I was going to get married, my ex now, started to blame me for just about everything I did, found out later it was because he just wanted out. When he got what he wanted, I went into a mess, this was a year and a half ago. He to didn't want to let me go, but didn't want the commitment that we had, he wanted me and space, he got his space, and ended up meeting a woman down his drive way, told me it was only early days, still we both didn't want to let go of each other. He moved in with her, I found out that the pokies (slot machines) had a big reason to why all the blames, not being able to commitment and even being with her was the reason why he was not with me any more. He had rubbished me to her, if I left him alone he would sms me, if he left me alone I would sms him, but after getting her, it was all left in his hands. He had never wanted me to totally go, and one day I let her know that he was still seeing me, that went down really bad with him, he went off his head, I told him I thought I was doing him a favour, he told me himself, she hates to cook cannot do anything but computers, not the sort of woman you would spend your life with in the long run. The thing is he is only with her, as she is feeding his gambling addiction. Any how I wrote a letter to him telling him, I couldn't be with him, we can never be together unless he was willing to get help, and I would go with him. He again went off his head, and I told him to F**** off out of my life. 5 weeks later he made an excuse that he wanted to give c d s back that I had gave him, and the stuff that was in his garage needed to come back to me. I told him straight, I don't know why you do this, you can put the cds in the bin, and hard rubbish comes in a couple of weeks, but if you want to talk and bring the cds with you you can but you know you don't have to. When we meet he said he had f*** up badly, and yes he has rubbished me, and it will take some time before he can get out of it. First I had I knew it all the time. He is only there because he is in amess and I told him that to, he said we all make mistakes. But he cannot come back now because of what's happened. I told him if he wanted to come back he would. I told him you just cannot humble yourself to all the lies about me to her. He told me he didn't want any more nasty words going back and forth he never wanted that ever, that weather we got back together or not, that he will always care, and miss and think about me every day till he dies. I F***ed up and I cannot promise any thing. We left on good terms, he said he will call me soon, and to do some things together like the beach, have a coffee etc, no sex as I will not allow it, he would love that. But no. Any how should I in my next meeting just tell him, its her or me, you have to really let me go now, as its making me ill.Or should I have just a couple of nice meetings with no negativity, and not to talk about past,her me or him, just show we can have fun and nice times then tell him. Or do you think this will never work. I feel he still loves me as much as I do him, but he knows I will not support his addiction, that he will have to face it with me and he doesn't know if he can do it. He is with someone that wants his love even if she has to support his needs.

You should stop seeing him, break off all contract and move on.

If he has an addiction, be it gambling, alcohol, drugs, whatever, and doesn't get help you should leave him. It sucks and it's hard, but it's the safest thing, physically, financially, and emotionally. It's the very nature of addiction that addicts put the addiction before EVERYTHING. All the other drama is way too much by itself, his life is clearly unstable, and it may very well be because of the gambling.

BLONDBLUEEYES HERE
Thank you for your response, Corrigan, and Fr Chuck. Fr Chuck I love him,I know your right, and its me that's been trying to move on, when he sms I cannot help but reply. I try my hardest, and now manage not to be the one to be the first contact person, being that I was going to marrie him its hard, I was so used to be able to sms when ever I wanted, Im slowly holding back, as I feel that if he wants me he will want to change, I cannot change him, and also if he wants to be with me he will. Corrigan, I feel you understand me, he did put himself first, before even his children, never mind me, I have been with him for 4 and a half years, and like this for 1 and a half, I always made sure we had presents for our familys at xmas,and for the first time this year gone he couldn't afford them, not only that, but no socks, no underwear, and borrowed money from his sister to get his car fixed, no car, maybe no job. I hate to see him like this but I will not be his hand out, I will be his hand to pull him out off it, but that is all. I was going to be there, in rich or poor, sickness and in health, but not as a door mat. He knows this that's why he has another door mat.