n2life83
Oct 11, 2011, 01:27 PM
This thread was merged, with another one by this posterand edited/T
Jealousy, threesomes, poor communication, what's next?
He is 35 years old and came out of a 12 year relationship about 9 months ago. I am 27 years old and we started dating about 2 months ago. From the get-go he said he wants a girlfriend type. The type of girl he can be with for long term and even live with... To love and be loved in return. He said he wanted a girl that can be with him everyday and exchange sweet texts throughout the day. He said he could see that with me so he explicitly said he would like to pursue something long term with me. This seemed to work great for me since I was looking for the same in a guy. We hung out almost every day and communicated every day.
Things were going great until about 3 weeks ago, I felt he started getting distant. I would try to engage him in conversation via sweet texting and he wouldn't really respond. I figured he was turning his phone off since he wanted to rest (he is a very hard worker and sleeps little). So I stopped texting him as much... Which resulted in me visiting him less often.
Then about 2 weeks ago, he texted me out of no where while we were at work and he asked if I had ever been with a girl. I replied "I think women are beautiful, but no... I've never done more than kiss a couple of girls" he responded with several happy faces. I didn't continue the conversation much.
About a week ago, I went to visit him and text him "I'm here" at 9:50pm. We just laid in bed since he was falling asleep (from a long day) and didn't cuddle much with him because I was feeling upset that all attention is coming from my end lately. So bored and not sleepy, I tinkered with my phone a bit until I decided to go home and finish my laundry. I left his bed at 10:30pm, gave a quick kiss, and told him I'm going home. On my drive home he texts me "You're here where?". Then he follows with "Hmmm, strange how you mess with your phone while you're laying next to me, then you leave all of a sudden, and then 10 minutes later you text 'I'm here'... DOESN'T YOUR FRIEND JOHN SMITH LIVE NEXT TO ME?" So once I'm home I respond "I'm at home doing laundry. You must've gotten my 'I'm here' text delayed. John smith doesn't live next to you... And don't think I'm cheating on you because I'm not" I follow up with "I want you and you only... To love and be loved in return"... He doesn't respond.
Throughout the week I leave him be. I don't send sweet messages twice that week asked to meet him... It ends up being at night to cuddle. I continue with my life as normal. Then last Saturday, I don't message him at all. That night he starts engaging me in sexual texting which I respond to. Then he asks what I'm doing, I tell him I'm with my friend Amber. This excites him and he starts pressuring me to get Amber to go home with me and him. I laugh it off and go along with the joke. Then realize he's already making plans to meet us... So obviously he's not joking. When I finally meet him that night after long exchange of texts. I confront him and ask "Why do you think I would be OK sharing you with anyone?"... He responds with "I just wanted to watch a movie with you two girls" he basically repeats that, not wanting to say much. Until I just ask him "What's going on? Do you not want to be serious with me? Because I want to be serious with you... Just talk to me, what's going on?" then he finally speaks and say's "I know you've been talking to John Smith and Joe". I immediately admit to the guilt and explain I haven't seen them since he and I got together (which is true) and will do whatever it takes to make things good with us... To delete guys/clean up my phone/ facebook/ etc. I basically become apologetic.
Last night he asked again about the 3-way. I never directly said no... Instead I just inquired about the circumstances and conditions. In fact, I wouldn't be completely opposed to a 3-way (as long as at least one guy is involved) but I'm concerned with the consequences (Jealousy, Safety, reputation, physical, mental, and emotional health) for everyone involved. After some great sex, he starts falling asleep and I ask him "So you want permission to sleep with other girls then?" he doesn't respond. I say "If you want that, wouldn't you be better off single?" he says "I don't want that". And falls asleep.
I realize yes, many guys fantasize about 3-somes with 2 girls so I don't blame him for being curious... Especially since I never said no. I've decided however that the risk is not worth the brief reward... So my answer now to him is NO. Problem is, now I'm questioning my whole relationship with him. Here are my questions:
1) Are 3-somes truly a fantasy for most guys? Are most guys truly so dense to not wonder of how it will affect the relationship? I'd rather not read too much into this if it turns out he's just curious.
2) Am I being too apologetic with him? (I'm not normally this patient with guys I date... But I developed many feelings in the beginning). After all, I apologized for not telling him about John Smith or Joe but when I asked why he looked through my phone he denied he even did. But I KNOW he did, because I never even mentioned John or Joe.
3) How can I better our communication? I've accepted he's not as expressive as me. I notice he tends to either deny there's a problem, make little of the problem, make it MY problem, or not respond altogether. I can see how that's a part of his 'chill' and 'drama-free' persona he claims to have but com'on now.
4) On Sat he said "I have many friends in the area, and I know John Smith lives around here. Don't cheat on me because I will know. I'm not dumb. I'll find out... I have my ways". His statement is somewhat aggressive... Is it worth addressing? If so, how?
