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Dear all, my girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years. But due to some mistakes that I have made (overspending) she said she got disappointed with me and become no feelings for me. And just 3 or 4 days before my silly mistakes, we were super loving and she herself said its true, and she don't know why. Then she drop one more bombshell to me, she said during the period that she has no feelings for me, she said she got a crush on another guy, I asked why, she said don't know, just a spark, this guy is a guy that she barely knows. Now we are in a cool off period. I have did everything I could and say what I can already during this cool off period.

Can someone advise me what should I do? Because I have never been unfaithful to her when we are in the relationship. And I really love her with all my heart and treated her really well, she also agree. So is she just confuse or there is some other things in her mind? During this cool down period she is super cold towards me, no message or nothing, normally only when I wrote to her she will reply. Short answers.

Just maybe she isn't ready for a long term relationship?

Sure it's been two years-- but it's been only two years and she's already having "no feelings towards you".

It's really hard to stay in a relationship when the person doesn't really love you, there's a lot of abandonment, regret, and resentment.

It's okay to have crushes once in a while-- we're only human. However if the crushes develop into bigger things then that's when you're in trouble.

I'm just assuming at this point but if she has no feelings towards you and likes this new guy... does that mean she kind of sort of did things with this guy too?


Anyway, I think it's time to cut your losses. Why be with someone who is cold and distant... and it's only been 2 years. Imagine how it's going to be in 10.

Feelings just don't change from 'on' to 'off'. There is much that goes into making the decision that you are realizing you just don't feel the same way. Most of us would think, well, maybe it's the stress I'm under, or maybe its because he was a jerk buying a new TV that we couldn't afford. But, by and large, things, or reasons of that nature are temporary, and don't cause a complete breakup, if the relationship is solid. You work out problems.

If on the other hand, your partner is justifying her interest in another man, or, she has begun to think she may be happier with someone else, or she has just lost that loving feeling and can't be bothered to work on the relationship either by talking, or being honest with herself, and blames YOU for the demise of the union, then that is a different ball of wax.

When you are confronted with anybody who justifies their own bad behaviour, on you, where it does not belong, and where it is not deserved, stop and think about what has happened. Does it really matter that small things you did were mistakes? Who doesn't make mistakes. Does it even matter that you weren't attentive enough, or that you farted during dinner at her parents' house? Those are probably reasons for an argument, but for a breakup?

For whatever reasons she has, or has had, to be cold and distant as Mud said above, and for whatever reasons SHE chose not to work through how she was feeling with you, is anybody's guess. You are not a mindreader, you are not psychic, you aren't anybody's lap dog. Are you?

Have a little more confidence in the positive qualities you brought into the relationship, and realize that had your parter been of better 'quality' as a person, you likely wouldn't have posted the question in the first place.

You can do much better than to have someone treat you this way.

Feelings don't change over night, and if there is not good communication, very likely the dumb things you did this time, is merely a few of dozens or 100's of things done over the last two years that she was not talking about.

I seriously love her so much... I have been working really hard. She's 23, am 28. 5 years difference. 23 year old can't think about what she wants. You know what, she told me that she's young and she find it interesting to have a new boyfriend, I was like what the heck... how can she say this... its really devastating. I have never been unfaithful and I treated her like a queen. Yes, maybe we have accumulative arguments, like why do I smoke because I have asthma. How do I take care of her when I can't take care of myself. She says she very happy with me, as long as its with me, the place doesn't matters. All the money that I spend was with her. And suddenly, just 1 day ago, she ask me if I really plan to marry her and I said yes. I have no idea what she wants now. And you know what, even better, when she said that she had no feelings for me, she said that during our relationship, she also look for other guys with better qualities. What the heck, so why are we together for nearly 2 years. Does she know what she is talking? I have been telling her that I really love her a lot unconditionally, but every time she will ask if I will love her as much as now after 10 years or when she's old. I always thought as long as I treat my love ones truthfully, then they will feel and know about it and appreciate. Now, its like a total opposite...

