View Full Version : Advice on getting your ex boyfriend back?
Still_Hurt
Sep 5, 2011, 04:30 AM
My ex and I split up 2 months ago, he dumped me after 3 years of being/living together. It has been pretty hard as he lives with my best friend and fiancé (bestfriend of 19 years!) So I see him often. We like to say that we are still friends but it gets messy sometimes and we have rather large fights ending in us not speaking for a few days. I want him back I just don't know how to go about it he is so stubborn and has to be right all the time so I don't know how to go about it. Also found out he has a date tomorrow which has bummed me out a little more... Just need some advice!
Jake2008
Sep 5, 2011, 11:02 AM
Maybe its time to really think about what you are doing, what is possible and worthwhile, and what is no longer in your future.
From what you said, he broke up with you. He's living elsewhere, and has started dating. The relationship, from his perspective, is that you and him, are no longer a couple.
That he lives with your best friend and her fiancé, is not something you can change, because it is his decision to stay where he is. What you can do, is stop getting into arguments with him. Until more time has passed, I would suggest you keep your visits to a bare minimum, and instead see your best friend outside of her home.
When things start getting heated, walk away. Don't allow yourself to be drawn into it whatsoever. Turn around and leave.
I can understand why it would bother you to see that he is now dating. It is sort of another period at the end of the word, 'over'.
Wanting him back, yet in the same breath saying that he has to be always right, thus I presume arguing was a regular part of your relationship, isn't likely to happen. Arguing is or should be, healthy for a relationship. But, if the arguments (whatever they are about) are never resolved, and weren't healthy during the relationship, what makes you think that he is different now. Or that he'll change. Or that he's even interested in changing to make a relationship with you work- again.
I hope that if you keep more distance between you and him, you'll begin to accept that the pangs you feel about him moving on, and dating, will ease up. Eventually, you won't care what he's doing. But this is all still raw, emotionally.
Time is your best friend right now. Best of luck to you.
talaniman
Sep 5, 2011, 12:18 PM
I think once you accept its really over, and stop thinking of getting him back you will be a lot better off. Since he lives with close friends, avoiding him and what he is doing will be really hard, but they should all understand your need to heal, and rebuild without being constantly reminded of what you had with this fellow.
Expand your life to other friends and family, with activities you enjoy for a while.
It gets better believe me, even if you don't think so while you are hurting.
Fr_Chuck
Sep 5, 2011, 01:18 PM
If you want him back, just take the blame for everything and accept what ever he wants and change and do everything his way. Never fight, just always accept and agree with things the way he wants. Tell him you are sorry, it was all your fault and you will serve him as a slave if he will only come back.
Of course you could have some dignity and self respect and just stop seeing him, don't go to the friends house if he is there, if your friend wants they can come to your home.
vanheart
Sep 5, 2011, 03:26 PM
Forget trying to get him back.
Accept that its over. That's step one.
You best friend should be there for you & respect your healing. Don't gossip about him w/her.
Act like you could care less about him. Which you should anyway.
Meet her outside of her place, where you don't have to see him.
The more contact you have with him. The worse it will be. He isn't your friend.
Hes your ex.
Get out of your past routine. Learn to live w/o this guy.
Hes no longer in your life.
Remember, he dumped you.