5)
Jealousy, threesomes, poor communication, what's next?
He is 35 years old and came out of a 12 year relationship about 9 months ago. I am 27 years old and we started dating about 2 months ago. From the get-go he said he wants a girlfriend type. The type of girl he can be with for long term and even live with... To love and be loved in return. He said he wanted a girl that can be with him everyday and exchange sweet texts throughout the day. He said he could see that with me so he explicitly said he would like to pursue something long term with me. This seemed to work great for me since I was looking for the same in a guy. We hung out almost every day and communicated every day.
Things were going great until about 3 weeks ago, I felt he started getting distant. I would try to engage him in conversation via sweet texting and he wouldn't really respond. I figured he was turning his phone off since he wanted to rest (he is a very hard worker and sleeps little). So I stopped texting him as much... Which resulted in me visiting him less often.
Then about 2 weeks ago, he texted me out of no where while we were at work and he asked if I had ever been with a girl. I replied "I think women are beautiful, but no... I've never done more than kiss a couple of girls" he responded with several happy faces. I didn't continue the conversation much.
About a week ago, I went to visit him and text him "I'm here" at 9:50pm. We just laid in bed since he was falling asleep (from a long day) and didn't cuddle much with him because I was feeling upset that all attention is coming from my end lately. So bored and not sleepy, I tinkered with my phone a bit until I decided to go home and finish my laundry. I left his bed at 10:30pm, gave a quick kiss, and told him I'm going home. On my drive home he texts me "You're here where?". Then he follows with "Hmmm, strange how you mess with your phone while you're laying next to me, then you leave all of a sudden, and then 10 minutes later you text 'I'm here'... DOESN'T YOUR FRIEND JOHN SMITH LIVE NEXT TO ME?" So once I'm home I respond "I'm at home doing laundry. You must've gotten my 'I'm here' text delayed. John smith doesn't live next to you... And don't think I'm cheating on you because I'm not" I follow up with "I want you and you only... To love and be loved in return"... He doesn't respond.
Throughout the week I leave him be. I don't send sweet messages twice that week asked to meet him... It ends up being at night to cuddle. I continue with my life as normal. Then last Saturday, I don't message him at all. That night he starts engaging me in sexual texting which I respond to. Then he asks what I'm doing, I tell him I'm with my friend Amber. This excites him and he starts pressuring me to get Amber to go home with me and him. I laugh it off and go along with the joke. Then realize he's already making plans to meet us... So obviously he's not joking. When I finally meet him that night after long exchange of texts. I confront him and ask "Why do you think I would be OK sharing you with anyone?"... He responds with "I just wanted to watch a movie with you two girls" he basically repeats that, not wanting to say much. Until I just ask him "What's going on? Do you not want to be serious with me? Because I want to be serious with you... Just talk to me, what's going on?" then he finally speaks and say's "I know you've been talking to John Smith and Joe". I immediately admit to the guilt and explain I haven't seen them since he and I got together (which is true) and will do whatever it takes to make things good with us... To delete guys/clean up my phone/ facebook/ etc. I basically become apologetic.
Last night he asked again about the 3-way. I never directly said no... Instead I just inquired about the circumstances and conditions. In fact, I wouldn't be completely opposed to a 3-way (as long as at least one guy is involved) but I'm concerned with the consequences (Jealousy, Safety, reputation, physical, mental, and emotional health) for everyone involved. After some great sex, he starts falling asleep and I ask him "So you want permission to sleep with other girls then?" he doesn't respond. I say "If you want that, wouldn't you be better off single?" he says "I don't want that". And falls asleep.
I realize yes, many guys fantasize about 3-somes with 2 girls so I don't blame him for being curious... Especially since I never said no. I've decided however that the risk is not worth the brief reward... So my answer now to him is NO. Problem is, now I'm questioning my whole relationship with him. Here are my questions:
1) Are 3-somes truly a fantasy for most guys? Are most guys truly so dense to not wonder of how it will affect the relationship? I'd rather not read too much into this if it turns out he's just curious.
2) Am I being too apologetic with him? (I'm not normally this patient with guys I date... But I developed many feelings in the beginning). After all, I apologized for not telling him about John Smith or Joe but when I asked why he looked through my phone he denied he even did. But I KNOW he did, because I never even mentioned John or Joe.
3) How can I better our communication? I've accepted he's not as expressive as me. I notice he tends to either deny there's a problem, make little of the problem, make it MY problem, or not respond altogether. I can see how that's a part of his 'chill' and 'drama-free' persona he claims to have but com'on now.
4) On Sat he said "I have many friends in the area, and I know John Smith lives around here. Don't cheat on me because I will know. I'm not dumb. I'll find out... I have my ways". His statement is somewhat aggressive... Is it worth addressing? If so, how?
5)