I found a post here explaining pretty much the situation I'm in.

Here's the thing: I met this girl 3 weeks ago. We were counsellors at a summer camp; It was my first time there, I didn't know anybody. I started noticing that she would look at me sometimes and try to get close to me. Someone told me that she was interested in me, that she liked me a lot as a person; so I started getting close to her. We had long chats, we would be close most of the times but we didn't do much more than hold hands once. That same person that told me she was interested in me also told me she was single, so I almost immediately asked her for a walk, so that we could talk a bit. She was happy to accept.

That night we did talk, but she told she was in a 1 year relationship that still mattered. I was surprised but I tried to explain that I like her as a person and I was not interested in a brief hookup, that I'd also like to get to know her better. She agreed; she then said she'd have talked to her boyfriend about me, saying that she met someone and they needed to deal with it. That struck me a bit; we haven't known each other for long. Anyway, the next few days we kept being close but nothing happened. On our last night (she had to leave a few days early) we talked, exchanged phone numbers, she assured me we'd have met after I got back from camp. That might have been because I'm not the most confident person ever; I've had my relationships but I was afraid that once she got back to her boyfriend she'd consider me as nothing more than a summer fling. Before leaving she asked me not to text her stuff like "oh my love!" or those corny things, which I never did, so I asked myself how much does she think I'm into her? I am, by the way, but that's not the point.

So when she got back she added me on Facebook, she texted me saying things like she'd have many, many things to tell me.. And basically being all flirty. Her contacts weren't so frequent but at least one or two every day. When I got home, I accepted her friendship on Facebook (I could have done it on my phone but I didn't want to seem to eager). We kept on texting; one day I called her, as we were talking I mentioned that I like to write (as you might have understood english is not my mother tongue, by the way) and that I had written her an email but haven't sent it yet. She asked to have it immediately, so when we ended the call I sent it. It was a pretty revealing email, stating the reasons I like her and such. Nothing too romantic or fancy, though. I told her I had a couple more ready and that I could send her one each day, she seemed happy about it.

She kept on texting me, not too much though. I guess it's because she was with her boyfriend, so I decided not to be pushy and when she didn't answer for a day I wouldn't worry, I wanted to respect her space (and the fact that she's in a relationship). She kept on tagging me on Facebook, reading the posts on my blog and "liking" them. So finally last Friday we went out; it was a bit difficult to set up a time but we were able to meet close to were she lives (we live 15 miles away). We talked all night, but here's where I thought I made a mistake.

I bought her a red rose, a tiny one so she could hide it. Date started great; just talking, having some wine and so on. But there was something off which I couldn't understand. She told me she had a fight the previous day with her boyfriend, since he knew she was going out with me. I was surprised to hear that but I appreciate the fact that she's open and honest. Then I gave her the rose; she seemed really happy to receive it (even if she added that that put her in a difficult position) and we kept on talking for a while. Her conversation seemed to drift a bit though; she told me once again she had this fight, that her boyfriend thought I only wanted to sleep with her (which is not true; I like her as a person, but it doesn't hurt that she's a beautiful girl, too). But then she told me that in the last few days she had realized she loves her boyfriend and that I'm putting her in a difficult position by trying to ask her out, something she would not have been able to justify to her boyfriend.
During our conversation her boyfriend called her on the phone, they talked for a little while and she came back to me.
After this bit, our date went a little south; she seemed kind of sad, so I told her that I respect her current situation, that I care for her and the most important thing for me is to see her happy, therefore I was ready to be apart and avoid contacting her for a while even if it was tough for me, so that she can figure things out. I added that it might be a tough path to follow but she was worth it. She agreed but it looked like she already had figured things out.

Anyway, it's been a few days and no contact from her. I wrote her another email yesterday evening (I had asked her not to respond to them, as I wanted her to not feel pressured. Whichever way she chooses to contact me is fine), of course not expecting an answer. But then again something else happened; she has a friend she confides in that was at the camp too, I had reached out to her on Facebook to send her a picture, she asked how are things going with this girl (she knew her feelings for me, which were pretty strong and visible at the camp), since they had to meet up yesterday night. I explained how things went; she answered me today saying that in her opinion it's a good idea to back off for a while and not expect too many good things to happen since she's convinced she made the right choice, so I should just try not to contact her and see how things develop, but without getting my hopes up. I'm afraid I answered her too soon as I was a bit disappointed; I asked her opinion, if she thought she was really interested in me, adding that I was trying to understand if she was being kind just to avoid hurting me.

So here I am, of course I didn't contact this girl but I can't stop looking for her profile on Facebook, in which on the day after our date she posted some ambiguous thing indicating she has an interest in me. But then again, no contacts from her since our date. Now, after that message from her friend, I do not know what I should do; of course I won't contact her, but in my last email to her I wrote that I would have texted her today or tomorrow, or called her, to see how she was doing (she's got a test at the uni soon). So no contacts today, I suppose I won't contact tomorrow either but I wanted to text her on Thursday just to see how she was doing, something light I mean, not romantic at all. By the way, in my conversations with her I have always been shy and demonstrated not that much confidence. It wasn't like this with other girls; I am shy, of course, but I was always able to hide it. It didn't work with her; she amazes me and I found myself pretty much powerless.

