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View Full Version : He wants to break up because of distance, new job, and stress, not lack of feelings


gilead
Nov 10, 2011, 12:06 AM
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year. He's in high school and I just started college this fall. We are very devoted to each other and from the very beginning felt an incredibly strong connection to each other. We decided early on that we'd stay together when I went to school because neither of us have any interest in other people and even when we lived 15 minutes apart we barely got to see each other more than once a week outside of school. His family is very different than mine and his Dad was putting pressure on him to get a job from when I first knew him and in the meantime was expected to spend a lot of his free time working in his dad's car shop. When I left for school everything was going well, we still felt good about things but then he got a new job and started working 30 hours a week with a full schedule including AP classes. Our contact dwindled and he started to feel more and more stress. The breaking point came when because of last minute calls from work he wasn't able to see me at all the weekend I came home to visit him. My feelings were hurt because he'd been keeping his distress about his commitments to himself (as well as feeling depressed and being isolated) so I was blindsided when he said he just couldn't do this. We had a long discussion about it and he said he just couldn't handle his work and school schedule as well as supporting me. We decided to take some time to think (it ended up being three weeks)and then we talked about it some more but were at an impasse. He said that he wants me to have more than he's capable of giving. We were unable to come to a conclusion and so it's been almost a month since the first conversation and it's still unresolved. It's awful because he does still feel the same way about me, wants a future with me and doesn't want to date other people if/when we separated but feels unable to carry on a relationship right now. I care about him deeply and am willing to give him support without getting much in return because I believe that in a relationship sometimes one person needs to be selfish. He has always put me first and still thinks he is now by trying to protect me but I'd rather have it be rough and unbalanced for the next few months until things ease up than be brokenhearted and apart. How can I get through to him? I honestly believe we're meant to be and he even said that if it's meant to be it'll happen but how do I go about helping it happen without putting pressure on him?