Hi guys,

So, I'm in a 2 year relationship and after an argument my girlfriend arrives over, sits down and takes a deep breath and says "I want to break up".

It completely takes me of guard. I remain silent, focus my thoughts and calmly try to probe out the reasons.

The reasons I get are, the relationship is too hard and should not be this hard. I disagree and say all relationships are hard, we been together 2 years we have to work at it for it to last.

We discuss breaking up for a while and the reasons, she is crying continuously. I am not. No, I'm not heartless I'm still shocked and I think she may be jumping the gun a bit.

After some talking I tell her I don't want to break up, I believe we can work at our relationship and build it up again. She is hesitant and says it's too hard.

More time passes and I ask her to explain her feeling about various things. Three things stuck out.
1. I love you but it's not enough.
2. I hate the way you think sometimes.
3. I love you but I'm not in love with you.
So I ask for explanations. I ask her if I'm a bad boyfriend? She says no. I ask her if I've wronged her some way? She says no, I'm really nice most of the time but in arguments I hurt her. I ask her am I supportive? She says I'm very supportive. I ask her am I not loving enough? She says I'm loving but could be a bit more affectionate. Again, I ask her if I'm a bad boyfriend, she says no I'm really not and I'm a lovely person.

So naturally I'm confused and once again ask her why are we breaking up? She says she doesn't know. She was certain earlier and yesterday but now that she's talking to me she doesn't know. And the fact I'm being so nice about it isn't helping. She wished I just got mad and kicked her out.

Then she announces she feels really guilty for dropping this on me suddenly. I hug her and tell her it's fine she is only doing what she feels right. Then she says she feels really bad for making me sad and I calmly sit her down and tell her, if her being with me is making her miserable and if she was to stay with me and be sad that would make me far more unhappy.

Then she decides she wants a break, a one month break. I say no. Personally I don't believe in them, it's just an excuse to see if the grass is greener Over there and if not come back. However she does want the break so I agree to a 2 week break with the option of her extending it if needed after the 2 weeks. We talk some more and then she decides maybe she only needs 1 week. I encourage the original 2 week plan but if she has decided after 1 she can let me know. I'll follow her lead completely.

I made her some food and let her eat it (she was still very shook up) as I packed her things. After I had packed them she walked in and kissed me, not a peck, full on romantic Tongue kiss and then I took her to her car as she held my hand.

So, I'm confused. We are on this 2 week break thing. But why the kiss and hand holding just before she left? Is that normal? It seriously messed with my head anyway.

Thank you all for reading and I very much appreciate any replies. Thank you!

You have set terms, follow them. Do your thing, have fun, and see what happens. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

But, just me, when she ask for a break, give it to her, disappear, and do your own thing without her.

Don't let a sloppy wet kiss mess with your head. And when words and actions don't match, you are supposed to be confused, seeing as this was a shock to you. The shock will wear off. And you will see the adjustments you need to make.

You can't rationalize love. You're either in, or out, and where she wants to end the relationship, you turned it around to her not having a good enough reason. Then the negotiations started, and the two of you ended up agreeing on a break.

There must be more history here, and while this appears out of the blue, and without merit, after two years, she must have felt she had good reason, or she wouldn't have said she wanted to break up in the first place.

While you asked questions that seemed to make you 'qualified' as a boyfriend, her boyfriend, she may have reasons beyond the obvious. She may simply just not feel the same way as she did, and realized that the relationship, to her, had just run its course. It is not always possible to list reasons, or answer well when her decision was questioned. It does not mean that she has changed her mind, it really only means that she did not explain herself well enough to you that you accepted it.

And sometimes a breakup doesn't mean a breakup. A break lets her clear her head and either stick to breaking up, or abandoning the idea and getting back together.

Either way, it is her decision to make. During the two weeks, I would resist the urge to contact her in any way, even to ask her how she's doing. If she goes back to you with doubt, this will only repeat itself.

She likely had made up her mind after dwelling on all the negatives in the relationship, which people sometimes do... but after talking to you, having you focused on her and the relationship, and having to look at some of the positives, it caused her to rethink things a bit.

Perhaps she had been feeling that you were not as invested in the relationship, and in making it better, as she was.

As was said, give her the break to think things through.

You know... My girlfriend would have thrown the book at me. She would have said if you really cared about me you wouldn't have let me walk away. I am somewhat more laid back than she is so usually I let her go. I can't say that your girlfriend would do the same, but the kiss and hand-holding thing. She's toying with you pretty much. She still has feelings for you and she is having second thoughts about everything.

Like you even said, being nice to her didn't help things. I have even done the same thing in a way, I recently broke up with my girlfriend, but I can't help but feel sad about the situation. All I want to do is hug her and tell her everything will be OK. Even if I know in the back of my mind it won't.

Somewhere along the line it's human nature. If you're good people, that is. What she did is normal and I think that if you want to be with her, you still have a chance. But if you do stay together, you're going to have to get to the bottom of what's really going on. There is something else for sure. Because if she says you're a good boyfriend and all that jazz. What's the big deal? Good luck... Get to the bottom of it... And go from there.

You made an agreement, a break is a break. Do NOT contact her AT ALL for those two weeks, see where it going. Afterwards I can almost guarantee the next 2 weeks will be needed, give her those. Then she might either come to her senses or still feel the same way. If she comes to her senses, then sit down and talk about the things you both needs to work on as a couple so that this feelings don't happen again. However, if she still wants to break up, you are going to have to keep your word as a man, erase her from anything, go no contact, keep yourself busy, and move on with your life. An agreement is an agreement, follow it, can't hurt you.

Please make sure that on the "break" time you do not contact her at all, this is crucial if you want them minimal chance to get back together with her.