Hello everyone. I have a major situation Im in and could use all the advice I can get. I'll try to be as brief as possible, so I won't get too detailed, but if you have a question about it, feel free to ask.
So I'll get started. I met someone a year ago, I moved in with her. She is 45, I am 40. She has 3 sons, ages 20, 17 and 15. I have four kids who do not live with me, ages 13, 9, 7 and 3.
We were very much in love and wanted the same things. She had complained about her kids often in the beginning and I noticed how wildly they behaved. She wanted me to be involved as the male figure in helping set better standards and structure for them. So we did. It was difficult at first simply because they didn't like being told to behave or follow rules. But as some time went by, they seemed to be adapting, and things seemed to be going in a good direction.
But after a while, I noticed how she was letting them slip on the rules we agreed to put into place, mostly to appease them. I told her it wasn't a good idea, but she would simply tell me to lighten up. So therefore they started to revert back to they way they were and worse. I even noticed how the younger two started to pick up on her eldest sons bad behavior and lazy, disrespectful attitude. So, with her and I not on the same page anymore, I just gave up on the whole idea, mostly to save from arguing about it, and let her deal with them however she wanted to. So now, Im always the bad guy, because I just can't adapt to that sort of thing. I basically keep to myself and try not to be involved with any of it.
She has been increasingly ignorant and belittling to me, especially around her kids. When we are alone, sometimes she is nice, mostly when it's just convenient to her if you know what I mean. I try not to argue back, otherwise the police are usually called. They've been here so many times, they just shake their heads. They wonder why I stay. I've tried to go many times. She takes me back to where Im from, but before we get there, she does a lot of crying, we talk, and again try to make things work. But it never does. It's not long before things are back to where they were again, but worse each time. She treats me a little worse. It's like Im just a piece of dirt under her feet. I still care about her, but don't nearly love her as much as I did.
Well, I know we should just separate for good. It's gotten so much worse. She's hardly ever in a good mood with me no matter how much I try. And I don't like living under her roof under those conditions. It's like walking on egg shells all the time. But the only problem is now I can't just move out. I've burned my bridges with friends, and I simply can't afford to live on my own right now. And the little bit I do make all goes into this house. So how can I? What can I do to make things a little easier for myself around here?At least till the time comes when I can once again afford to be on my own. I just don't know what to do anymore. Any suggestions? Thanks for your time.

Wow... it does sound like a mess and I feel for you. I understand what you're going through. Sadly, I can't offer you too much here other than my support... for you to know that others have been there.

I do have a suggestion. Well, you do already realize you need to get out of this so we can skip that. The problem you face is being able to get out... All I can suggest is that you maybe look for rooms to rent or houses to share. If you check around, you can often find these places and the cost of living there is fairly cheap compared to getting your own place.

Good luck to you.

"She takes me back to where Im from, but before we get there"

That comment is SO KEY.

Was it that you jumped into this?
Didn't really get to know her & all that she comes with before getting into seriousness?

Suss things out a bit?

Sounds to me that she doesn't want to communicate. While you are stressing mostly about her kids.

"Im always the bad guy"
"belittling to me, especially around her kids"
"I try not to argue back, otherwise the police are usually called"
"It's gotten so much worse. She's hardly ever in a good mood with me no matter how much I try."

Sounds like you should leave.
This is hell.

"I simply can't afford to live on my own right now"

Is that the reason to stay in hell? Or why you got w/her?

Are you still a dad to your kids?

Thank you Odinn7, I appreciate the support.
Vanheart, I don't understand the first comment being SO KEY?
Yes, we did jump a little too fast into it.
At the time we got together, I could afford to be on my own. Since we've been together, I was laid off, and the little bit of unemployment compensation I get isn't much.
As far as my children, yes Im still there dad. But I don't get them as often because I never know how she will be and I don't want them to spend their time with me in this house around that.
Yes it is hell living like this.

Sorry, stuck.

Had that one out of context. Sort of.

The point is you are in an environment for all of the wrong reasons.
This isn't happy, mutual or fulfilling.

So why?

You will never fix her or her kids. She doesn't show you respect & honestly. Neither one of you sound like you are ready for another relationship. Let alone, with each other.

Get out now. Doesn't sound like thing will change here. How much more time can you invest in being unhappy?
Time is precious.

