My life practically ended last Easter when my step father left. He left a lot of trouble for us too. Every holiday ever since hasn't felt like it used to. I've hated it, actually. And now it's Christmas. I don't even feel excited anymore. We have no money anyway, so I won't get anything. I actually asked for nothing to save money.

How do I cope?

I think you take a deep breath and think "next year will be better." Having someone you love walk away is a sort of death, and you need to mourn.

I can't offer you anything but sympathy - and I do offer you that.

Just as a side note - my husband died on Christmas Day. Every holiday is very, very rough for me. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Thank u. Im srry for your loss. Ill b praying for u

Thank u. Im srry for your loss. Ill b praying for u


Oh, thank you - how nice of you!

I realize right now your life is in turmoil. Is anything good going on? Anything to look forward to?

Not much just my friends at school and church. That's about all. In yours?

Well, the miracle in MY life is that two years after my husband died I met someone and got married. My late husband was very sick for a very long time, and he always said he wanted me to be happy. I am.

That doesn't mean I don't remember the days when everything looked dark and hopeless.

As you say, things will never be the same. I'm not saying they won't be good, but they'll never be the same. You will always have that person missing from some portion of your life. As I said, it's like a death... but maybe more painful. My husband had no choice other than dying. Your stepfather did. That's what makes it hard.

Is school on break now for the holidays?

I was a step-mom for 26 years and have recently divorced their father. The holidays are hitting me hard too - from a different perspective because I'm missing them. You know, I bet your stepfather misses you too. You might think about that and see if there is anything you can do to let him know he's important to you? Just write him a letter even if you don't have anywhere to send it. Someday that might change.

You sound like a truly caring person and that's what will make the difference in your life. You very easily think about what another person might be feeling and respond with kindness - do you know that is often rare in life? It says a lot about you in just a few words, that you are someone who probably loves deeply and easily and that you care about what others suffer. Just those things alone will help you through this year - and next year will be better in ways you will never guess. Think about that and try to have a good holiday with those who love you, your friends are the best gift you could have.

Ya its over. Im n touch though. Im srry for your divorce eilishagraph. Thank u. Id write him one but it wouldn't b a good one. He ruined our family and got involved in some bad things. Wen he left he dumped it all on us. We had to move, we lost our home, and my older dister because of him. Thank you and your right. My friends are there for me.

Ya its over. Im n touch tho. Im srry for ur divorce eilishagraph. Thank u. Id write him one but it wouldnt b a good one. He ruined our family and got involved in some bad things. Wen he left he dumped it all on us. We had to move, we lost our home, and my older dister because of him. Thank u and ur right. My friends r there for me.


What goes around, comes around. HIS time will come!

How is your Mom holding up?

You'd be surprised how many people are grieving and suffering this time of year.

I will add that I am a five times stepmother - 2 stepchildren with my late husband, 3 with my current husband. I am still the stepmother of my late husband's children. That doesn't change.

You need to stay strong - hard to believe but these experiences can go two ways. You'll either get bitter and hardened (and you are not, I can tell) or you'll be a better person. Hard to see now, I'm sure.

What do you enjoy, what subjects are you good at? Have you ever tried writing all your feelings down and not sending them, just getting it out?

She's doing fine I think. We don't talk about it much, but I c how much it hurt her every day. Thank u. Ill try to be stronger and make myself a better person out of this

It will get better... after a period passes it begins to feel different.
You will think back and remember it, but it will not be so painful.
Try to establish a new routine for yourself.
Go out and do something for someone who needs help or comfort like you.
This WILL help deaden your pain... because you are doing something wonderful and thoughtful for someone else.
When you see the joy in the other persons eyes and their smiles...
Your world then becomes a better place...
And today... it still works for me...

Dang it's hard to talk about stuff like this, isn't it? My kids are still having a hard time with the divorce even though we'd been separated for many years. I try to talk to them about it but sometimes they just don't want to think about it.

I think you're already strong but something about this time of year really brings out the people hurts, doesn't it? They do get better, I promise you. I know that right now in America it's hard to try to start over and I hope your mom knows where to find some help. There are lots of government agencies for that and it makes a huge relief if she wants to try them.

Take some 'me' time for yourself, too. Don't try to take all of this on, getting it out like this might be a huge relief. Nobody knows why people do bad stuff, people you loved and trusted, but it happens to all of us at some time or another. Years down the road we're usually still shaking our heads and saying "What the heck was that all about?"

Here's to you, and hoping that your New Year brings you some amazing times.

Dang it's hard to talk about stuff like this, isn't it? My kids are still having a hard time with the divorce even though we'd been separated for many years. I try to talk to them about it but sometimes they just don't want to think about it. .


I don't see the similarities. This person's stepfather left the family. Aren't you the one who left?

Just wondering, Hardhit, if you're still posting, still reading, how you are coping. Lots of people seem to be of a "thank goodness it's over" mindset (me included).

I thought of you over the holiday weekend, I truly did. Have you given any thought to writing your thoughts and feelings down, not necessarily to send them to anyone, just to have them?