Me and my girlfriend were in a long distance relationship.. she had an abusive ex that she would always bring up as well and being beaten as a child by her father. She also has skin cancer. So it was very rocky at times and her mood swings were the worst but usually I would wait it out or she would apologize and everything would be fine. Before things hit rock bottom she started acting very different going out drinking all the time. She kept saying what is happening to me. But I figured she was just sick or it was a phase.. until one night she called me crying saying please don't be mad at her.. because she snorted some type of crushed pill.. she kept saying that her ex messed her head up so bad.. and if I wanted to run she would understand.. she would always say I wouldn't hurt you and I'll be good to you.which I thought was weird and alarming.. well she was still going out and drinking and was like I might snort again.. I was like WTH you were upset about that too days ago what changed.

The last day we talked it was a strange conversation.. she seemed out of it.. and kept saying how if people tell her what to do she will rebel, that nothing makes her happy except her sister.. that her and her best friend didn't talk for months because she was going through this phase.. and that she doesn't want to deal with anything serious, even school which is her heart.. even at times said that she wanted to just leave.. and I said what about your daughter.. and she said well everyone says that. She even stated if you left me I'll just be with someone else.. which was random.. So of course I kept asking what was wrong with her because I was very concerned at this point because she sounded like she hit rock bottom.. she then said I have to go.. which freaked me out.. so I called her back.. she then sent me a text pissed that I did and said she's trying to sleep.. well the next day I kept texting her she didn't answer.. well I freaked out and thought she was trying to leave me.. so I asked her.. she then deleted me from Facebook and I message her asking what is going on with her.. she then said "i just need you to leave me alone for a while I'm going through a lot of **** relax" so I tried to give her space but as the days turned into weeks I started to panic which is something I can't help so I asked her if she needed more time.. no answer, I asked her if she wanted it to be permanent.. no answer.. I asked if she wanted me to wait.. no answer..

At times I told her I was done.. I guess trying to get a reaction.. but still none.. so I emailed her friend because I thought something maybe was wrong with her.. so I sent her a Christmas gift basket of all the little things that made her happy.. but I ordered online so the things came everyday that week.. which made me mad but anyway.. I went to message her but she had a pic of her and some guy like fake kissing.. I was like wth.. so I asked my friend if they were dating because he is friends with her on Facebook.. and he said I don't know.. she flirts with other guys still on her posts and puts flirty innuendos so guys will think its them she's talking about.. and always talks about hot guys at the gym.. I was like OK?

Then he said one night she posted how her man gave her a vibrator.. and one guy said bummer he can't give you his own goods or something and she liked the comment.. but whatever so.. I took it as a break up or fact that she simply pushed me away or maybe I did.. but I was only trying to help.. I don't know what happened to her she always gave me the impression she had some mental disorder..

Long distance + cancer + lousy childhood + hanging around ex and his drugs = total disaster.
I'm sorry it hurts but you have to accept that it's over.
We all go through this.
Surround yourself with friends. Never abandon your friends.

you I know but why push me away of all people?. and I guess the new guy is some random friend of all her girlfriends that drinks and partys.

She may be pushing you away because she doesn't think very highly of herself.
She thinks she only deserves abusive relationships, or casual non-feeling ones, because she doesn't feel capable of love, not having had it as a child.
She may see you as too normal for her. She might even resent you for that.

Let her know you are there for her if she wants someone who loves her the way she is.
But plan on moving on or waiting and suffering for a very long time.
This sort of situation almost never works out.

Sorry dude, but she is so far out there in left field it may be a long time until she hits rock bottom. Pray for her, that's all you can do, and leave her completely alone no matter what.

She doesn't know what love is and doesn't love herself, so she can't love you, until she gets healthy. No telling when that will happen, years, decades, NEVER!!

Sorry you had to suffer through it.

I appreciate the answers I really do.. its just hard because I wish she would come back and some how I can fix her... she always warned me.. but I just didn't know the extent of it.. I just figured it was a typical statement when she said she has issues.. and it sucks being the one blacklisted.. when she joe shmos around her.. and only person that can handle her is the sister.. just miss her no homo

Im happy that you are seeing that this isn't for you.

Aside from LD and an online fantasy.

"Then she said one night she posted how her man gave her a vibrator"

Stop talking to her. Or checking her posts. Its just for guys like you. Who posts that, anyway?
Girls like her.

You like a girl that wants everyone else. Making guys jealous.

Maybe you dig it. I don't.

You I haven't talked to her.. I know I shouldn't check her posts were not friends.. but I shouldn't ask my friend either.. idk she wasn't like that when we were together.. it just bothers me seeing her with this new guy.. because there all friends even friends with her best friends who never liked me or the long distance idea. Its just tough

YOU CAN'T FIX PEOPLE.
You sound young. You will learn this.

Also learn how to summarize when you write. No one wants to read a diary of who texted what or went here or did that. Describe yourself. Describe her. Say how you feel, what it all means.
You could probably communicate better with her your friends too. You told her at times that you were 'done' to get a reaction? What kind of expression of feelings is that? A sign of being very young. EXPRESS yourself. Being blasé and cool and not showing real caring and having a 'whatever' attitude might be her way of dealing with pain of the past but you don't have to pretend. Take the risk of showing you really care.