Moved to its own thread

My wife of 3 years is filing for divorce next week. She is a heavy pot user and wouldn't even cook for me. I was cooking 2 meals a day and dealing with the dogs while she surfed the internet and smoked pot. Finally I started really getting on her case. In frustration I told her we would be better off separated, but wanted her to get her act together. So now she is divorcing me, while I want us to patch things up. She asked for 3 months low / no contact and says she wants the divorce and to be single again but is not sure about us being a couple again. She says she is confused and she needs time to sort things out. I have resolved to move on in the likely case she decides against reconciling. I am going to counseling while she is just smoking pot. I really love her and she says she loves me, but I am terrified of both a future without her and being left stuck on the relationship while she moves on. We really haven't gone a week without no contact and I am already so panicky and missing her like crazy. Totally unsure as to what to expect and the uncertainty is killing me. Deep down I know she may not be right for me, but I still want to be back together with her. Why are relationships so hard?

Why are relationships so hard? I think potentially destructive, unhappy relationships are hard. I've certainly had difficult break ups. I always found that actually listing the "pros" and "cons" helped me. Your wife does't work, smokes pot (which some pays for) all day, surfs the Internet, you do it all.

What are her good points?

Do they balance out the bad?

Sorry my friend, but since you have allowed her to be this way with no consequences, you will remain stuck. Actions speak louder than words, so get your own life together and let your pot smoking wife cook for herself, and buy her own dope, without your help.

Do that instead of gripping, and I am willing to bet she either gets her butt in gear, or leaves with the dope man. Both of these options works for you.

How long during the past three years that you have been married, has she done nothing but smoke pot. Is it because of her pot smoking that she is unemployed and unproductive? Would she be considered by you to be a heavy pot smoker, or is it more that any pot smoking is too much.

Without the pot smoking, do you think she would cook your meals, clean the house, work, raise a family?

What person in other words, would she be, without smoking pot.

Who was the person you married three years ago, and what happened to cause this huge rift- 'just' the pot smoking?

Well directly, you can not stop her from getting a divorce, at this you can only protect yourself, so that she does not use your feelings against you, to take or get more than she should.

You have described a relationship that you should be glad to be getting out of