Like you said:
"Yes it is hell living like this."

Yes Vanheart, but the problem is, I have no where to go. I can't live on the street.

When Im down & in the crap, stressing about whatever, my good friend always says:
"When things arent working for you, make a change" "Stop doing the same thing".

The best advice.


"It's like Im just a piece of dirt under her feet."
Who needs that?

I know Vanheart, but I don't have much of a choice right now. Just trying to figure out what I might be able to do to alleviate some of the stress in the mean time

Ok, then.

First thing is to make a plan to split & how.

Be loving & civil in the meantime. Don't sacrifice you, in the meantime.

Tell her as soon as you have another place and are ready.

Then move on. Don't be her pal after.

Good luck.

I do have a plan. When I can start making more money again, Im going to save as much back as possible without her knowing. Being her pal afterward is definitely out of the question.
But being loving and civil, I try that all the time. Doesn't work.
Thanks

Stay strong, stay positive. You will do it when the time is right.

Take care.

I lost my job 2 years ago. My GF right after that.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Got to have the will first.

All I know is that I would rather be homeless, then be treated like **** everyday.

Do you have any family or good friends? Nows the time to call on them.
Couch surf?

I had one good friend left, but I burned my bridge with her the last time I was going to leave. As far as family, no.
Homeless really isn't an option for me right now. I was recently diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. The insulin I take has to be kept refrigerated at all times. Also, need to have an address for my current medical assistance.
I guess Im just stuck in hell for now.

Swallow your pride, and rebuild that bridge, and leave. Be humble show some humility, or be humiliated.

All being humble takes is honesty.

Can't, tried that. That friend wants nothing to do with me anymore

Well, stuck is the right name then.

What do you think you should do?

Wait around? The clock's ticking.

Maybe a dose of self-respect is in order.

Who's running your life?

Well how do I get my self-respect back while living here

Like I said, spend all of your time making a plan to get out.
You got into this, after all. No one twisted your wrist.

The self-respect thing is up to you. Long overdue. Read "The Prophet"

I suggest some local professional counseling. Check it out. Find a good one.

Im just a hack.

BTW,

I have 2 friends with Type 1.

One from drug use, the other from a bad transfusion in surgery. A few years back.

Go figure. I later worked w/Johnson & Johnson promoting some of their OneTouch stuff. Weird.

My point is that my friends are just fine. Have overcome & dealing.

Like I said, where there is will...



Let will be your roof.

Easier said than done, but thanks anyway Vanheart

Dear stuckrighthere. Reading your words I feel you're a man of kind heart. May I ask if your kids are already having a step-father or someone like that? If not, forgive me if what I'm going to say here is impossible to you, but the place where your kids are is the best place for you to go to, in my opinion. They need their own father. As you've seen being a step-father you've tried with all your heart but things didn't work.

Maybe since you have no other friends but the female you reside with, she is the one you should be talking to. I think I would rather be homeless than at the mercy of someone else, but why is it a 40 year old guy has NO friends that he could rely on? How did you burn ALL your bridges? How far from home are you?

I agree.
Remember there is always someone worse off than you.

When you argue back why do the police always get involved? Does it always get out of hand, if so how?
Instead of gritting your teeth until things become completely unacceptable do you try and quietly state when there is something you are unhappy with there and then? Have you tried talking to her, when things are not crazy, about how all this makes you feel? Have you tried asking her what it is she is so angry about and what she actually wants?

She needed a father figure for her unruly kids. But that isn't you.
Nor should it be. She treats you like crap.
You need a roof.

Is that the only reason?

How to deal with the abuse while you are under her roof?
I got it now.

Man up. If you were man enough to get w/her, you can be man enough to get out.

Sounds like your just lazy. Want to free ride now.

You're not in love with her. Honestly. Neither is she.
Stop pretending. Both of you.

There's other places to go. Find one.

