Simplyput
Oct 11, 2011, 01:28 PM
I am a 24 year old female (married). For the last few years, things have been happening to me?real kicks. First finding out I have a liver disease which they can't diagnose. Then trying for a baby and finding out I have PCOS with insulin resistance.
I was optimistic through all of this, as it is my nature to be.
Then this year I found out I need a liver transplant. I was very sick, hospitalized, thin, jaundiced, etc.
Throughout this, my friends have been getting married (friends who told me I was stupid to get married, too young, making a mistake etc [because they loved me]). I have been trying to conceive almost 2 years, and now I find out about the liver transplant thing and find out that having a baby might be impossible. And even if it isn't, it won't be possible for 5 or more years (and even then may still be impossible).
Friends keep telling me they are now pregnant. Yesterday my best friend (who got married in March and told me she didn't want kids yet or maybe not ever) told me she is 8 weeks pregnant.
I am so happy for her, and so heartbroken for myself. Lately it has felt like the whole world exists just to kick my some more. I can't even sit still without scratching (I suffer extremely severe pruritus [itching] as part of my symptoms), I scar myself from waking up at night cutting into my flesh with my nails to get at an itch that will never go away. Money is tight and so that puts a strain on my husband and me. I'm so tired (another symptom) that I can't do much around the house and sometimes my husband sometimes complains it's all on him.
And he's right, it is.
I have been so positive through this, even when I thought I could die. I try to be strong for my family, but I am just a young girl and have been living with this since I was 19. Why does life have to knock me down in every way? How can I keep smiling, keep being strong, when I am shredded inside every day?
Is life just about survival? Surviving the next kick?
I was optimistic through all of this, as it is my nature to be.
Then this year I found out I need a liver transplant. I was very sick, hospitalized, thin, jaundiced, etc.
Throughout this, my friends have been getting married (friends who told me I was stupid to get married, too young, making a mistake etc [because they loved me]). I have been trying to conceive almost 2 years, and now I find out about the liver transplant thing and find out that having a baby might be impossible. And even if it isn't, it won't be possible for 5 or more years (and even then may still be impossible).
Friends keep telling me they are now pregnant. Yesterday my best friend (who got married in March and told me she didn't want kids yet or maybe not ever) told me she is 8 weeks pregnant.
I am so happy for her, and so heartbroken for myself. Lately it has felt like the whole world exists just to kick my some more. I can't even sit still without scratching (I suffer extremely severe pruritus [itching] as part of my symptoms), I scar myself from waking up at night cutting into my flesh with my nails to get at an itch that will never go away. Money is tight and so that puts a strain on my husband and me. I'm so tired (another symptom) that I can't do much around the house and sometimes my husband sometimes complains it's all on him.
And he's right, it is.
I have been so positive through this, even when I thought I could die. I try to be strong for my family, but I am just a young girl and have been living with this since I was 19. Why does life have to knock me down in every way? How can I keep smiling, keep being strong, when I am shredded inside every day?
Is life just about survival? Surviving the next kick?