I really like this girl; my last relationship ended 3 years ago and since then I had a few brief flings that wouldn't last for more than a few weeks, but nothing too serious. I feel like I'm falling for her and I haven't felt like this in a long time. The though of having made some mistake is eating away at me. Was that flower too much or not respectful enough of her current relationship? If she was happy in her relationship, would she have let herself be attracted by me? How long should I wait before calling her, or even texting her or some other little thing on Facebook? Is having no contact at all for, say, one week a good idea? Maybe more? Would she expect something from me?

I realize it might be silly, childish or immature. She is in a relationship which she told me mattered and she added that she loves her boyfriend. So why am I holding on to this? I like this girl, I really do, I think we could be a great couple. No matter how much I try to avoid thinking of her, she is still there. She's beautiful and smart and, I'll be honest, it's been a while since I felt like this for someone. I was amazed and kind of flattered by the interest she had in me; other guys at the camp were almost jumping at her but she chose to stick by me. I just don't get this; what did I do wrong, was I wrong in expressing my feelings?

I apologize if my post was too long (and my english isn't that clear) but I needed to get this off my chest. Most of my friends do not understand this and those that do have different opinions; some say I should text her tomorrow, some say to forget about her.
I do not know what I should do, and I will appreciate any help or suggestion available. Thank you.

Clearly, you put much thought into this and overcomplicated the situation so it seems that even you don't understand what's going on.


what did I do wrong, was I wrong in expressing my feelings?
Right or wrong does not matter, chalk this one up to experience; realize what you did, learn from it, and move on.

Advice: distance yourself from this and this will all pass over.

I understand, I do. It's just that right now we're not having any contacts so the only thing I can do is think about it and try to analyze the whole thing. I realize I'm overthinking this but I'm trying to find a balance between contacting her a little bit and not contacting her at all. I don't want to give her the impression that I gave up but also I don't want to push her too much.

I'm not ready to move on, though. I knew right from the start it would have been difficult, possibly painful and with an uncertain outcome. But she's worth it.
I believe we could have something and I keep thinking that if she allowed herself to be attracted by someone else her feelings for her boyfriend weren't that strong to begin with, and maybe now she's feeling guilty towards her relationship. It's tough to wait and see what happens; I'm not the type of guy that sits around and just waits. I need to do something. It's hard to be respectful of her space and her relationship, but that's what I need to do.

There's one thing I don't understand; why should I let go so easily? Why should I give up? Because it's complicated and I don't want to mess with her current relationship? Again, I repeat myself, it's not much of a relationship if you allow yourself to be attracted by someone else. It's like you already have emotionally moved on and maybe now she's feeling guilty towards her boyfriend. But how long could this last?

Anyway, thanks for the advice.

If she is taken, then you need to back off, plain and simple.

I'll be honest, I didn't read your post because it's way too long, so I missed this crucial piece of information.. .


Here's the thing: I met this girl 3 weeks ago.

You've known of her for three weeks and you're this infatuated?

. . . I keep thinking that if she allowed herself to be attracted by someone else [then] her feelings for her boyfriend weren't that strong to begin with, and maybe now she's feeling guilty towards her relationship.
Bro you got it all wrong. She toyed with you; she just wanted your attention. That just means she's narcissistic, that doesn't mean she's lost feelings for her boyfriend. It also means this is a girl you should never date because she's selfish, so be thankful you haven't spoken to her in a while.

You responded to her cues immediately, so she knew for certain that you were under her spell, and as such, she also knew you would not make a bold move which could harm her or her boyfriend. You were just a harmless admirer.

There is absolutely no way you can recover from this. You exposed your intent too early for this to blossom into something down the road. Read this book (http://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198).

If this were three weeks ago, I'd advise you to play her advances coyly, don't give into her so easily, make her work for your attention to see 1) if it's genuine interest or just a game, and 2) to make her want you that much more. It's morally questionable to try and steal someone else's girlfriend, but I ain't here to judge.

there's one thing I don't understand; why should I let go so easily?
Because she is in a relationship that matters, has told you that, and has told you that she is staying with him. You would understand if you were not so carried away by your own feelings.


why should I give up? Because it's complicated and I don't want to mess with her current relationship?
You give up because she has been nothing but friendly, and honest with you. She even said you put her in a difficult position. You would see that and back up and leave her alone if you were not so carried away by your own feelings that she has told you nicely she doesn't share, and she chose to stay with her boyfriend.


again, I repeat myself, it's not much of a relationship if you allow yourself to be attracted by someone else. It's like you already have emotionally moved on and maybe now she's feeling guilty toward her boyfriend. But how long could this last?
She is in love with her boyfriend, she told you that. Its human to be attracted to others while you are in a committed relationship, that's just being friends. That's what the argument they had was about, YOU, and now she has made a choice and been nice about it, and you must do your part by being mature enough to take the hint, and leave her alone, instead of causing her any more problems.

If you were not blinded and carried away by your own feelings, you would see that leaving her alone is the right thing to do for you both.