Hi jake, so do you mean that its most likely the third party? But how can she just give up a relationship that she's says she happy with, and she knows I treat her well, love her a lot? Just for a guy that she barely knows? She gave up her boyfriend just to be with me. And now she do the same to me? Is that a cycle? She know this guy online, and when the guy says wants to meet up with her, she told me and ask me along. I am the one that brought her to see the guy. I thought as long as there is trust, she will appreaciate. OMG...

Hi Fr_Chuck , if that's the case, I have already admitted my mistake. I told her I will change, will she really forgive me and be with me again. We are now in the cool off period. I did contacted her that I know my mistakes and I really love her a lot. How can she just lose feelings completely and in such a short time have crush for others.

And even better, just yesterday we were talking on msn, she asked if I really got plans to marry her, did I calculate the amount that we need. Asked me how am I feeling these few days. I asked her about it, she says she feels bad, guilt and don't feeling loving anymore. She went on holiday yesterday, and till now not a single message, is it because of the cool off period? She's making a mess to my life now, seriously, after 6 days, I am still wondering why a guy that is treating her so good, she can just give up on the relationship. Fyi, she gave up her previous boyfriend to be with me. I love and cherish her so much, as I know she too gave up a lot, really loved me when she was in the relationship with me. She did say that she did not put everything into the relationship, and also say she change before I change and don't love her anymore, what the heck does she wants...

This is not easy to hear, but I am telling you in all honesty, you did not know this young woman as well as you thought you did.

What you did know, was only what she chose to share. For example, you say that all through your relationship, she was looking for better qualities in other men. What a horrible thing for anyone to do to another.

It doesn't matter how you treated her, which I'm sure was very well from what you have said. I don't hear you saying she treated you as well.

You have learned the hard way that she was never into you, as much as you were to her.

Please try to think about accepting that what you have learned now about her, is closer to the truth of who she is, than who you thought she was.

That is a blessing I think. You aren't stuck with her because of finances, or children, etc. you are free now to make choices- for yourself.

Yes guy feelings can change at any time for any reason, and as hard as it is to accept you have to leave her alone and change whatever plans you have ever made with her.

I doubt if its just about you or what you do for her, but how she feels about herself, and what she wants.

Break ups suck, but they happen all the time to everyone, and somebody gets a broken heart. Leave her alone, and give yourself time to accept that the two of you are no longer together.

Make other plans for your life that don't include, or depend on her.

OK, thanks. I think am silly and stupid to trust and love her so much. I always thought what a girl wants is really to have a guy that is faithful and love her unconditionally. But this case have proved me wrong. It hurts so much. I really never expect that our nearly 2 years plus relationship, can't compare to a guy that she barely knows. I can't believe just a few negatives,cannot fill up and replace the happiness and postives, that we had.

You deserve way better than being with someone who always has her options open in case something better comes along. I don't know whether it was a case of her simply not having the same feelings as you, and letting you believe she did, or her being some kind of commitment phobe who doesn't really know what she wants. Either way, you don't need that kind of treatment.

Cut of all contact with this girl, give yourself time to heal, yes I know it will hurt like hell for some time yet. And try to remember that not everyone is like this and one day you can give your heart to someone who will treasure it.

Rooting for you.

"so why are we together for nearly 2 years"

That's the real question you have to ask yourself. Was this right?
Doesn't sound like it to me.

She's not invested & looking elsewhere, she's doesn't want to continue.

"she says she feels bad, guilt and don't feeling loving anymore"

There you go. In black & white. She's out.

"During this cool down period she is super cold towards me"

Don't keep pressing it. Or you will be in for more hurt & coldness. Way worse.
Who wants that?

Time for the next chapter that doesn't include her.

Remove the problem now. Her.

Do your own thing. Your are officially broken up.

Thank you all for the help and ans that you have provided. Its quite clear in my mind now, I will just wait for her to cool off, and see what she's say. So for now I would choose to trust her, and can only hope that she don't betray my trust.

Just got to know recently that? 1 of the main reason for this issue is that I do not have savings and she's feels that there is no future for us as I am not giving her security finically and not dependable...

There you go, those were her feelings not yours, so now you can leave her alone, and get a life, with a bright future, and get a girl who will have love, and FAITH, in you.

Enjoy your freedom, you have many options now.

Just broke up with my girlfriend, but I just miss her so much. She is tired and very very disappointed with my habits of overspending, I admitted my mistakes, and promised to change but she still insists on the breakup. She herself said I treated her so well, and she too felt the pain of giving it up on me and the relationship, but why does she still insists?

She says she has no confidence on carrying on the relationship... and that's the reason.. previously, she told me she had a crush on a guy, but after some time of the cool off period she say she found her feelings back for me and the other guy is just a crush that she is now aware.

But why did she not even give me a chance to prove that I will really changed this time? Can someone tell me what I should do to have her back? I love her so much and the time that we had.

You seem to have a really tough situation. If it's the spending habits that's getting her tipped then you shouldn't def work on that. Ask her if she loves you so much why she won't go back into the relationship, beg her for a chance and keep reminding her how much she means to you and how she's the only one for you. Promise her any fault she doesn't like about you, you will try your very hardest to change and WILL change, just for her.

Tried that done that, but she still say give each other some time, she say she can't just have the confidence back. Anyway do you think there is some other reason? I don't think the spending habits is a strong enough reason to cause a break up when I have already admitted my mistakes and promise that I will change and also how much I love her. Her feelings for me just keep changing, found her feelings for me, not as much as before, love to like, then confuse again, these are what she said herself. And recently, she doesn't even text or call me, just say need some time. I have no idea what she wants



Best thing, she also ever said, she did think of wanting to be back together again, and said its hard for her to lose and give up on me and the relationship but end of the day I celebrated her birthday with her, she still says let us remain as friends first. I text her one last time, telling her of how I feel about her and the willingness to change and also if she manage to find her feelings and confidence back, she has to let me know for the sake of both of us. She said OK. Do you think I did the right thing?

I think there might be some other reason behind it, maybe the other guy he has/had a crush on got her confussed. I'm not one to say if you did the right thing or not. If she loves you she will come back, just keep reassuring her that you love her but don't go over boarding annoying about it. Try to spend time with her but if she tries to walk away from you then give her some space. Follow her most places but not all. I'm sorry my advice isn't the best, I too am going through situations at the moment

No prob, I have never been unfaithful too her, and I dare to say I treat her really well which she herself agree.. but its sad that one negative of mine was enough for her to give up on her feelings and our relationship. And you are right, if she really loves you she will be back. What's unfair is she's not contacting me, she does reply my msn, but cold ~~~~its like I have become an option or just a trash to her.

Dude, step back and give her space as no female likes a puppy who constantly begs for attention.

Give her some space to examine yourself and your behavior since this started. If she misses you, then she cares, if not then you know.

"she still insists on the breakup"

She said it, you said it, now Im saying it.

"She says she has no confidence on carrying on the relationship"

Leave this girl be. Don't waste your time. Act like a puppy.

Did you get the "breakup" part?

Time for you. Not her.

Tried to remind her to think of our times, our I treated you and how happy you were with me everyday via msn. Today she said is getting annoying, just give her some time to cool it off. But she said we can still msn and message, and still ask her out. She said as for now, the feeling is not right, she does not knows what she wants and is confuse, need to sort out her thoughts. Can a girl just forget everything like how we were like and just change suddenly. I send her a last message telling her to just think of us and our time, and told her I won't be repeating the same thing again. Am so scare that I will lose her during this period, and she feels as bad as me too. So what is wrong? Should I just leave it until she's clear? Will she just go out with another guy and I just lose her like that?

"she said is getting annoying"

So stop. Bugging her. She's done. Stop trying to get her back.

