I lost my job a few months ago. Along the way, I lost my apartment and my children and now I'm living in a studio hotel apartment. I feel like all the drive has been sucked out of me. My children both hung themselves(my son in December 2009 and my daughter in November 2001) and they are now in the custody of children's services and I am alone.

I've found an apartment in a town 35 miles away, but they don't want to leave our current city. I'm taking the apartment because I can afford it on my benefits and I can finally focus on getting a part-time job and then getting my children back. The problem is, my son is in a hospital and can't come home and my daughter doesn't want to live with me and chose to stay in foster care. I can still see them anytime I want, but on one hand I want them back with me. On the other hand, I don't want them back with me because I can finally focus on myself, something I haven't done in more than 16 years. My son might want to come back home but that's up to the judge and I'm not sure I can manage him--he is bipolar and very violent--but I'm willing to try.

Am I wrong for letting my children go to Children's Services? I am trying my best to get things back on track, but I just feel it would be for the best if I could focus on myself for a little while. My children are almost grown and won't need me anymore in a few years and I need a new focus.

I am sorry to hear about your sityation. Firstly, you need to sort yourself out ( have a good job, apartment ) and then urgently you need to talk to your kids, tell them you really want them back with you and try to repair the relationship with them. I am sure they need you, they might just not want to admit it. You didn't tell me why all that happened, why are your kids upset? If your son is violent make sure you talk to psychiatrist about him and ask him what to do. Good luck.

How old are they? Your daughter tried suicide in 2001 and yet is only 'almost grown' now? Something doesn't quite add up.
It concerns me that you say they hung themselves. In standard American parlance that means they succeeded. So I wonder why you would say that instead of tried to hang themselves.
It sounds to me like you are in one of those circular worries (that we all experience). You want the kids, you want to get yourself on track. But you don't want to abandon the kids again, and miss out on their childhood and being their mother. So where do you start? I think you really do have to start with yourself, alone for a while. (When you read that, what was your split second reaction? Oh no or oh good?) You are the best judge of this because we don't know any more about you than you say here.
I just can't imagine trying to deal with a new place, a new town, finding a job, and a teenage son who is destructive and angry, plus a daughter who doesn't want to be there. Recipe for more disaster, right?
Missing childhood is sad but it's amazing what you can do to make up for lost time later. Often parent and child get along much much better when they are BOTH adults and the child can see the parent as a person, and not an entity called Mother who has to be perfect.
Good luck and write back how you feel, below.