We have been together for 7 months.. I have a key to his house, some of my personal things are there!
My boyfriend has 2 kids with his wife... They meet in Costa Rica, when he was working.. They had sex on the 3rd date and she got pregnant, move to the states and got marriage, they had another child.. They were together for 6 1/12 years and she cheated on my boyfriend with some guy she met in a plane on her way back for a trip (he was a married man) my boyfriend found all the emails and conversations that they had on the computer and camera.. She well do this... While my boyfriend was sleeping in the couch. When I meet him, they were already separated.
I myself also going through a divorce... It is almost over, my boyfriend and I have gone through a lot with my ex hi has not made things easy for us. Things are better now we have restraining order and he has left us alone.
Through all of this I felled in love with my boyfriend, he know that I love him, he use to tell me all the time that hi loves me too, but about 2 months ago he ask me for about some time apart.. He said that because my situation with my ex,acting crazy and not giving me any money and my having a notice to move out of my home , it was too much for him to deal with... It was only for a short time (7 days) after that thing got better in the relationship , but he made it clear that he was not ready form me to move in together or talk about marriage, but that that did not mean he will not want to do that later ! He also said that he is afraid of me leaving him , He though that his marriage will last for ever and look what happen... I told him that as much as I will like to live with Him is not the correct time; we when to fast we let the love take us farther that we should, there children involve (I have 3 of my own) and we need to more time to get to know each other more.
I do know his family I have seen them en 2 different occasion... I do see the children a lot in fact recently he ask me to watch them all they and his wife know about it ! She was OK with that ! My 9 year old plays with his kids a lot ! And I helping a lot at his house, laundry, cleaning , I like doing it! When my kids go with their dad I stay most of the time at my boyfriends house.
The problem that I'm having now is.. That one day I was with him at his house watching TV and he was texting with his ex, later on I had a weird filling and look at his phone( I have never than this before)I read the tex, nothing sexual , but conversation to friendly about his work day or her day some about the kids ( I don't have a problem with talk about the kids),and comment about the show we were watching I guess She was watching it too!
But he told her about us.. she said it mast be hard to break up with her aster all! I confronted him with all the tex... When before they were not talking like that... When did it started ? Why she said break up with me ? And also she ask him for a ride? He did not go to give her a ride! He said he was naked.
I felt hurt, lie to, and I told him that, he said that started about the time he ask me for space, she was being friendly and he when with it for the children and family that they are! I told him you are I family to your kids but not with her anymore , he those not see it that way !That he miss is having that and have someone to help him around.. I told him that I was doing that that he can have that with me or someone else , that he had told me that was no love within them any more and they had no intention on going back together, unless he was not telling me the truth... That is when he show me his computer with the emails with her ex and the man she cheated... So I ask him is that what you want in your life? He said he was sorry that hi has not cheat it on me that it was nothing just memories and he wants to be with me and that he loves me and loves being with me and he was going to stop texting her too much, that it was not right ! And that she mast know we are together that the kids probable told her.. And he also put pictures of us in his Facebook, she is on his Facebook, I'm too.
I told him that it may take some time for me to get over this and thrust him again, he is being more in to me after that he said he was going to try to trust that I will not leave him, but I said to him I have no intentions of leaving you unless you do things like this one! We have being spending more time together.. I can see he needs some time alone sometimes.. We don't have to see each other every day!
Well I don'n know why but I look at his phone again and saw that she texting him and was talking about her day... Did't not see more , I told him that I guess it has not stop... He said it has slow down, that he rather be friends with her that is better for the children and that she has no family around ,I said is one thing to be in good terms for the children that have a friendly relation ship with her! He also told me that she filed the divorce papers I don't know way this is bothering me so much... Maybe is because I'm unsecured about his filling for me , he said he loves me ,but not as much us before and also the he has a hard time with this... I ask him that your ex knows that we are in a serious relationship or your family ? His answer was they know we hung out a lot and spend time together and dating, I said you are my boyfriend plus we have already agree that we are in a relationship, he told his neighbor that I was his girlfriend! He said maybe I don't know what that means or have a different opinion on that.. He said serious relationship meaning living together, engaged , marriage.In my opinion what we have is more than dating or hung in out... He gave me the key of his house I spend time with his kids we cook together he call our room , we by food for his house together he says our to all the time to the things we bay to eat he said to me fix the kitchen the way you want it !I cook at his house , he dose too... We are together 90 present of the time... For me that is a serious relationship or can I be wrong ? Or he is wrong ? I'm so confuse or maybe not... Maybe he es the confuse one.. Maybe he thinks he loves me because I'm so good to him... He's told me that! He has also said that hi fells guilty that he can't give me more of a commitment for the future... He said the he just know that he wants to be with me and no one ells and he is not going back with his ex wife, that he dose not think of being with another woman; I have ask him if we should go out and date other people... He said if I want that he can't stop me , but he dose not want to do that and that he dose not want me doing that !
Sorry it took so much time to talk about my situation , I just want it to tell all!
Help help... I have being going trough a difficult divorce and I don't want more pain I don't want to get hurt! I have given my boyfriend so much already.. also unconditional love , I don't want to get dipper if there is no future with him , when I ask him what that hi want for his future or where that he see himself in the future... He dose not have a real answer.. He just says Hi dose not think that why !

