I really need help Dx I'm in a long distance relationship with this girl that I have fallen DEEPLY in love with, we've been together for about 11 months now and struggling to stay together because I'm far away from her. And I am trying my all to get my *** over to where she is so we can be together, but it's hard to do so when I lack the money needed to even travel.

And she can't come to see me cause she has the same problem as I do(no money) and also she's afraid of flying.

But lately we've been doing good, staying strong and making our long distance work. And I started to believe that it was all going to work out and that if we kept on staying positive we would eventually see each other.

BUT... Her ex-boyfriend has been after her, calling her and sending her texts. I found out about it during the start of May, that he's been trying to talk to her and beg her to let him see her to talk things out about "trying again"

They were together for FIVE years, and she broke up with him because he didn't really show any emotions to her and did not show his love towards her(FOR FIVE ****ING YEARS) She apparently got tired of it, and started to feel not loved and left him. Half a year later or so, she met me online, we started as friends and well... we grew closer and closer together. Fell in love with each other. This girl has changed my life completely for the better, made me into a better person and opened up to her fully.

We've had our bumps in the road cause the distance is killing us, but we've managed to stay together.

I honestly thought the distance would break us apart...

But I'm starting to think that this distance is FAR from breaking us apart.

It's her ex that's been complicating things for us, mostly complicating things for her!

He's been after her for months now, and I've learned to put up with it. And not let it get to me and try to not have one of those jealousy attacks.

But then a few weeks ago I find out that he asked her to let him see her in December(apparently that's the only time he is able to see her) He must have given her a hell of a 'take me back' speech if she was having a hard time coming up with an answer on weather or not letting him visit her.(and he's doing all of this KNOWING about me and her)

And that just... KILLS ME.

Why is she having problems with telling the guy no?

She keeps telling me that she doesn't want to hurt him and that she cares about him. That it makes her feel like **** knowing that he's unhappy, so she basically doesn't want to sound mean and tell the guy to **** off and move on with his life already!

I've asked her straight up if she still had feelings for him. She told me that she really doesn't know...

How should I react to that?

I don't know if I should be pissed off or extremely sad.

I've been SO sad that horrible thoughts have been digging into my mind day and night.

I love her, I really really do. And there are so many things that she has to put up with, the long distance was ****ing bad enough for her already(for the both of us). Why does this guy have to make things even more ****ty for her?

She also told me that she can't say no to him about seeing her because I'm not there with her D: How the hell is that a logical reason for the guy to think he has a chance of talking to her to try again with him? And it's a very ****ing slim chance if you ask me.

Not saying she IS letting him see her, she just doesn't know what to do with the guy. She keeps saying that all of this would be solved is if I was there with her to see if this online connection we have is real or not. To see if our love would go beyond messages and through the lens of a webcam.

I ****ing know that we have a very solid ****ing relationship, I made her more happy than what her ex has ever did! I gave her love when he couldn't.

And now after finding out that she's with me he's suddenly an emotional wreck and is crying to her to give him a chance?

I don't hate the guy, hell, I don't know him to even feel like I should hate him. He hates me more I'm sure of that...

I feel sympathy for the guy, if he really does love my girl then he can't be all that bad... I can't say I wouldn't be doing the same if I was in his shoes.

But god damn it, I know when I lost, I know when to ****ing stop and move the **** on!

I'm not about to give up on my relationship with her that we've worked so hard to maintain , just cause this dude is making my girlfriend all confused

She loves me, I love her. I'm sure as hell that she got herself involved with me cause she was fully over her ex and knows in her heart that she loves me.

So... WHY? Why is it so hard to say no to him?

What should I do? I don't know if I can handle it when this guy makes his way to see her in December. I'm sure as hell she's going to end up saying yes to him, just to give the guy some slack. She can't keep avoiding him sadly, she has to give him an answer and it won't be a no.

I feel like I should beat him to it y'know?

Get to her first before he does.

But it's hard to get out of this place Dx I'm stuck in this ****ing island grinding my teeth and give my girl support.

I don't know what else to do other than to FORCE myself to put up with this guy till I finally move away to go see my girlfriend and maybe tell him MYSELF to go away, that I'll take good care of her and love her way more than he could have ever ****ing have.

That's all I know what to do.

I know this distance is hurting my girl a lot, it hurts me too

Please give me some advise and opinion :(

And give me any other ideas on what I should do

How did you meet? Have you ever met her in person?

I will be honest that there isn't anything you can do if she isn't taking care of her own business (or maybe she is.) At best she is not fully over him and has some hopes that if things don't work out in one relationship then she still has the other one. At worst, she is using him to manipulate you or you to manipulate him.

Normally, I have no issues with people remaining (or becoming) friends with their exes, however, in this case, her ex isn't wanting to be a friend. I think you need to back up and tell her that you can't be a part of a triangle. She needs to decide who she wants. Either it's you and she tells him to move on or it's him and you disappear from her life.

I know you have feelings for her, but I don't think her feelings are the same as yours. I am also not certain you are getting the full truth of what she has been telling him. I can see what you want to believe. However, are you sure you aren't allowing your own feelings to keep you from seeing or paying attention to some major warning signs?

How do you know that her ex is meddling? Has she spoken to you about it?

Long distance relationships are very hard. You have to find ways of involving them in your daily life without them being there. You can't even give them a kiss before they go to work. The best you can do is surprise them with a bunch of flowers delivered or a promise that you'll take them on holiday soon, so it's very difficult.

I can only imagine that she's feeling very confused. She's in love with you, but someone she was with for such a long time is there, apparently changed.

It's hard enough it being a long distance relationship without all this too. You need to have a chat with her (Assuming you can at least CALL), ask what she honestly wants, and decide your own future. Even before you speak with her, you can make your own mental plans; decide what you're going to do if she doesn't want to continue etc.

X Dani