Earlier this year my boyfriend and I were going through tough times. I had gotten pregnant, we were both scared of becoming first-time parents. I wasn't working at the time and our living conditions were not where we wanted them to be. So we battles daily on the option of abortion. One day a mysterious phone call came in which he walked outside to talk. When he came back in I saw the sadness in his eyes. After several minutes of questioning he finally admitted to me that he cheated and the girl called him to tell him that she was pregnant. That must have been the hardest pill I had to swallow in MY LIFE.

NOW mind you at this time I was still pregnant. I didn't know what to do, the man I loved had indeed cheated and possibly fathered another child at the SAME time I was pregnant! So weeks passed and I stayed with him but unfortunately we decided to go through with the abortion (coward move that I have to live with). He was constantly stressing two women always calling him about this and that, just overall making me feel bad about being pregnant, but she decided to keep hers.

Months have passed and its now nearing the time when her baby is due and I decided to break up with him. Now I know your thinking why are you just deciding to leave when you have stayed with him this long. The truth is I don't know! The reality is eating me up more and more that he may have his first child and NOT by me, yes it could have been me if I wasn't such a selfish-coward but the reality of it its NOT going to be me.

How am I going to look at this child? How am I going to tell my family about this when the child is around? I still haven't forgiven myself for what I did and to top it off a couple of months ago I had gotten pregnant by him again but I miscarried. I was going to keep this one without a SHADOW of a doubt. But that took an emotional toll on me that I can't bring to words. I just decided to let him go but I'm struggling getting over him. YEA its only been two days but this is the longest we have ever went without talking... Should I just get back with him or what?.

ADVICE PLEASE

Take care of yourself, and get the love back for yourself before you get back on the roller coaster of loving someone else.

He has other things to worry about and it may be too much to deal with for him, and FOR SURE, its not fair to YOU!

Stay out of this, and let yourself heal, and get your own strength back.

Sorry to hear all of that.

The further you stay away from him & his reckless drama, the better.

Hes already caused enough damage.

He & his other girlfriend are not your problem.

I would get some counseling.

Look at this all as a blessing in disguise. And big lesson on discretion.

Who wants to be & make serious life plans with a reckless cheater?

Not you.

No, don't get back with him. After there is a an abortion in a relationship the most common outcome is a break up. You have no ties with this fellow and he has a responsibility as a father to take care of his child. Work on yourself, get some professional help in dealing with the abortion (I tell you from personal experience it is something that will creep on you not now, but in the future if you don't take care of it). Also, learn to value yourself and the life of your first two unborn children, they will leave a mark, and it is a nasty one for the rest of your life. Reconstruct your life alone, not with someone that does not value you or your potential family. But only when you are ready, not NOW.

Everyone thank you for your responses. I have been battling with not answering his calls emails voicemails I mean I can go on and on. Its so hard because he was all I was wrapped into and now that he is gone I feel as empty as I did after my A-word (I hate saying it). He says that I am being selfish and causing him to become ill at the thought of losing me but he doesn't get my anger and dismay. In all honesty I believe he does but for his own selfish reasons of keeping me he would minimize the severity of the situation by saying you'll never see the child or that's not your problem, you'll never deal with it... if you want your baby back we can do it and I told him I am afraid of getting pregnant again because if I lose this one I will lose my mind...

Bringing a child into this world will not FIX anything. It won't repair, or solidify your relationship with your cheating boyfriend, it won't mean he loves you, or you love him; the two of you are in such a dysfunction relationship now, why on earth would you add a baby to the existing situation.

He cheated, got somebody else pregnant, while you were pregnant, she is about due to have her baby with your boyfriend, you have an abortion, then get preganant again, then miscarry, then consider getting pregnant again?

Please don't bring a baby into this world under these conditions. Neither of you are stable enough, have the financial security, or a stable enough relationship to even think about adding a baby to the mix.

At the very least, get yourself on the pill.

Then get out.

Find a way to improve your own life. Get an education, get a job, seek out all the help that is available to you to be an independent, confident person in your own right. When and if you decide to be in charge of your own life, and make changes in order to do so, you will learn soon enough that a baby is not a very smart idea to have right now.

This boyfriend of yours is NOT going to solve your problems for you. At the very least you need distance from him to realize that having a baby is the worst possible thing you could do. You will be tied to him for decades, and struggling to raise a child on your own.

If you think that your biggest problem is deciding whether to stay with him, knowing what he's like, and what your history is like together, that tells me you need help to turn your life around.

This is not love.

A baby that is lost is lost forever, that one would be your third.