It sounds as though you want more of a commitment from him than he is ready for right now. You practically live with him, cooking, cleaning, shopping, watching his kids, etc. he has it made the way things are. No wonder he is afraid of losing you!

No doubt he does love you, but you both went from one serious relationship to another before either was completely finished. Sometimes people need more time to get over one relationship before they can fully give to another. This may be the case for him. He likes what he has with you, after all you do so much for him.

It might be time to consider backing up a bit. He has told you several times he isn't ready for what you are looking for. If you push for it, or think you can help him make up his mind faster by giving so much to the relationship, you will likely end up getting hurt when, or if, things end up not going how you would like them to.

Go back to more just dating, stay at your own place, spend more time with your friends and family, and give the relationship with him more space to see where it goes.

Let his divorce become finalized before you consider anything more serious so that he has time on his own to think about what he wants to do.

If I understand it, he was still living with his ex when he meet you, and you still have a now ex that was a issue.

Of course he wants time to go by and not just think he jumped into a relationship to fast ( which you both did of course instead of taking time to be alone and get used to things first)

In the title it asked about being friends with his ex. He and his ex will have some relationship forever, and esp while the kids are small. It is better to be a good one, than a bad one. I am very good friends with my ex, we still talk every week or two, and she is a Facebook friend. ( Hi Beth)

The issue here is, you are jumping into this more than he is, you are doing all the giving and he is being honest he is not ready yet. What about backing down, slowing down and let a relationship grow better

Thank you for your answer, Like I said... I do want some day to move in with some one or to get married with the right person... I hope is with him, but I also know that is not the right time.. I do think that my divorce needs to be over and also his.. I'm fine with that... I just need to know that he really loves me.. or assure me that he dose or that he is going that way.. I know that 7 months is not to long , but it happen we felt this right away.. we are good together we like to do the some things is almost like if it is perfect. And if hi needs time I"m welling to wait some time if I see that he dose care about me enough!!! There are time were I have try to be some distance, like when hi was moving, he wanted me to go look for houses and give my opinion if I like it.... Or go shopping with him for stuff for the new house I have try to be some indifferent to what hi was looking for ... and he did not like it.
I'm thinking now that maybe if I just stop doing so much for him be like if I just don't feel like doing much for him or if I should"t be in to the relationship too much.. maybe he can see what he can loose.
What is your opinion on him being friends with his ex.. They were not like that before?? That is one if the reasons I'm felling so unsure about his feeling for me... I understand way he dose not whan't his family of us being in a relationship, they probable don't want him to jump in something so fast.. look what happen with his marriage... but what about the wife?? Way just say that we hung out or date!

If it brings you pleasure to do so much for him, that is fine, but just be careful you are not doing these things hoping to get him to want to be with you.

If you feel you aren't getting what you want from the relationship, then it is time to back up a bit.

He may be more friendly to his ex now simply because they are no longer married. Some people are better off as friends instead of partners. There is the chance that they are not over each other. You need to respect that. They had a life together as a family. This is why it may be best to get back to more casual dating (easier said than done now that you have such strong feelings), and see how things go between him and his ex. If you are questioning him about it frequently, it may only serve to make him even more unsure of what he wants.

Will they get back together? I think that is part of your concern. It may happen, it may not. See what happens with the separation and divorce proceedings.

Does he still have feelings for her? Of course he does... she is the mother of his children and they appear to be on good terms with each other. This can feel threatening to you since he is not sure of what he wants right now. Again, all the more reason to slow down. No sense in causing yourself more frustration and worry.

He may be "the one" or he may be someone you enjoyed spending time with as you move on with your life to a more lasting relationship. Either way, you can't make it happen. You will have to wait and see. Focus on your own healing from the break-up of your own marriage. Enjoy spending time with your family and friends.

I wish you well as you move forward.

Unlike you, and your ex, he and his ex get along. But you both have issues only time can cure, so take time and enjoy getting to know each other better and get the idea of forever love out of your head. What's your hurry? If you take time and do this right you both may avoid yet another divorce, and after only 7 months, you are way to carried away, and he is way to needy for company.

Slow down, relax, and enjoy the now of each other, and if it leads to more, great. If it doesn't, you had fun, and have to move on.

Slow down and stop putting all that extra pressure on yourself, and him.

To much, to fast, crash and burn.

And that sucks.

Thank you All... I have being thinking, it will be hard but I'm going to take my time and think of me too and what is best for me, My divorce will be over really soon... His a have no idea I haven't ask him about that< his told me his not going back with her.. He said there is no love. I can't make this happen , it is what it is... And if when I'm ready for more.. and if he is not... I will have to think of me and leave Him . He is told me hi dose not want to lose me! Only time will tale.