Well Vanheart, I think that was a little uncalled for. Im far from lazy. This was never any free ride. I worked and gave her every cent I made, and the little I have left.
QLP, I've tried many times talking to her about everything, in the nicest way possible. But she just contradicts everything I say and blames me. She's a very defensive person, and when you get near to making an obvious point with her, she just walks away or screams. She has been fired from a very good job for that very reason. But she just blames everyone else.
Talaniman, The one very good friend I had wants nothing to do with me because I stayed with this so long.
petiteabeille, thank you, I am a kind person. My ex-wife is with someone and she is very happy with him. They have a good relationship. And my children are very happy.
Well a little update for everyone, I have a new job and it looks like it may work out. This weekend has been a total disaster again with her but I think that by the end of next week, I should have enough money to move out in the area I am working in. Im not looking for anything expensive, just a room for rent or something. But I think getting through this week with her is going to be difficult. If I can just get through till then I should be all right. Im really looking forward to getting out of here and getting my life straightened up again. It will be so nice to just have peace in my life again.

Sorry, just trying to push you into taking some action.

That's good news about the new job. Now you can make a move & be rid of that bad situation.

Good luck.

@stuckrighthere: I'm happy for you. Life is hard without a companion but here we are all the time with you.

Well, new update. Now she won't let me use the truck to get to work. I even offered to give her money at the end of the week. So now I'll lose that job. Then all day yesterday she kept on and on about wanting to take me back to where Im from. I told her I just wanted the week to be able to keep my job and move into that area. Now today after hearing more of her rants and raves and now knowing I'll lose that job, I told her then she can just take me back today. I have no money, no way of calling anyone, no place to stay, but I just give up on having any desire to be here another day. She even asked me if I really want to considering it's raining, I have no place to stay, and I said yes. Im at the point now where being homeless is better than this. But now she won't do it. Now it's so inconvenient to her. She wanted me out so bad, and now that I agree to go back, she won't do it. What do I do now? All my stuff is here and where I need to go is 50 miles away. Does anybody think this is some sort of a game to her? I just can't understand it.

1. Use some men's tricks to get the truck (Don't mention the truck or anything, I guess she likes feeling needed... ) if that job is really worth it.
2. Find a job in the area that you can walk to work, anything that you can make some money legally.

Hi petite. Men's tricks? How would I go about that?
As far as jobs in this area, there are none. Most of the businesses that were here have been closed for a long time now

How far is the job? Can you possibly walk there, even if it takes two hours each way, just for a week? Borrow a bicycle? Find someone you can scrounge a lift with and pay them after you get paid? Sell something to get cash for the fares? I would be doing anything I could to make it happen.

Do you have no money? What are you living on, is she keeping you right now?

Seems like she is determined to keep control over you, on her terms. You need to do whatever you can to fight your way out of this hole.

The job is way too far to walk to. I don't know anyone I could get a ride from. And even if I could walk to it, I wouldn't be able to carry all my tools with me. Im trying to think of a way. The last thing I want to do is lose this job. The only option I know of right now is somehow convincing her to let me use that truck

She knows you're planning to move so she tries all the ways to protect her possessions. You were saying she didn't agree for you to go back? So where are you now? So you either sacrifice this job and make a better plan later or be romantic, you know, do something different, to melt her down and believe that you're not going to leave her with her truck... This is not cheating, because you're not going to steal any thing from her...

Here's one idea: Call your friend(s). Explain to her that you know how well you have messed up and you really need her help. Explain the details and why you need help. Tell her about this thread and let her read how committed to fixing your life you are. Ask her if she has any ideas on how you can get out of there and get to your job.

Pack all of your stuff and get ready to get it out of the house. Don't leave behind anything you want or can't live without.

This woman's games are bordering on abusive. You need to get out of there any way you can short of ending up in jail. If police have been called to your previous arguments, it doesn't take a stretch of the imagination to think she might go that far to get what she wants (whatever that is.)

Hi petite, I kind of understand what your saying, but she's acting so mad at me. I don't know if melting her heart is going to work. Technically it is her truck, but I did help pay for it and have been using it for work before and running her kids around.
She didn't say she didn't want me to go back, she just said it won't be today or the next few because it takes away time from her work schedule. But just yesterday she wanted to, and now that Im ready to face living on the street she won't do so right away. I can't understand why if she wanted me gone so bad she wouldn't jump at the chance without having any resistance from me to go.
This is a tough one to figure out

That's true Cat. It is abusive. I feel very nervous being here and walking on egg shells all the time. But Im afraid pushing the issue and packing my things will only flare her up worse. Plus, I really need to try to keep this job. Jobs are so hard to get these days and I have so many bills.
As far as my friend, I emailed her last night explaining a lot. She hasn't gotten back to me yet. She usually very busy at the hospital and often stays in that city because of the long shifts.

