I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years now. We have been in a long distance relationship for about 3 yrs and 10 months. So basically we've been in a long distance for a majority of our 4 yrs together because I am currently finishing up college in another country. We have known each other and been together as kids and didn't bother to get into a relationship until I was 17 because he knows I'm still young. He is 5 yrs older than me and the reason why we are in a long distance relationship now is because I am finishing up college in another country.

I visit him at least once a year although I would visit him more if I had more vacation time. My schedule is pretty booked because I am trying to finish my 4 year course asap so I can finally go back for good. However, since I'm in college its hard NOT to mingle with others. I have made lots of friends since I started going to college and became particularly close with another guy. He is also in a long distance relationship with a girl he has been with for 4 yrs and I have actually met with her several times.

This guy is what a consider a best friend because we tell each other everything. He knows I'm in a relationship and I talk about my boyfriend freely. I don't hide anything about the fact that I am not single. And the thing is, my best friend does the same thing. He tells me about his girlfriend and how much he loves her. We both talk about our problems in our relationship and talk about solutions since we both are going through the same thing.

We became bestfriends because of the fact we have so much in common and that we are both in the same situation. My boyfriend knows about my "bestfriend" and is hesitant about him but I always tell him we strictly see each other as friends only and reassured him we have not done anything like kissed, held hands or anything sexual because we really haven't done anything except hugged occasionally. We both know our boundaries. I will be graduating next year now and lately my best friend has been telling me about how he often dreams about me every night now. He said he's been having these weird feelings now that we both realized that this will be our last semester together.

From the 3 yrs of being in college together, he tells me how he never got to say how lovely I look or how beautiful I am and that his heart jumps every time I'm with him. I'm sure this could just be infatuation or something but now I'm feeling confused. I love my boyfriend and have made love with him every chance we get especially when I visit him. But since we're in a long distance relationship I am always finding myself in a lustful mood.

I have not slept with my "bestfriend" but it has crossed my mind and I do feel guilty about it but then I always wondered what if? I have never slept with anyone else in my life except for my boyfriend which is why it is making me curious. I try not to entertain the idea because I don't want to lose what I already have with my boyfriend and my best friend. But it has been getting harder to decide. Just last night my "bestfriend" texted me if I can be more than bestfriends with him since this will be our last semester together.

I'm sure its obvious where this is headed but I can't help but wonder. He quickly apologized after asking but just lately I have been feeling the same way. What should I do?

Decide whether you want to be in a committed relationship with your boyfriend. If you do, then tell your "bestfriend" it's a no go. You need to set him straight to the point of there will be no further contact if he can't respect your decision. Quite frankly, it never should have gone as far as it has. If the temptation is too great, then you end the friendship.

If you don't think you want to remain with your boyfriend, and you'd like to be more than just friends with "bestfriend", then do the decent thing and break it off with your boyfriend first. DO NOT be someone who cheats. How would you feel to find out your boyfriend, whom you thought was honest and trustworthy, lied to you and cheated on you?

If you do decide to be with this friend (although a truly good friend would not put you in such a position in the first place), then he must be honest with his girlfriend first.

Only if both of you become single and available should anything more be considered.

Consider too, do you really want to be with someone who you now know is a liar (I'm sure he has told his girlfriend that nothing is going on)

You both have found how challenging long distance relationships can be. It may be that both of you are at a point where they are no longer working for you.

Above all else, be honest with everyone involved... including yourself as you have to face yourself in the mirror each day with your decisions.

Thanks so much for your reply. You definitely made the picture clearer for me. I have already told myself that I want to be in a committed relationship with my boyfriend but I guess the loneliness got the best of me, which is probably why it has gone this far with my best friend.

I developed feelings for him because he was the one around when I was feeling lonely. Which I know is totally unfair and wrong. So would I be considered a cheater already?

I am going to tell my best friend it's a No-go... but I don't want to end my friendship with him. Is it wrong to stay friends? Or am I just being selfish?

It's fine to be friends, but just remain aware. You both have developed feelings for each other. Perhaps out of loneliness, perhaps the frequent contact, and someone close by to talk to and do things with.

I wouldn't consider you a cheater... but you weren't being totally honest either. You were lonely, he is a good friend, you could talk to him. It is not unusual that you would develop feelings for him. The key is to recognize that right away and then make the changes necessary to not let yourself be in a position for it to continue or grow... such as the physical contact (hugging), confiding too much and starting to rely on him, etc. Recognize an attraction, but make it clear that that is where it ends.

Talk it out and agree on some boundaries that you both can be comfortable with, and that you know your boyfriend and his girlfriend can be comfortable with as well. Perhaps agreeing to only get together with other friends as well, no physical contact, no flirting, etc.. Find a good girl friend to do your confiding in.

If you find it is just too difficult to get back to just being good friends, you are better off ending the friendship. It is sort of like playing with fire. You know it can burn you, but you are mesmerized by it and continue to get closer and take more risk. Sooner or later, you are likely to get burned.

Give it some careful thought. Certainly either way would be painful, but if it becomes necessary to end the friendship, better to do so sooner than later.

You will do well to keep your feelings to yourself and resist the urges to become a lying cheater.

We are human, and we have feelings. That's normal, as we cannot control what we feel, but we can damn well control what we do about them.

Fantasizes are great, and what ifs are intriguing, but do Not cross the lines of good behavior because of them.

Then there is no guilt, or shame for bad behavior.