"am so scare that i will lose her during this period"

You already lost her man. Go NC.

She's going to go out with other guys. And you with other girls.

That's what happens when you breakup.

Sorry. We all have to face facts at some point.

Its now all up to you. Living without her. Whatcha going to do.

Wait?

OK, I had enough, treating someone real well does not means you will get it back, or least be appreciated. Am off now, until when she finally get her thoughts back and let me know, there's seems like there's nothing I can do but to move on. Thank you so much

You got that right. As much as it sucks to know. Ugh.

Stick with those thoughts you just wrote.

Learning from this girl will help you later. You will end up thanking her. And yourself, for knowing.

Time is on your side. Don't waste it. Have fun.

And this forum is here, anytime, along the way.

Yeah, she say she misses, but feeling is not right, anyway, let her be, apart from the overspending I did not treat her unwell or unfaithfully. So if its because of the guy that step in or some other reason, maybe her love to me is not that really strong, just be giving my all... we spend nearly 4 days a week seeing each other. And can't be compared to a guy that just step in or due to my financial status? What a joke



She's the one that turn cold, not me, the next relationship that am in, am going to, just follow the wind

Whatever the reasons, she's out.

No longer your concern. That's all in the past now.

Now you can do whatever you please.

I would go NC. Don't communicate w/her at all.

Yup, doing that, I can't even be bothered with the 'real' reason anymore, can only blame myself for been too naïve, giving too much, trusting and being a silly & fool. No more next time

There's no reason for blame. That doesn't serve you in any way.

I hope that text was the last one. The last attempt.

Now NC, man. Don't talk to her ever again.

The more you do, the more pain.

Get rid of your prob. (Her). Disappear now.

Hi All, my girlfriend have broken up with me, we had a relationship of nearly 2 years. We have not been really contacting each other for nearly 2 to 3 weeks. She said the breaking up reason is because I always overspend, those types that earn how much and will spend how much. Fyi, most of it was spend on our dates and her... so she said because I keep overspending, I do not have the financial stability, she says she sees no future between us, and have never stop worrying about my finance since we started the relationship. Fyi again, during this relationship of nearly 2 years, I have already job hop twice, my wages have been increasing but more than 50%, because I also wanted to have better life for both of us. She said she knows that I spend a lot on her, I have put in a lot of effort and I have treated her so well to the point she doesn't know if she can find another guy that treat her this well. So she kept insisting that the problem lies with her, she don't know what she wants, confuse, doesn't want to stick to a guy at this point of time, think having a foreign might be interesting and still love and miss me but not as much as before, insists she just do not have the confidence to continue with the relationship, then days later says love becomes like, become feeling not right, confuse.. Says its very tough for her too to give up on me when me and my family have treated her so well.

Anyway, there is one point of time right where got to know this guy online, I was the one that she agree to bring her along I still trusted them and bring them around showing them good food and drinks... bills on me... when we quarrel once, she said she had a sudden crush on him, but after cooling off she said its just nothing actually, she realise it, and know she still have feelings for me.. just recently, I reliase that the guy have actually remove me from his Facebook and the girl have been posting flirting post among her friends. It is really pissing me off. I did not asked her about anything yet. I remember during the break up, she said she will not be with the guy, asking me to believe her, and kept insisting that what she told me for the break up is all honest, what do you guys think, need some opinions :)

Do you have a budget and a savings plan? Or do you just live for today? Maybe that's her problem with you, that she doesn't see someone who is responsible with his money.

What do you think?

Yup, I have all the saving plans up, might not be a lot, but have started with something, and the new job that am in are paying well, and am just like less than 2 months in the job when the broke up happened :s she 23 of age. She just asked me how long do I want her to wait... am really putting in a lot of effort on it. She just keep insisting she forgive but can't forget, insisting she just do not have the confidence at the time being. The bombshell was that she says she always keep a look out if there is someone out there with better conditions... I do not think that is the way to treat someone that loved her unconditionally and treated her really really well and with respect...