You can wait until you are ready to leave, but start gathering and noting where your things are. You want to do a quick pack and go when you can.

I am glad you emailed your friend and I hope she gets back to you very quickly.

I agree with Cat.

Get out now at all costs. Grab your things, hitch a ride, whatever. Losing this job because of her shouldn't be an option.

She wants you under her thumb & knows how to do it. It will only get worse. This is abuse.

You may consider contacting local Social Services/Abuse hotline, etc... They may offer up an interim solution.

I'm sorry I got a bit lost.

1. You're at your work place and still working: Leave her aside. Get a place to sleep and pay later.
2. You're at your work place and have lost the job: Also forget about her. Find another job here. Get a place to stay and pay later.
3. You're at her house and have no truck to go to work the next day: Ask for a day leave (because you're so ill... ) and use that day to make a real plan to complete move: Sell something to get some cash to take a train or any way to bring all your stuff to your work place. And stay there. Good bye to her.

There may be a mens shelter, or christian group near you that can help. Worth a try.

Hi Cat, I have my things in order. Most things are in containers and what not. So packing them in the truck won't take much time at all.
Hi Vanheart. I have a good truck load of things. If I left anything behind it would only be destroyed or stolen

Hi petite, number 3 of your response seems to be the closest. I thought about calling off from work to give myself another day to deal with this situation. But I'll probably lose it just from that. The guy Im working for has a lot of other guys who would love to have the job and he would be able to get them for it in a minute. By the way, I just started this job and have only worked two days for him so far.
Hi Taliniman, I have looked into your suggestion. But unfortunately there are no places like that around here or there.

The most important thing is to get out of her house.
Where is this job? 50 miles? How did you get there before? Her truck?

Any co-workers around that can give you a lift? Help you out? Anyone?
You may be surprised.

Even if you miss a day, I'll bet you can get back on this job.

Don't worry about your things, just pack up your tools & necessities.

Whatever you need to leave. Things are things, but you & your well-being are what's important.

Once you leave this situation. You won't have to rely on her.
Call everyone you can. Anyone. There has to be some services nearby to help.

Have you tried everyone that may be able to help?

I have tried everyone Vanheart, everyone I know that is.
But here's the latest update. She just left for work a little bit ago, but right before she left I pretty much begged her for the truck keys so I wouldn't lose my job. She gave in and said this changes nothing, and that I will still have to leave on Wednesday. This is the first I heard of Wednesday, but anyway, I said fine and thank you. So anyway, at least I can make it to work tomorrow. I've been playing it cool all day for this. It seems like I have to kiss up to her for anything. There's been many other times in the past where I had to, even when it came to her depending totally on my income when she lost her last job. But it's getting harder and harder.
Now I know I need to get out of this as soon as possible. But Im curious. Does anyone think she's trying to see how much control and harsh rule she can have on me and threaten to kick me out as her weapon to do so?
Seems like it to me, like she wants total domination. But what could that really possibly give someone in the end? How can anyone truly give their love to you when you treat them like that? And who would want someone who obeys like a dog, and still stays? I've never been treated this way by anyone, so much of this is new to me.

Well, at least you can get to work & make some $.

I would take this trip as an advantage to make any & all contacts that can help you.

Whoever. Local Church, Pastor, co-workers, neighbors, anyone at this point. Google until the cows come home.

Forget the love part. There's no love here. Only abuse.
She will certainly make you pay for this later. "kick me out" ?

You should want to get out.
You can't live like this.

Pride is one thing. Hell is another. Don't be above asking for help.

She wants you gone, there is no games or tricks to it, so go ASAP!

Looks like the deadline is Wednesday.

Hi Vanheart. Oh yeas, believe me, I want to get out. I should have been out of this a long time ago. But Im just wondering how someone like this thinks, that's all at this point. I definitely don't want to be making this mistake again.
You think she'll make me pay later for this? How do you mean? For what?

Taliniman, she's done this so many times before. But only to want to back out at the last minute when I had no problem in leaving at all. She would cry and tell me she still loves me

But by the way Taliniman, Wednesday will be the day, because this time Im not giving in to tears or I love yous

Don't worry about her. Only you.
She's twisted & manipulative.

