some reason she still can't stand me. She never speaks to me, she doesn't even acknowledge that I exist. She threw a fit one night when her and her husband were at the church visiting my husband and I showed up unexpectedly. She was so angry that she grabbed her kid and stormed out like a jealous girlfriend. My husband has told me that he will have a relationship with "his daughter and grandson" whether I like it or not. He doesn't talk to her about the way she treats me, he doesn't tell her she has to accept that I'm his wife and when he goes to her house to visit her and her family, I am not invited because he says he doesn't want me "to get my feelings hurt". I am to the point of walking away. He molested this kid 5 years, carried on with her after he and I were together and now that he is a"Christian man" and wants to make thins right, he has brought her back into our lives and could care less how it affects me. Has anyone ever had to deal with something like this before. I don't know what to do. Everything in me says to get out of this awful nightmare and get on with my life, but what if he really has changed and wants to make up for what he's done wrong?

If you are asking for an honest opinion - I would leave. I don't understand what anybody's thinking, from the daughter to the husband to the son-in-law.

He's related to her (obviously) by blood. You are a virtual stranger. She can forgive blood for what happened; she cannot forgive you for possibly condoning his actions and staying with him.

That's my take, at least.

I don't understand her husbands take on it either. He has opened his home up to my husband and he knows what went on between them for 5 years. It just makes no sense, none of it does. My husband has raised her since she was 3 years old. Her biological father has never been in the picture and he married her mother when she was very young.

If anyone has any insight or experience with this sort of thing I would really love to hear it. There is no right or wrong answer, I guess I just wonder how others would deal with this sort of thing?

I will address some of the current actions, it is common so very common when someone with a evil past, if it be neglect, abuse, drugs or crimes.

When they become religious, if it be Muslim or Christian or other, they feel they owe the people harmed something and feel they have to make it up to them.
After that, they also go way off the deep end the other direction it can take years if it ever balances to a even area.

I would also agree I can't see why she would allow her child into his home, why she would go into the home, but perhaps in her mind, she is still "his women" and she would like to get you out, since you took him away, to her and maybe to him, you are still the evil person in all of this.

Myself, I have no idea why you did not leave years and years ago. But with that said, you leave, there is no saving this situation

I appreciate your honest reply. Yes, he has gone to the opposite extreme and now a completely converted Christian man, very involved in the church and doing his best to make up for his wrongs, however I still see the person he use to be sometimes when I question him or get involved in his relationship with his "daughter". I often ask myself the very same question, why didn't I leave years ago.. I think she wants me out of the picture. I guess I should have said in my original post, that I do not live with him right now. I moved out 5 months ago because of this very situation, however we've been seeing one another, trying to work it out and seeing a counselor. I just don't think I can ever get past what he has done and how he tells me that I have to deal with it or get out of his life. Seems like a no brainer huh.

I've never been through this personally. I HAVE worked in law firms that represent abusers. I HAVE been in the Courtroom during hearings and trials.

And, yes, I would estimate that a large percentage "finds God" right after they are arrested.

I would also question whether he abused JUST his daughter, whether she was the only child he was attracted to - or just what was going on for all those years.

Oh I have definitely questioned whether she was the only one or not. Most of the time I think he singled her out because she was all he had. Her mother passed away when she was 11 and he was all she had left. She looks just like her biological mother and I think in his own sick twisted way, he tried to see her as her mother, which in itself is awful. She said he told her that if she ever told anyone that they would take her and her sisters away from him and separate them. He used fear to keep her quiet and from what I understand it went on for many years, until she became a consenting adult and then they carried on a secret relationship. I think the girl was so screwed up from everything that she really thought she wanted to be with this man, her step-father. I don't know if there were other victims but I do know that it went on for many many years, it wasn't just a one time terrible mistake. He was remarried during the time this was going on... I think my best bet is to escape all of it, let it go, let him have his relationship with her and her kid and move on with my life. I know I can never deal with what he has done, no matter how much he says he's changed..

This is one of those times when I wish I had warm, wonderful, helpful advice for you. I can't even imagine the pain you are in.

I hope you find peace.

Thank you. It has been very difficult to say the least. This is a man that I love, however a man I do not trust, a man who cares nothing about how bringing her back into our lives affects our marriage... It's been painful for so long that I truly want out now. I need peace in my life. I just wondered if there was anyone out there who had experienced something similar to this and found a way to deal with it and make the best out of such a bad situation, but the more I read the comments the more I realize, you can't make the best out of such an awful situtation. Love has nothing to do with it.

You already know what you should do and that's more than half the battle. I commend you for at least trying to put up with this and deal with it for as long as you did.

Good luck to you.

Thank you for all of the comments and thoughts. Yes, I do already know what I should do and I have taken the first step in doing so. I ended the relationship last night and will eventually file for a divorce. I have doubted and questioned myself for so long that I wasn't sure if leaving him was the right thing to do, or if I should honor my vows and stick with it, for better or worse. My marriage was built on a lie to begin with. I think you can love someone dearly and still not have that person in your life.