Then it's time to move on and get your life in good shape. Be good to yourself for a while and get stable emotionally and financially.

Don't look for someone else, but be busy and involved with life and be happy. That's when love will find you.

I am really curious whether if that's the real reason although she insists she has been honest. I also wonder why can't she give me a chance to prove that I really working hard on it when she says she still have feelings for me in the first place although not as strong as before. She just says see no future in us, and insists on the break up rather than dragging any longer. Seriously, I mean time and joy that we had together and the way I have love and treated her, doesn't matters? Just because of this overspending?

Yup, am moving on, trying hard to work on my career. Just neeed some time to get over it. It also pains me to see that she's taking it so easy? And talking in fb with like there is a third guy or already have some other guys in mind. Is it really that easy? Haizzz sigh

Yeah, at your age, it can really be that easy. Young women out try this and then try out that. It's like a slow dance and changing partners -- until she finds the partner who matches steps with her and makes her feel like she's dancing on air.

Apparently, you aren't that partner for her, so keep on dancing until you match steps well with someone else and sweep her off her feet.

Yup, understood. We actually understand each other very well, and both of us agree that we have lots of commons and thinking that many couples out there might not have. So that's one of the reason that I really cherish this relationship and her. But she agreed with that but still...

Anyway I shall move on, and hopefully I will find someone that really appreciates me. Thanks a lot wondergirl

Sorry to hear
Do you think maybe the problem lies elsewhere in the relationship and the overspending might just be a factor in her decision? It sounds like there might be a little more to this.
Take this time for you, keep yourself busy in the coming weeks.. too much idle time will lead you to dissect your relationship which isn't healthy.
In time you will get some sort of resolve,one way or another. Try not contacting her 1st, this includes Facebook. Sometimes not knowing what an ex is up to is blissful especially when your feelings are so raw. Think about it, if you knew she was flirting with another guy it'd only make you feel worse... not knowing what she's doing will help you focus on you, no distractions.
Hope it works out for you

Am 28, she's 23. She have been insisting it's the overspenting that got over her limits, and my financial stability. But one thing for sure, I had my savings plan up 3 or 4 months before this broke up happened, and I have changed 2 jobs and each job is getting better than the previous. She said she sees and know the effort that I have put in, and threw back at me asking how long she has to wait. But at the same time she gave contradicting reason, like her feelings is not right, not as much as before, doesn't wants to stick to one guy at this time, sees no future between us? scare that she will have a crush on some other guys again when she is in korea which I don't deserve it, saying that I treated her really well and not sure if she can find a guy that treated her as well as I did, saying its not easy on her to give up on me and the relationship too, saying the problem lies on her, she is confuse and don't know what she wants, etc. these really causes me lots of questions in my head, but after persisting and trying to save the relationship for some time, I guess its time for me to stop, kind of annoying for her I guess. So after dragging this situation for a month plus, I gave a stop to it. So hopefully she does know what she wants in the future. What is annoying me now is that, she will not be with the guy that she had crush on but her posts in fb and the guy deleting me from his Facebook, seems to be leading me to think that they are already together, in anyway, I did not ask her about it. So any suggestion what is this situation going on?

She says she will not carry on with the relationship until she figures out what she wants in life... what a ans

Stop following this girl on face book and get out of her business. The reasons she dumped you don't matter, but to keep those feelings stirred up is what will keep you from moving on with your life.

It will take time to build a life without her. So start now.

Sure, feeling can change, they do everyday. However, she is clearly done with relationship. I think it is time to go no contact, accept that she no longer wants to be with you, and start moving on with your life. There is no point in waiting for someone who is already looking for something else, you will get over this. Give it some time, it's not easy, break ups suck. But the sooner you accept it, the sooner you heal.

"i guess its time for me to stop, kinda of annoying for her i guess"

Yup. You got that right.

Stop spinning your wheels. Time to stop living in the past.

Use what you've learned about this for the next time.

Just have fun.