I am a 24 year old female (married). For the last few years, things have been happening to me?real kicks. First finding out I have a liver disease which they can't diagnose. Then trying for a baby and finding out I have PCOS with insulin resistance.

I was optimistic through all of this, as it is my nature to be.

Then this year I found out I need a liver transplant. I was very sick, hospitalized, thin, jaundiced, etc.

Throughout this, my friends have been getting married (friends who told me I was stupid to get married, too young, making a mistake etc [because they loved me]). I have been trying to conceive almost 2 years, and now I find out about the liver transplant thing and find out that having a baby might be impossible. And even if it isn't, it won't be possible for 5 or more years (and even then may still be impossible).

Friends keep telling me they are now pregnant. Yesterday my best friend (who got married in March and told me she didn't want kids yet or maybe not ever) told me she is 8 weeks pregnant.

I am so happy for her, and so heartbroken for myself. Lately it has felt like the whole world exists just to kick my some more. I can't even sit still without scratching (I suffer extremely severe pruritus [itching] as part of my symptoms), I scar myself from waking up at night cutting into my flesh with my nails to get at an itch that will never go away. Money is tight and so that puts a strain on my husband and me. I'm so tired (another symptom) that I can't do much around the house and sometimes my husband sometimes complains it's all on him.

And he's right, it is.

I have been so positive through this, even when I thought I could die. I try to be strong for my family, but I am just a young girl and have been living with this since I was 19. Why does life have to knock me down in every way? How can I keep smiling, keep being strong, when I am shredded inside every day?

Is life just about survival? Surviving the next kick?

What life is about is being able to display your inner strengths so others may gain from your experience. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Having gone through what you have and facing even more is a challenge for anyone. Being tired doesn't help. It adds to the frustration. But here is a clue in your own words.

And even if it isn't, it won't be possible for 5 or more years


If you know it or not your already looking to the future. And for now to make it through that is where your going to have to focus. One day at a time until the crisis is over. Im not going to compare wounds. But I can tell you that you are young and time will bring you back around. Sometimes the only time we can see a gift is by having it taken from us. Let the flame of life burn bright in your heart and focus on the future. Imagine yourself healthy and back to where your normal is. Its going to happen so long as you keep fighting.

Stay strong for yourself and your husband. Your not broken. You just need healing. You need good vibs and to remain positive to get through these times. Keep the faith. Let your flame outshine the darkness and see your guiding path ahead.

Thank you so much, Califdadof3 :) You are right. Sometimes it helps when someone reminds you of that.

Thank you a thousand times.

Hi Simplyput, I closely read your question and realize that I should add some words in it. Sometimes what happens is problems are not as much big as we think. First of all about your getting early married thing, see in this world there are so many guys and girls who get married soon so you are also one of them. Evey one who is our friend, buddies will keep on commenting us on actions and things we do, it's a human nature. The thing is if one is happy and satisfied with his/her decision then every thing else doesn't matter. Trust yourself and your decisions, you know somehow I was not able to complete my graduation and my friends keep on commenting me about that as they all are graduate now, but I proved myself and now I am doing a better job then them and most interesting part is even after being graduate they were not able to clear the interview of my company but I this and even I awarded as best employee of the year.

About your liver disease I felt bad but being healthy and unhealthy is a part of life sometimes we are and sometimes awe are not. Somehow my life is also related to your as I also got a stone problem and was sick for a long time, I was sad, depressed and unhappy. At that time I thought my life is destroyed but when I came over to it I feel happy now. Yes at the time of crises one need to be a little strong than normal times. Always remember that you will also come over from your liver disease and live a happy life again. And soon you will have a baby. What it takes a trust on God and a Ray of Hope and I know you have that that. So be positive about your life and every thing is going to all right.

Take good care of yourself and MAKE IT HAPPEN