I just recently moved and 2 hours after I got off the plane I met this girl, and we locked onto each other and clicked. She's 25 I'm 24. She has this boyfriend that treats her like crap and is verbally abusive. She cleans his house gives him money pays his bills bought him a new motorcycle. Makes me sick! She is very hard working and down to earth. With a huge heart. They have been together for two years.

As for her and I we started hanging out and doing things together and we just got closer and closer she says she's so happy with me and I'm all she thinks about.. We haven't done anything sexually except kiss. No tongue.

I told her you need to do what's right for you and what's going to make you happy, don't do it for me or him. She replies I have no reason to treat him like this, I wish he would just mess up so I can leave him. She's across what's going to happen to him when or if she leaves him. I've gone of several dates with her and its like we are together but not. I'm hurting something fierce, and she knows what I want but she's lost in her mind and doesn't know what to do... And this may be a woman I'd consider marrying someday its just she's got this damn baggage. I want to be with her bad, but I have no other moves but here we are nuts over each other... What do I do? What do I do...

Are you crazy?? You must be for giving your heart to a stranger and letting her cheat on her guy, with YOU.

Pretty disgusting, and stupid, don't you think?

Well I haven't done anything with her, I won't.

Sure you will if you get the chance. You make it clear to her that you will be there if and when she leaves him.

I told her that she needs to take care of herself not for me or him. She's got a good heart but she hasn't realized how messed up the relationship has been until I came along and has showed her what its like to be treated right for once... But I did say I'm not going anywhere and that ill be here for good but she needs to evaluate this situation and do what's right for her.

Well I haven't done anything with her, I wont.


You're meeting and talking and kissing (no tongue, of course). That's emotionally cheating on her boyfriend unless, of course, she's told him she's met you.

Of course, she isn't actually having sex with her boyfriend after coming home from a date with you. Or is she?

Let's see - if you had a girlfriend and she told your life story to a stranger and the stranger started hanging around with her behind your back and kissing her (no tongue), how would you feel?

If it wouldn't bother you - keep on seeing her. Just keep her away from airports so she doesn't meet the next guy the same way she met you.

Touché, its pretty hard to explain via internet but yet that is true

I just re-read your post - actually YOU are the third party, not him.

Yes, it's pretty hard to explain and understand. Cheating is cheating. That comes across loud and clear.

And I'll ask you a serious question, nothing sarcastic - wouldn't it trouble you in the long run to know that you are married (which you are considering) to a woman who cheated on another man with you?

I learned a long time that if they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you.

Honestly, I wish you luck. You're in a bad spot and I think you are wearing blinders.

Jimmy met a girl he now likes
But doesn't know what to do
She says she has a boyfriend
Who's not so nice, who's a fool

They hang out and kiss each other
But say there's no tongue involved
I'd say that's enough for cheating
Not a dilemma to be solved

Jimmy says she likes him too
And he's all she thinks about
But is waiting for her guy to mess things up
For her to pack up and move out

They've gone on several dates together,
But wait, isn't she still with him?
A happy ending to all of this,
Are pretty small and slim

Jimmy, buddy, give her space
And leave them two alone
Until she decides she wants out herself
And tells the other guy to move on

Like Judy said, if she did it to him
She may very well do it again
There's no guarantee, but what if it's true
What will you do then?

Think about the whole situation
And back up a step or two
Until she comes clean with her guy
And things with them are through

Until then, there's nothing you can do
No, wait... yes there is
Don't kiss this girl (even with no tongue)
She's not yours, she's still his

Jimmy, you seem like a good guy caught in a bad situation and may have made a wrong choice in making yourself emotionally available to a girl who's still in a relationship with someone else. I know that temptation can sometimes be strong and our rationale goes out the door, but it's not cool to allow her to do things with you without first ending things with her guy - assuming that it's what she really wants and it's only a matter of time that she will do it. Tell her that you don't want to be the reason that she's making this decision, and that she would have made it either way, whether she'd met you or not.

What Judy said is absolutely true, by the way, if they did it with you, they'll do it to you. We can't be certain, of course, but the statistics have shown that that is the case more often than not.

If you're a great guy and she sees herself with you, let her make that decision on her own and then do as you wish. Good luck Jim.

There is nothing honourable, and there is nothing that can justify, cheating.

You speak so highly of her, yet, she is cheating on her boyfriend. That involves lying, sneaking around, secret phone calls and texts, then afterwards, covering her tracks, and lying face to face with her boyfriend about where she's been.

You believe everything she says about her boyfriend, who she makes out to be a low-life bottom feeder. Yet, she is still with him. He could be the opposite of her description for all you know, and he could very well be a nice guy, who has no idea his girlfriend is working a romance behind his back.

Maybe this lying, cheating woman, lied and cheated on the boyfriend she had to hook the one she has, and now you are the next one in line.

There are reasons for her decisions, and you have no idea what they are. She should be wagging her tongue with her current boyfriend, and putting on her big girl panties, and ending the relationship before she starts up with another man- at the same time.

But honourable people don't cheat. They deal with their problems, and don't drag other people into the mess. Then honest people say, they are not available, no, I won't meet with you, no, I won't kiss you and keep my tongue in my mouth, and no, I'm not ready, willing, or able, to add cheating on top of all the other problems I have in my current relationship.

And you see her as someone to marry down the road?

This is a little twist in your thinking that, in my opinion, needs to be hammered out. First, realize she is NOT available. And she isn't available because she already has a boyfriend, and has no clear intent to leave him. And should she leave him for you, the baggage you speak of, goes right along with her. She has not worked through the aftermath of recovering from one serious relationship before jumping into another, should she run to you with bags in hand.

And it is pretty much a given, as Judy said, that there are patterns that repeat themselves, with people who cheat on their mates, with cold, calculating goals. That would be the next one that comes along.

My advice to you is to take off those rose coloured glasses, end the cheating you are contributing too, and wait it out to see if she is woman enough to take care of her own business, without being rescued by anybody but herself.