A year ago our 21 year old son left college abruptly, at the beginning of the semester, last year after breaking up with his girlfriend, and refuses to talk or see us. He has responded a few times (five or six) to text messages with 'thank you' to a Happy Birthday or Thanksgiving text message. But other than that, we haven't heard his voice or seen him for since September 2010!

What is really strange is that we didn't do anything that we can think of to cause this estrangement. We went on vacation together to St. Lucia in August and then he headed back to college. We discussed and helped with books and fees, all the normal things.

Our son is a wonder guy and he is normal. He faces all of the temptations that college students face, alcohol, drugs, etc. Of all the issues he had dealt with, the major one was college-social drinking... That was by far the toughest. But he managed to deal with it, have friends and get great grades (better than me, 3.5 gpa).

Parents never know all of the issues that their son faces.. That is for sure. But, to alienate his family by not speaking to his brother, all of his relatives, and parents is something completely foreign to us. We LOVE him and miss him so much!

Help me please!

Mom

If you have been able to text him, you have his phone number. With that, you should be able to find out where he lives. Maybe his girlfriend, or their mutual Facebook friends can provide an address for you as well.

Something major must have happened for this drastic and devastating change in his behaviour. At first I thought it may have been he didn't want to disappoint you when he dropped out of college, but more than a year has passed, so I would presume there is much more to this story.

I would investigate, and think about different ways that you could meet with him, and sit down and talk. Offer to come to a neutral place- maybe a coffee shop, at his convenience. Offer a third party to negotiate communication, maybe a friend that you know he still has, or a relative, minister, etc.

Maybe the first step may be arranging to agree to send a few email back and forth. Or letters, if you can get his address. Try to keep things emotionally, in check. The whole point will be to find out what's going on, and how to bring him back into the fold without judgment.

Be prepared for what you may find out. Your son may be gay, he may be involved with drugs or alcohol or both. He may have spent time in jail, or any number of other possibilities. I hate to sound negative, but can't imagine otherwise, why he would suddenly and completely cut all ties.

But, I would push this envelope. It is also possible that he needs his family. He may be either unwilling, or unable, to deal with his life alone right now.

It is, in my opinion, far better to find ways to figure out what is going on, rather than to hear six months down the road that it was too late.

Thank you so much for your meaningful response.

I am so pleased with your response that I'm going to give it serious thought and write you back tomorrow.

We do believe that there is something deep down inside that he is unable to share with us. I will think this over tonight.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart!