I am a newlywed of only a year but, have been with my husband for nearly 7 years. We have a 5 year old son together. Ever since we got married its like the relationship is ruined! We do not agree on parenting. He is becoming more and more controlling and a bully. Not just to me, I feel to our child as well. He is constantly making digs at my parenting, it seems like every time I open my mouth! We have had many problems in the years we have been together. He has left me for another woman, even lived with her in the same apartment complex from me. She ended up pregnant, then lost the baby and moved her ex boyfriend back in. I took him back.. I really do not know why.

I think out of fear of loneliness. The jealousy has become seemingly out of control since we have been married. I am on Facebook, a married male friend from high school left a comment on my page stating he was doing some work in the town I live in and we should meet at a local bar. It was only a joke seeing as I moved very far away from my high school town and have not spoken to this person in decades! He had to question me as to what he meant by that, not remembering I had commented on how ironic it was the guy left the comment and worked in this town on occasion. He says that conversation never happened and wouldn't I rather he confronted me about it that fester on it until he was a big ball of angry jealousy. That is fine, but how long am I supposed to put up with petty jealousy and not have friends or do anything or go anywhere because he might get jealous. I find I don't do anything because I don't have to deal with his attitude.

I am depressed and thinking of leaving.. I don't want to give up too quickly either. I do love my husband. I am finding his behavior a complete turn off. I am the only one working and my house seems messier now than when he was working. I am very frustrated! This is not the way I pictured our married life! I have been shut out emotionally by him, and feel like I can't and don't want to talk to him. I fear I am wasting my life on an unhappy situation. I have no family or friends to go to, so if I leave its all on me. I don't know how to leave.

I have unresolved feelings for an old flame, we do not talk anymore because my husband snoops on my computer and phone. He found a message to a mutual friend and I had asked if this person ever wonders what could have been. Josh flipped out, I can't be mad at him for his reaction but, I immediately stopped communication with both people... But it nags me every day.

His father was an extreme alcoholic and very aggressive person when drunk. I can't stand my husband when he drinks, I see a lot of similarities. If I say anything, he gets super pissed since his dad died right before our wedding and they were not on speaking terms. I feel like I am the door mat and punching bag for all of Josh's anger and regrets.

We tried therapy one time and it was like tell the doctor everything I have ever done wrong and felt it was a slam session against me just for him to vent. I suggested a different therapist, someone we both could agree on seeing but, he liked her... She was on his side! I guess the fact that I was the one paying the $40 per session I should have some say in whether I thought this person was going to be effective. I have always felt he uses me for convenience.. I have always had a little money or the car or the place to live. Yet, he is constantly down my throat about how everything is his and he is the only one who has earned anything. If you only knew how untrue this is!

He is very immature and it feels as though I am always waiting for him to grow up. I am 6 years older than he is so I am fully aware there will always be a generation gap there but, come on now! I worked harder than ever to get my drivers license back and pay my car payments and insurance.. He doesn't even have a license or GED! I feel like he drags me down.. I had a checking account for 8 years before he came along and stole money out of my account, lied about it, and let me write checks knowing they wouldn't cash! Did I mention he is a habitual liar.. Lies just to lie... Can't stop.. Needs help and won't get any, just lives in denial. He has screwed my credit royally! I will probably be in my 40's before it will ever be fixed.

I am afraid of him! I am afraid of him dragging me and our son through court just to spite me. I need some serious advice.. I can only touch on some of our problems! Please, any advice given I will appreciate

Each party has to work at a marriage and is always a work in progress. It seems you knew a lot about your husband's personality before you married him so I guess you knew what you were getting into. A good indicatoin is the theft of money from your account, as you say you had before he came along.

If you have that many problems with this man, then they are still ongoing my advice to you is either communicate your concerns to him and if that doesn't work then get out while the getting out is still available to you.

Tick

Stop being afraid and get rid of this dead weight.

I cannot see this any other way than to ask you, why would you subject your son to the consequences of a life, that is full of anger, fighting, infidelity, control, and abuse. What do you think he is learning.

What would be the best decision to make for the sake of this child. Your husband has been in and out of jail, he cheats, he lies, he steals, he is abusive. And you are wondering what to do?

My advice to you is to first of all, recognize that this is not love. What he shows to you is not respect, and how he behaves in front of his son, is not setting a good example of what a good man is, or does.

Love doesn't mean squat when you live in fear, and when you live under the control of someone. You may love the way he was at one time, or you may love his sense of humour, or you may love his confidence, or that he's a 'bad boy' with a tough guy personality, but this is not love.

From what you have said so far, it seems to me that you are the one that needs to get your thinking straight. See a therapist on your own, and consider that with regard to doing the right thing by your son. Be prepared to be told that there are reasons you stay, despite knowing that you are in a terrible marriage. Lack of confidence, 'love', whatever it may be. Change is not easy.

But if you are to improve your life, and the life of your child, you need to learn why you are where you are, why you are stuck, and you need to learn how to think, plan, and change your circumstances.

You may 'love' this man for the rest of your life, but hopefully you will learn that you cannot stay married to him, and accept that it is not in your child's best interest, let alone yours, to live a life of servitude, violence, and abuse.