My girlfriend I are together for almost 4 years and all of a sudden she said that she needs time to think about "US". I'm Indian (I speak English) and she is Spanish (she speaks English). I ask her why she needs time. Her reply was "she loves to talk and when she's with my family she cannot talk and understand them too much and when I'm with her family I don't understand them). She ask for time twice before and we got back together but now I have a bad feeling. She also said that she doesn't feel like before. I going nuts.

You went 4 years together and never bothered to learn each others home language? You both have allowed this to become an issue, and deal breaker, and if you have never discussed it, no wonder there is a frustration, and resentment.

Is she willing to get a solution?

I think so

She can speak my language very well. I have to take classes but my new job is too much time consuming. So I'm learning by free online sites.

She also said that she tried and can't take it anymore.

That is my worst fear I don't know what to do.

when she's with my family she cannot talk and understand them too much and when I'm with her family I don't understand them). She ask for time twice before and we got back together but now I have a bad feeling. She also said that she doesn't feel like before.

Maybe the language is an obstacle, but I think she just wants to break up. Sounds like she has tried that before, so for now wait and see, but give some thought to facing the fact that she may not be back this time, and as distressing as that may be, it might be for the best.

Doubt you can force her to have those love feelings if she doesn't want to. Is this your first relationship?

No. The first one last for 2.5 years. She was going around with my best friend so that was over. After that I wasn't looking for anyone. Two years I stayed alone because I didn't want to get hurt. Then SHE came along, both of us wasn't looking for anything but it happened. Everything fell into place with little effort and now here we are

Then you should already know if she doesn't want to stay with you, you have little choice but to let her leave. You thrived and survived before, you will do so again. Its really up to her, isn't it?

Yeah it sucks to face it, and go through it yet again, but you have to let her make up her mind without your influence.

Time is on your side if you do not become desperate, or impulsive.

Yes, it's up to her. I don't want to lose her, she has everything a man can ask for in a life partner; forget about physical appearance, but look at everything else. When you can be yourself around a person, close your eyes and see the future with that person, and let loose of the world when you kiss that person you have to fight for them you can't let go without a fight.

Good luck with your fight then.

Thank You, I need it

Do you think I'm crazy? Would you do the same?

No, I would not fight, if that's what you mean, but when honest communications doesn't produce results, then I think you let a reluctant partner do what she wants, and make up her own mind, without my influence. Its very important to me to have a partner who is with me through her own free will, and who can communicate, to resolve our issues to the benefit of us both, and work together to build a life that we both can thrive, and survive and enjoy the journey.

Sometimes fighting for love is not the answer, backing up and paying attention is, listening is. Giving time for emotional dust to settle is an act of patience, and faith, on your part. When a partner becomes unwilling, I do my thing, and let her do hers, and see what happens. Either she misses you and wants to follow you, or she doesn't, her choice. Either way, you keep your dignity, and self respect, and keep following your path, whether she decides to join you, or not.

A partner you have to convince, will always be looking for a way out when things get tough. She has NO faith, and no love. You cannot build a life on those terms, and be happy can you? You cannot wrap your life around one whose solution to her problem is to get rid of you, can you?

You have broken up twice already, and though you have gotten back together, you have been dumped yet again, so to keep fighting, even if she does come back, its temporary until the next time she is frustrated, and unhappy.

So give yourself some time to see what you are fighting for, before you fight for HER love. Seems to me it's a better love that's freely given, and appreciated. That's what I want, and finally have, and enjoyed it for a long time.

It was freely given, WE are ever grateful, and we fight, together. Why do you fight for her love? If she wanted you to have it she would GIVE it to you right?

You are so true. I shall let it be. I did all I can now its time for me to let go and let nature take over.

Thank you for being here for me, clearing things up and showing me the way.

Thank you very much