Hi Friends,
I wished for a happy married life and from the day of my betrothal, I had issues in our married life. Everyday I pray that this day goes away with no fight between me and my wife.

We were married for more than 4 years now. We were living together for one year prior to our marriage. We also had a girl child last year, who has turned 1 year now.

I love my wife. I love my child more than anything else. I am a performer at my office. I spend enough money for my family. I am financially stable as well. I also spend time with my family. We also have a very good maid who takes care of my baby and doing much of the house chores. My wife had been working for last one year.

My problem is with the lack of intimacy between me and my wife.
Within the last 2 years, we have attempted love making only four times. The first year she had been carrying, so it was understandable. Afterward we had the baby and I waited till the baby grows to 6 months or so. Now she is not interested in me anymore. But that does not mean that she is overstressed or taking care of the baby all the time. My maid takes care of the baby much of the time. She is appearing to be much interested in office stuffs these days.

I have had a trip to Europe last month.. After coming back I expected a hug or a kiss from her.. I got nothing.. When I tried to hug & kiss her, she was so hesitant (I checked.. I did not have a bad breath.. ) and turned her face away playfully.. I did not know what she was trying to convey to me.. It cannot be a stress factor that she cannot even show some signs of love toward me..

In early days when I used to watch TV at late night, she used to complaint.. But when I stopped it, she wants to sleep early.. And that too, she sleeps away from me.. When she understands that I am hurt, she comes close to me and hugs me and after that moves away from me.. if I make an attempt to kiss her or so, she tells me she has to leave to office early..

I had been a failure in my bed.. I should agree.. I had erection problems..
However, I used to try my best to satisfy my wife by foreplay and other acts..
I get turned on by kiss and I would like to kiss my wife during love making.. And she always turns her face away.. I can't get turned on by a response less body alone..
I mentioned it many times, but with no use..

Well, this may not be a big issue for many of you.. But I don't want to go to any other woman for my satisfaction.. I forget my issues by simply playing with my child and looking at my child's innocent smiles.. I just wish for a better life for my child..

I don't know what to do..
Everyone in my family was against my marriage due to unstable family background of my wife.. However, I loved her very much and I took the initiative.. Soon after the marriage, everything got changed.. We had only complains about each other.. And my wife appreciates everyone else, except me..

My wife had been so possessive that I cannot even have a good friend circle..
I like watching movies in theaters and she does not want to..
I like going around.. She is lazy.. Earlier she used to come with me when I force her.. No she has excuse telling without the kid we cannot go..
And she does not have any problem going to office leaving the kid alone with the maid for 12 hours..

I am frustrated..
I wish if I get some illness like cancer or something of that sort..
I don't wish to live in this manner.. I have good insurance coverage.. if I die, my wife can live with that money.. I am only worried about my child.. I am worried, if I die, there is no guarantee that my wife will take care of her.. My wife has changed her jobs quite often and most of them due to some issues with the employer..

May be little bit of advice from someone can help me stretch a little bit more..
Regards,
Ged

Make love to her mind, and the body will follow in time. See a doctor about the erectile dysfunction, and get back to the lines of communications that got you together in the first place.

That's your key, honestly express yourself in a loving manner to understand what she expects, and hopes to happen in this marriage. Her needs and yours may not be a match, so never assume she is not stressed, just because you do what YOU think she should like.


My wife has changed her jobs quite often and most of them due to some issues with the employer..

I suspect she would rather stay home, myself, and be a stay at home mom. Is this possible? Whose idea is it to work outside the home? She has been through a life changing event bearing a child, and it may be a few years before she fully heals, and adjust to the changes, physically, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. I am sure there is much in her mind that you need to know, and work together on. You must first understand what's going on with her, as depression is something she may not be aware of, but needs a doctor to help her through it.

You have a lot of homework to do to find out what's on your females mind.

It seems like there are problems coming forward, and a pattern of silence, distance, and needs not being met are at the core of your life.

What problems do you see that were apparent prior to marriage. Why does your wife change jobs frequently, and if she is putting in 12 hour days, she's not putting her family (you and your child) first. Why do you think that is. It sounds like she is quite distant to both you and your child together.

How are issues resolved when problems arise. You note the lack of intimacy- when you have talked to her, does she give any insight at all- is she stressed out, unhappy, feeling down or blue, etc.

Would she go, or have you suggested, marriage counselling. Have you considered this for yourself, even if she doesn't go.

Eventually, there has to be something done to open the lines of communication. Everything seems to have ground to a halt. Building a life together requires at least the ability to communicate, even if it's arguing productively. Something- anything- to get to the reasons you have drifted so far apart.

When you say you 'don't wish to live in this manner', and you have prepared for your wife and child to be taken care of financially if you are gone. Are you saying you see death as a solution to your problems?

If you are feeling this desperate, it is time to seek help. Not all of what is happening is caused by you, and you can't fix a marriage, by yourself. Do you see things improving without some outside help, such as marriage counselling? Would you, or have you considered counselling for yourself?

More information would be helpful to get an understanding of where you are, and where you are heading.

I agree. Seek help. Talk. Have goals beyond this.

Sometimes I wonder why people get together & stay. Why did you?

Have babies, but no passion. I am a product of that marriage. Me & my 5 siblings.
No disrespect.

What's next for you two? What does she want?