Hello All, and thanks in advance for reading this.

SO, I am 29 y/o, living in NYC, been single for about a year. I recently met a girl about my same age (from brazil originally), and we clicked really well, and hung out pretty often for a few months (I guess we 'dated'). This is the first girl I've felt strongly about in a while, probably years. I am not dumb when it comes to women, and I can usually read their body language pretty well ---- her body language and her words all gave me the right sings --- that she felt pretty strongly about me as well, and thought about me quite often. We have a lot in common in terms of values (so I thought... ), and also have great chemistry sexually --- great chemistry in general.

She gave me a few mixed signals during this time of dating, but nothing too serious just little pauses I think. And then, a few weeks ago, she tells me that she cannot date me anymore, that because of some traumatic event that happened to her several years ago, she can't get close to any man and she always ends up hurting them.

Of course in my mind, I'm thinking there is something about me that she doesn't like, whether it be that I don't make much money (although I do work and support myself fine), am not what she's looking for long term, or whatever. However she says she doesn't have a problem with me at all, and that she really likes me, and doesn't want to hurt me.

Part of me thinks, 'ok, I've been rejected before, and will be again' so I'll get over it and move on. Part of me, however, thinks it would be such a waste for us not to see each other anymore --- after all how many people do you meet that you really click with and laugh a lot and also share deeper values?

SO I decided (something compelled me... ) to take some space from her because it was driving me crazy and occupying my mind wayyy too much overanalyzing everything. I didn't talk to her for about a week, then we have now started small talking some. She continues to send me mixed messages (kissing me last time we hung out, asking me to talk at night to calm her down when she is freaking out/panicking). The other night she called me really anxious and apparently just the sound of my voice and my talking calmed her down. Also she'll text me randomly small talk stuff --- but clearly it's more than that. Kind of like when you text someone something insignificant just to let them know you are thinking about them.

SO I really don't know what to do here. Right now I am more/less not talking to her much, letting her kind of come to me at her own pace or whatever. I am mostly stable now myself, being productive again, smiling and laughing, etc. I still do think about her quite often though (i.e. All day) and see her around every corner it seems. I haven't felt like this for a while, and I don't understand why she would give me the signs (verbally and non-verbally) and then all of the sudden flake out and claim she can only be friends. I told her I would wait if she wanted, and she gave me a mixed response to that even.

At this point, I am trying to accept that we may never be together, although it really doesn't make sense to me that we would never connect romantically again, unless she was/is just acting with how she feels about me. Anyhow, I try to be her friend now, but it is really hard. LIke the other day she was asking me if I met someone special, etc and that really hurt me. I would never ask her that, although I know she isn't dating anyone and not looking either. But either way --- if I know she doesn't have anyone else, says she doesn't have a problem with me but is just reliving her trauma or w/e, shouldn't I continue to be in touch with her? I really want to be her friend, but part of me is telling me to move on.

What do you guys think? Thank you so much for any thought you give here... :-)

You cannot be friends as long as you hold out hope for more. That's not even friendship. Its hanging around hoping you get a chance to get what you want. She isn't sending mixed signals, just being friendly, but its your own desires getting her signals crossed.

You are stuck now, but need something else to stop you from obsessing on someone who NEEDS a friend. Don't be so available and a bit more honest with her, and yourself.

But do move on with doing your own thing.

All in you head.

"(I guess we 'dated')"

No sense getting all hooked up on someone that you don't know. Haven't really started anything with.

Get out of fantasy land.

Slap yourself in head. I wouldn't be her friend.
You can't handle that.

Im from NY. Lots of girls there.
Get out more.

Thanks for your answers guys. Maybe I didn't describe the situation well enough --- we actually DID date, I just don't like using the word date. Also the signs were all there, the body language, the verbal, and the great chemistry. So I am most definitely not in fantasy land with regards to the fact that she is attracted to me (even if we were to hangout today she would be attracted to me I know that).

I think your answers are more suited perhaps for someone who hasn't received much reciprocation from the object of his desires... the problem is that I've received a lot of it --- which makes sense to me based on our chemistry --- but then there is something in the way of her getting closer to me. So anyway I have decided to move on for now, and perhaps I can be her friend in the future but I know that I think she is a great catch and I'll always probably want her to be with me. And just because you like someone doesn't mean you can't be a friend, it just takes some self awareness and patience. Right now I don't have that but maybe in the future.

Ok man.

You can be her best friend forever, just as long as you don't have any romantic aspirations with this girl.

She may be a great catch, just not yours.

Up to you how you want to spend your time.

At least you are recognizing your own limits and boundaries.

Attraction, and compatibility doesn't guarantee a great relationship. Makes for a great friendship though.