Like Tal said, you have a Wednesday deadline.

"I definitely don't want to be making this mistake again"
Worry about that when you are long gone.

See you on Thursday.

I wish it were less common than it is, but what you are going through is what abused women, men and children go through all the time. The abuser uses anything and everything to control the target especially emotions. Have you ever asked why a woman stayed with a man who hit her? Now you know.

Perhaps, when you have some distance from all of this and you have your life in order, you can take your new knowledge and put it to good use. If there aren't shelters or help for men your area, you might think about ways to fix that as you rebuild your life. It can be cathartic to help others.

Yes Cat, as I get my life straightened out from all this mess, I would like to help others if I can. And you are right, she does all she can to have control. It's almost like Im not allowed to be upset with however she treats me. Like my emotions have to be in agreement with her. It's amazing how this person you once loved can treat you so bad. And Vanheart is right as well. There is no love here, especially from her side. But for the life of me I just can't understand what she gains from it all

A willing slave, and money making pet, and an emotional tampon. That's what she gets.

Thumbs up on that one Talaniman! So right and made me laugh!

"But for the life of me I just can't understand what she gains from it all"

She gains power. Don't wrack your brain trying to analyze her. Just you.

Its takes 2. The manipulater/abuser & the abused.

BTW, don't let her cry & plead love, suck you back in again. You may want to split when she's not around.
Avoid any further manipulation & words/police, whatever.

Once you are gone. She will have to find someone else to control. Whew!

Can't wait until you are rid of this, if I could give you a ride, I would.

Thanks Vanheart, I appreciate it, I really do. You guys have all been great. I haven't had much of anyone to talk to about all this for so long. This has all been such a great help.

Cool.

Like Cat said "It can be cathartic to help others."

Let us know how it goes.

Are there any sites or other discussions on here that anyone knows of that might have any information relating to people like what I've just described? Still curious about the psychology of it all.

Well, Im still here. It's been up and down again. Im at my wits end. I really don't know if I even want to go on anymore. I've had it all before. I've made my mistakes. I look back and regret so many of the decisions I have made. This was supposed to be my new start in life. Now that this will end as well, I just feel too tired and worn out by life to go on. I keep thinking that when this ends, I should too. I can't find the strength or will anymore. I just want to be loved, but it always fades. Why should anyone care anyway. Im of no consequence to anyone. Yeah, I guess why Im writing this is to find some answer. But really, what is that.

Did you get out of her house?

Not yet Vanheart, still here.

You have your answers, just haven't found the action part. Love yourself when others don't and do what you have to do.

Why haven't you left yet?

I don't love myself anymore Talaniman. Just don't have it in me. What else is left in life?

When things aren't going well its understandable to be down. But you haven't answered the question.

Tal, it got put off a few times. The person that I can store my things to, they won't be back till the 17th. Also, I worked two days for that guy, and he hasn't scheduled anything since. Maybe due to all the rain and flooding we have been through, but still, no money. And also, she wants to stay together then not. Mostly due to her kids whining.

What happened with the job & such?

Have you read back through your thread? There has been some very good & immediate advice.
I would do that.

We all make mistakes. That's why we are here.

The love you are seeking is right inside of you. Find that first. It takes will & being honest. Having faith.

That means changing things. Your current situation first. Leaving.
Even if it means struggling, & the fear of the unknown.

Changing other things too. Like turning self-pity & guilt, into motivation & positive action. Self-love.
Don't let this bad relationship & situation define your future.

When we are at our lowest, there is only the up. You have to make it happen.

Have the will.

Tha job seems like a joke. The guy hasn't called me back since. He talked a lot of steam, but hasn't happened. Believe me, I am a good, hearted, hard working man.
Wjat is the will of living? Just to see everything past you by? And to see everything you wanted for your children past them by? It's so much! And I feel so incapable anymore. I've seen too much of defeat and despaire
In my life to care now. Understand?

You can always recitify your past actions by taking new positive ones. Changing.

Blaming yourself doesn't help. Neither does dwelling on negative thoughts. Find the strength.

Take control.

So how will you tell your kids that daddy gave up because the freakin world was against him? How do you expect me to understand quitting on oneself.

