My girlfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. 2 months before she met me she was having sex with a guy she has slept with on and off for years. She said that they used to have great sex together. Now that she is with me she says that she is no longer interested in him, and that she does not think about him. However, he does check on her from time to time to see how she is doing. I am very uncomfortable with him still being in contact with her, even though she says he has a girlfriend, and says that she does not think about him. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Should I believe her when she says that she does not think of him, even though they have had sex on and off for years?

You're just feeling insecure. Now I'm not one to keep in touch with my ex's, many of them were too immature to handle a committed relationship, let alone the AFTERMATH of a committed relationship. But my partner does keep in touch with his. What's the worst that can happen? Do you truly think she's in love with him still? If so, she wouldn't be with YOU.

To be honest, just make sure you aren't pestering your girlfriend about it, and your trust should grow over time, seeing that it's all innocent chat.

X Dani

It doesn't sound like they had a committed relationship. It sounds more like they were friends with benefits.

She seems to be emotionally invested in you. Her feelings for this other male seem to end at friendship even though they had fun times together. They could have had a relationship if they wanted one, but it doesn't appear that they did. They are friends so it is normal for him to check up on her. It doesn't mean he wants her to have sex with him. He has someone, too.

I don't think you are wrong for being concerned because this seems foreign to you. However, it has been ten months and she doesn't appear to have given you any reason to think she would be unfaithful to you with him or anyone else. It seems that it is your own perception of what you think they had that is causing you to be insecure. You seem to be putting in stronger emotions than there were/are between them. Some people do have sex just for the enjoyment/release and without the deep emotional bond of a couple in love.

She has strong feelings and a deep emotional bond with you and she wants you in her arms and bed. She doesn't want him. If she has to constantly reassure you of these facts, then you will end up pushing her away. If she isn't contacting him all the time or he isn't begging her to come see him, then let it go and accept that she is with you.

If you truly believe that she cares about you and that you care about her, let the insecurity go. Work together to build a future. If you can't let it go and trust in the bonds between you, then perhaps you might want to let her go and find someone whose friends you don't have issues with or is willing to walk away from anyone you deem to be a threat to the relationship. Everyone has things/people in their life that can be seen as a threat. It is up to you to determine whose 'baggage' you can live with.

Good luck.

This sounds similar to a situation I went through with my boyfriend. MY situation was this.. In the beginning of our relationship I was happy with him and I thought it would be a good idea to stop talking to my ex-lover for awhile. I was fine, he was just a friend.. with benefits.. I cared for him a lot and had known him for years, but I had other friends I could socialize with, rather than the guys I slept with and at one point had some feelings for. Even though he would say he appreciated me not talking to ex's, he was still jealous that my ex-lover and I had great sex for years (before I met him) and would bring it up a lot. Seemed like not talking to him didn't do anything good, so I started talking to him more and more. Went from "How are you doing?" to "Leave him, I love you." He left his girlfriend and I felt tempted because my boyfriend and I had problems, turned into a big mess. I told my boyfriend the same things because at the time, it was nothing. That is the worst of it, but on the other hand, I am not your girlfriend and I do not know her. You do. So talk to her and tell her you are uncomfortable and because she loves you, she will do whatever she can to ease your uneasiness. If you would feel better having them not talk for awhile, I think that is a reasonable request. She does have a right to be friends with whomever she wishes, but if she wants to make it work with you, not talking to an ex-lover for awhile should be well worth it. I like to believe what people say, so I would say in this situation to try to give her that trust. From what you have said, it seems innocent.. I wish you two the best of luck!