My mom is very hateful towards me and I don't know how to handle it. A little background: Her father is a terrible person. He never showed her any support or affection, or even acknowledged that she was there most of the time when she was growing up. He only speaks to her now if he is trying to get money or something else from her. She told me that he came to her high school graduation, and she hadn't seen him in five years. The first thing he said to her was that she had gotten fat. He still says things about her weight and she is only a little overweight.

I am very close with my father, and I think she is jealous of our relationship. She has always been very hard on me. She constantly criticizes everything that I do; nothing is ever good enough. There is no reason for this. I am far from perfect, but I have never been in any legal trouble. I have a college degree in mathematics and working on a second degree in nursing. I was very depressed when I graduated college because, like many others my age, I was not able to find a job. I spent a lot of my free time applying to jobs and going to interviews, and she would still say that I wasn't trying hard enough or that I was too negative. She, on the other hand, constantly complains about her job. If I ever say anything though, I am a very negative person. I might be negative at times, but I feel like everyone is sometimes, especially when you are depressed. At least I am trying to do something about my situation. After a year and a half of job searching, I decided to go back to school for nursing. She was against this and said she didn't think I would be able to handle it. It's really damaging when I have overcome many obstacles in life, and my mother, who is supposed to believe in me, says she doesn't think I can handle being a nurse. It's not like I said I was going to work for the CIA or run for president.

At times when I have gone to her about problems I am having, she has acted like I am wasting her time and told me to go talk to my dad about it. She says this in a tone like she is really saying, "Why don't you just go run to your daddy?" They are divorced and she hates my dad.

We have a cat that is 19 years old and she can't control her bowels sometimes. My mom can't put her down, so her solution is to lock the cat outside. Well, I know she is a cat, but she is very old and she sits at the back door and cries to be let in constantly. I let her in and when my mom yelled at me, I tried to tell her that it isn't right. I said how would you like it if when you are old and can't control your bowels, I lock you outside or just put you in a home? That wouldn't be right. She said, "Oh trust me Meaghan, I don't believe for one second that you wouldn't put me in a home when it comes to that." That really hurt because it isn't true. I said, "Let's just get something straight. I know that you hate me, but I don't hate you and I would never do that to you." She just glared at me and said "Oh really?"

I don't understand her and I don't know what to do. I have to live with her until I graduate and can afford to move out. My dad can't afford for me to move in with him. He has already helped me so much, and I couldn't do that to him. I pretty much live off loans and a part time job tutoring right now, so she doesn't really help me financially other than letting me live in her house. I do pay her 100 dollars a month for rent. I know I will never have the loving, supportive mother that I have always wanted, but I feel like she actually hates me. I have tried to talk to her about it before and she acts like I am being weak and overdramatic. I don't know what else to do. I try to detach myself, but it really hurts when a parent treats you this way. It does something to me, psychologically.

My advice is going to seem harsh - but it's "move out." Letting you live in her house rent and expense free IS helping you financially, in fact, it's helping you a great deal. $100 a month for room, board, etc?

Move in with your father (he is already helping you financially? How much extra will it take if he already has an apartment to allow you to move in), get your own place, rent a room.

She is being cruel to your 19 year old cat and you are doing nothing about that?

I think you and the cat need to move on.

You can't make anyone do anything they don't want to do - and that includes supporting, loving or even liking you.

I'd suggest therapy for one or both of you but that's a pat answer.

Why do you feel so trapped into living with your mother? How old are you?

I have to agree with Judy here, you and the cat need to move.

If your mother already lived in a nursing home, or a studio apartment, what would you be forced to do then.

It sounds like neither of you need each other, and both of you are miserable together.

I would say that your mother's disregard of the cat, and its problems, needs to also be addressed. If there is no money to consider putting the cat down, please find a place for him, or consult with your vet to see what can be done.

You have no defense against a woman, or any person for that matter, that had a rough childhood, or marriage, who makes the choice to live a bitter life. At some point, we all make choices, and we are all generally aware that there are options for us if we wish to address issues that keep us in those depressive frames of mind. Like Judy also said, it does sound like a moot point. But, it is her choice to improve herself, and her life, or continue to live in the past.

You have choices. Look for student loans through a bank, through grants; pick up a part time job, seek assistance from the school's resources. Change to part time and work at the same time if you can, or work and delay nursing school for a year. Talk to your father and see what he has to say. He may have ideas you have not thought of.

One thing is for sure. Your mother's past does not mean you are doomed to live it too. Nor does her relationship with you mean that your relationships are going to be tainted because of her being a lousy mother. That your parents are divorced has no bearing on how you decide to live your life. If you have difficulty breaking emotionally draining ties with your mother, get help on your own. It is only YOUR life that you need to worry about, and secondly, how to go about living it, keeping your dreams alive, and figuring out a way to achieve them.

I would say move on, and move out. Make it happen.

I think a lot of your mother's problems seem to emanate from the relationship you have with your father.
Maybe without thinking you bring your father into conversation quite a lot, without actually realising it.
I am sure if your father was treating you badly then your mother would be the first one to come to your aid.
The reason for this would be that you would both be on common ground... as you say she hates your father.

From her point of view she has lost her only allie,which is you.The situation is her on one side and you and your father on the other.
I know you say you have tried very hard to get along with her but I am sure on many occasions you have put your father on a pedestal,which is like constantly rubbing her nose in it... as she has said to you "go run to daddy he'll help you"

I think you should find a way to get somewhere on your own, then confront you mother,try and appeal to her better nature( it's there somewhere)tell her you can no longer live with this hatred which you believe she feels for you,tell her that she is your mother and that despite what she thinks you do love her.

I feel that you really don't want to move out but you can't put up with this situation.
Having confronted your mother( try not to argue )let her see that this is definitely your intention,leave her for a while let her think on it... see what happens.It's worth a try I feel.

If the situation does not change,then you are already prepared, just leave.

You must however deal with the cat.. this is not fair and unkind.

Wow I can't believe thata someone else is goinig through this. I'm 29, I have a 4 year old son and I live with my mother. My husband is prison. So when he went I eneded up at my mothers house. She is awful. Yes. I am adult but my support system is 150 miles away for over 3 years. (My husband) Ever since I was a teenager I told there that my step father was looking at my sister sexually she has resented me. She saw it for herself one night. She never left him. She always movee back in with him. She never ever talks about what he did, but boy she never lets me rest about anythign I do. She talks awful about to everyone. She tries to play my brothers and sister against me to. She has tried to get child services to take my son from me 3 times. She is now evicting me knowing that I have I know job or income. Boy will she be in for a surprise when she finds out...
I pray constantly and do all I can to understand why she is angry at me for something my step father did. At this point I have realized I have done absolutely nothing wrong. So I have a son and husband to to provide for now. Honestly I try to be a good person. Really. Not for a pat on the back but so I won't go to hell. So I will not allow her being unbalanced, hateful and just mean to continue to effect my life. I pray that GOD delivers her her ignorance that no man is more important than your own child. GOD loves me, my son loves me, my husband loves. Now that I truly understand that I did nothing wrong. I love myself. To the young that created this blog. Please do not let your mother destroy you. For my mother and the family memebers who indulge her hatred for me. . I'm going to what GOD's word says: " Let the blind lead the blind." Respect. Blessing. All.