Dude you act like you are the only one to be having a hard time. Trust me been there done that, many times. So just get off the pity pot, and make those escape plans to getting out of the prison you are in. I don't care what you say, find someone to reach out to, and ask for help, and no more talk of not having anything like a shelter, or a church around you. Or a welfare office. I know I sound harsh, but you have to do what it takes to get back in the game, even if its to borrow her truck to go home.

You have to try something, because you can't wallow in your own sh1t, and expect good things to happen, can you? You burned your bridges, build new ones.

Do I really need to Talanim? What sthe freakin point? We all must die someday. What does it matter now? Art least I will never have to face something like this again.

You have choices. Call 911, or a hotline, if you feel that desperate.

The last time you posted, you were looking forward to getting away from this.

Instead you stayed. Let her suck you back in. Against all of the advice.
She has you right where she wants you. Always have. Knows that you want love & family, uses that against you.
And you let her.

This was easy to get into, now hard to get out of.

You have taken the easy way out for a long time. Don't do it now. Nows the time to live.
Ive been there many times, still am sometimes. And fight it.

What always keeps me going is not to disrespect myself.
The gratitude that I am on this earth to begin with. And still here.

Sometimes someone gets hit by a bus & killed going to work. Sometimes a little girl gets shot & dies for no reason, when all she wanted was to help others & play baseball. At the hands of someone else.

We are all human, come from the same flesh & blood.

Like Tal said, "you act like you are the only one to be having a hard time."

Its never too late if you try.

Do I really need to Talanim? What sthe freakin point? We all must die someday. What does it matter now? Art least I will never have to face something like this again.

Is that what you tell your children? What's the point? Do you tell them to give up when things get hard for them?

They need a daddy, not a male who thinks that being a father is giving them things. They need to visit you not a memorial to the man you wanted to be. You can give your children the world just by being their father and encouraging them to find their wings. Show your children how to survive whatever happens in their lives. Show them and yourself that no matter how old you are dreams continue and you can succeed. It may take more work or different skills than you think you possess right now, but there is always hope.

You're depressed and letting the situation get to you. You got into it. You can get out of it. Have faith in yourself. Find anything that helps you build up positive thoughts about yourself. Why allow a woman and her children to drag your self-esteem down just to build up their own?

What am I supposed to do when I have no options at all? I have no job, no place to go, nothing. Only more problems than I started with. I can't believe that someone loves you one day, then turns around and hates you the next. What the hell happened? We wanted the same things before, I thought I filled the void in her life that she said was there. And now Im nothing to her, but some piece of dirt.

It just feels that the best thing to do is just end it. I've been married before, had a great family, had a good career. I'll never have that again. All I have is problems. And it never seems to get better. It might for a little while, then things just get worse than before. Im just so sick of living anymore. I haven't had much time with my kids because of these bad relationships. I don't think it would matter to them anyway if I were alive or not. And in my condition, what good am I to them anyway. I can't do much for or with them anyway.

You are a divorced guy. You know how things change, and feelings change. I am willing to bet if you PM me your zip code, I could tell you where to go, and start having options.

Look guy, life happens, and its tough, but you thrive, and survive by taking a few good suggestions or just trying. You have no options because you don't want to try. Take me up on my offer, send me your zip, and let me show you. Or just Google mens shelter in XXXXX, and I guarantee you will have a place to at least start looking. If you are in the US, every county has a service for homeless or dislocated people, and counselors that can point you in the right direction.

I have been doing this a long time, not just for homeless and the unemployed, but for addicts and ex cons also, who just want another chance.

Now get off your a$$, and do as I suggested. Or take your next check, and get a bus ticket home, and check out your local human resource center, or county facility and at least try, and keep trying until you get a foot in the door, or options for yourself.

Are you trained for anything? Then get hooked up to be trained for something. Do something besides feeling sorry for yourself.

What were your options before you got in this situation?
Remember back? When you made that decision.

Stop crying & start trying. If you wanted to leave, you would. Im starting to feel like Im being played.

Stick your thumb out. Take the advice here. Local help,. Whatever.
If you really care, about you & your kids and your future, you would find a way to fix things.

Instead you are staying the same. Sounds like you don't care at all about anything. Nothings important, except your bed.

All Im hearing is still about her. Why? After all you know? You might as well stay there. Must not be that bad, after all.

