I first met him when I was about 14 years old. He was 19 years old and was a teacher's aid to my band director at the high school. I'm young of course and I'm here seeing this man and he was so handsome to me. His great features amazing hair and his broad shoulders. He was so well built. Extremely appealing to the eye. And what an amazing personality. I kept all of this to myself of course. Never made a move on him, I'm not crazy, nor told anyone. The relationship he had with the band was very lax, like any other classmate or friend but HE WAS an instructor to us. He mentored us with our music and form. He was a trumpet player and so was I so I was able to interact with him a lot because he would help out the trumpet section, naturally. Later I came to know that I was the first female trumpet player he had met. So band camp (band member training and practice to learn shows and music) goes on and I grow to him like any other student would. And we became good friends. Lunch time would come around and a few of us including myself would sit together and eat, have a ball. On a few occasions I would catch him alone and go sit and talk to him. To me it was the best thing in the world. Of course keeping all the gitty "little girl has a crush on her teacher stuff" to myself. But I would greatly enjoy the moments of time talking to him. After time, I would notice him looking at me and smiling. I would just light up for a second, I could feel myself turning red >< . After a few of those, whenever I would catch him alone, he would sit next to me. He started to find me alone sometimes in the band room and he would come up to me. I was just excited to see him every time. And I did start to notice him notice me more. I could feel this unsaid vibe of restricted attraction between us and I knew for a fact he felt it to. He would go to the brims of what was the status quo between student and teacher at school. But I was able to give him my phone number and we began talking almost every other night on the phone. Nothing outside of midnight phone calls. We would talk about anything and everything for hours and hours on end. I think we both silently agreed to what was going on and its remained that way ever since. An unsaid and unspoken attraction with the status quo to the outside world and whenever we catch a chance, a midnight conversation about everything. But that agreement was altered the day he was fired for a misunderstanding with another student. So he moved along from the high school job. It hurt me very much when I found out he had to go and that he wouldn't be teaching us anymore. I missed those mornings before the bell rung hanging out together and the late night band practices with him there. It was very nostalgic. We did keep on talking to each other on the phones and sometimes wanted to see each other outside because we didn't have the luxury of seeing each other everyday at school anymore. So all of that was about 5 years ago. We've kept everything felt unsaid becqause those were our terms for our mingling because of obvious reasons. He is way older, he would have gone to jail, my mother would have probably castrated him, his reputation etc. Many factors were in effect. But it didn't matter to me. To us I should say. We nourished our hidden and very secret blooming feelings for each other.
I am much older now. I am 20 years old. I am beginning my own life and way. I am clearly of age. And there is probably less stress of him and I ever beginning anything. I get to see him now a lot more often. But there are still factors in the way. As the years of the status quo in public remaining and keeping our don't ask don't tell only feel and enjoy contract. We both have made our lives as they come. He is currently with another woman and I am with someone else as well. Every time I see him though I remember that fire, and every time he looks at me I know he still feels and yearns for it too. But we don't want to shift the universe of things. I recently spoke to him and asked him to please tell me something of what he feels about this. After only feeling for so long and now being able to be so close yet extremely far, I needed something to tell me that this girl he is with is making him happy and that if I can't be with him at least I know he is set and happy. I accepted that he would be happy with someone else the moment he got with her. I stood aside and let our agreement fade to a lower level. But seeing him, often sparks it back up a few levels. And I can't handle the yo yo any more. I want to know what he feels I want to know what to do. I want to know if I should hang on to this for ever in hopes or if I should just let this be. I feel this unparalleled attraction and love for him and the day I asked him to please speak of us he said the same things. It was like he was reading my secret book in my heart of everything I felt for him. He neither made a move on me because I was also with someone else. He hoped that he would make me happy too. If only we would have spoken about each other to each other sooner , we would probably be together now but it didn't happen that way. I told him to speak and he said everything perfectly that I wanted to hear. And I know he needed it too. It isn't lust because its never gone further than a greeting hug or a hugging embrace whenever we are alone. I know it is genuine and truly the tingling feeling that moves me inside. That xyz factor towards someone amazing. And I can't take this anymore. I am on the brim of sabatoging my own relationship now because it is not fair to the man I am with now for me to feel for someone else in hopes of him doing the same and coming to me. I am 75% sure that is exactly what I must do. I must clear the road for him and have him come to me. LIke I said I am 75% sure. I need to know he would do the same as well. I need to know if I'm being foolish and should wait for him to make a move or what. I just don't want to lose him forever more. What should I do? Should I talk to him again? Ask him what he wants? Is it right to be so selfish and alter the way things are now so we can be truly insanely happy together? The girl he is with now, like if you would see them, they look so careless and happy and I have the same relationship with my boyfriend now. He had told me that he spilled about us "hypothetically" to one of his closest friends. His friend asked him from a scale of 1 to 10 how happy are you he said he was an 8. His friend then asked him how happy he think he would be if he were with the other girl. He said that that 8 would go up significantly. I just don't know what whim to go on. I feel like just clearing the path for him and hoping forever. I feel like going on that whim. I just want to know if it makes sense or if I'm just going crazy. I believe him truly to be my one happiness. With him lies everything that we could ever want. What should I do

First, end your current relationship. You aren't in it to build a future with the person and are on the edge of using him. You aren't happy and careless with him. He is the reason you aren't alone and pining for Someday (for lack of a better term for him.) He is a fall-back plan. That is not good or fair for either of you.

Next, end all contact with Someday. He is by his own choice in a relationship which makes him off-limits. Leave them to figure out their own lives and don't plan yours around him.

You need to let him and any thoughts/dreams of a relationship with him go. You have been holding on to a fantasy for a very long time. It's time to let it go as an adolescent dream.

Stop any and all contact with him. Don't get updates from well-meaning friends. What you have been doing has been keeping you confused and filling you with what appears to be false hope. Don't clear the way for him. 'Clear the path' for you to find someone who makes you feel even more special and alive than you think Someday does.

Until you let Someday go and relegate him to the past where he belongs, you aren't going to find the person who is a better match for you. If you don't let go, there will always be a part of you holding out hope that he will ride in and carry you away. No man can compete with that type of dream. Even Someday can't live up to it.

Let both of them go and build a life that is ready to accept love and a relationship with a real male instead of a fantasy.

Good luck.

I think you could go any way but if you want something out of it then you just want to be strickly his friend and only his friend

That's what you n him need some times the best relationships come from the best friendships

That's all it will take

Only time will tell...

If Someday wanted to be with you, he would.
You are living in fantasy land and are using your current boy friend as back up.
Leave the current alone, you are obviously not happy with him, but let go of those thoughts about Someday. He is with someone else.
What happened between you two back then should not have happened. He has hopefully realized the error of his ways and is in a mature relationship. Leave him alone.