You don't want to listen or change.

Let me know when you decide to leave.

I am getting out of here this weekend. That's for sure. It's just that I have no where to go. Im not trying to feel sorry for myself. I know it sounds like I am. I guess I have been somewhat. It's just so hard to deal with. I just can't believe how someone who once loved you can just turn their back on you like that.
I did talk to my ex-wife for a while. She can't do anything for me, but she's concerned. We had a nice talk and she's going to try to explain things to our kids as to why they won't be seeing me for a while. I told her that Im really glad one of us at least got into a good relationship

Good. GTFO. (get the f... out)

We are here to help. During & after. All along the way.

Stop thinking about her & how love is so cruel. C'mon.

Words are just words. Actions are what's really important. Just yours now.
Her actions sucked all along. She used & manipulated you the whole time.
You believed it while being crapped on. While eating dinners.

"I just can't believe how someone who once loved you can just turn their back on you like that"

**** happens. Maybe because you let it. And got with the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

But don't worry about that, after this weekend, that will all be in your past.

Whoooooo Hooooooo!!

"I told her that Im really glad one of us at least got into a good relationship"

Never say stuff like that. That's self-pity. And Lame. No one wants to hear that.
What that says is you can't take responsibility for you actions.

Man-up.

Wow, your pretty harsh there Vanheart. Your right though, she did use and manipulate me. Just can't understand how someone can do that to somebody else

Do you really think she did?

@stuckrighthere: I think she, the woman you're with, is kind of strong one: She works, manages a house, handles and raises up her growing boys, controls a man (you)... This strong type will only be conquered by a stronger one. And you're not, unfortunately. She knows that you'll stay (or even if you leave you'll come back) anyway because she knows you're indecisive, and have no determination: the characteristics of a man that hardly achieves anything big: This is one of the reasons she has left no respect towards you and is treating you like that. Once you're disrespected by a woman, you by no means have any kind of love from her. If you ever hear any "I love you" or anything like that, she's using women's weapons to drive you, for her own goods.

I know that all difficulties that you've stated before are just excuses. The point is deep inside you, you DON'T want to leave. You're afraid, afraid of having no roof, no woman, no food...

It's up to you to become strong and independent, to live in real happiness, or to stay with her, to have a house and a woman. But remember that a woman can only love a man she respects.

It's quite possible that much of what you are saying in right Petiteabeille.
I ran into someone today at the local park when I was taking the dog for a walk. She has known my "girlfriend" for many years. She asked why she hasn't seen the two of us lately together at that park. I simply told her that we are splitting up. Then suddenly she says she's glad for me that we are. Of course I asked why, and she went into giving me the whole low-down about her. How badly she treated her ex-husband, how much of a drama queen she is, how controlling she is, and so much more. Everything she said just seemed to fit. I could tell she really knew her well. But one thing she did say before she left which I couldn't understand, she said that no matter how mad and angry my girlfriend is acting towards me, it's because she's really hurt inside and that's why she's acting that way and not to let her try to suck me back in when I do go to leave. But what could she possibly be so hurt about? She is the one pushing to have it over. She brings it up everyday. I don't argue with her about it. I tell I can't wait till it's over too.

Because she hasn't shared that hurt, doesn't mean its not there, or is about YOU.

Fact is, you can't handle what she puts down, and a greater fact is YOU don't know why she does what she does.

Yeah, that's true Talainiman, I don't know. Wish there was a way to find out. Might help make things easier to deal with until Im gone

Ask her, you have nothing to lose. She is already pushing you out.

Don't worry about the whys & her.
Just your plan.

"How badly she treated her ex-husband, how much of a drama queen she is, how controlling she is, and so much more. Everything she said just seemed to fit"

Sounds like you already know the whys. Half of them anyway.

If you choose to ask her, do not allow anything she says to change your plans to leave.

Her issues appear to predate even her marriage. Which means her emotional dust storm has been raging for quite awhile. It is not something you are going to be able to fix so don't try. You can encourage her to get help, but you cannot be that help.

You have your own emotional dust to clean up so you don't end up with your own cycle of self-defeating behavior.

Some thoughts on the job front: Have you looked into maintenance work at an apartment complex, trailer park or church? Sometimes they will have live-in positions.