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View Full Version : Terminate an adoption in nj?


jkpiano7
Aug 29, 2011, 07:36 PM
I am in a desperate situation where I need to terminate an adoption for the safety of the rest of my family. What type of lawyer do I go to for assitance here. I do not have any extended family. No friends are willing to take my adopted child for fear that their children will be victimized as well

twinkiedooter
Aug 29, 2011, 07:38 PM
Go back to the agency where you adopted the child from and see if they can place him/her elsewhere. Were you aware of this child's behavior prior the adoption?

Fr_Chuck
Aug 29, 2011, 07:43 PM
Is the adoption final, children are not like used cars, and can not be just "taken back"

Was this a private or public adoption ? Open of closed?
Is the adoption final, and if so for how long ?

How old is the child ? Was complete medical disclosures and reports done for adoption ?

jkpiano7
Aug 29, 2011, 07:48 PM
No information was given that would indicate the difficulties that are emerging now. I understand your need to explain that children are not like cars. If this were an easy thing to do, would you really think I would go to an online forum where I can be anonymous? No parent, adoptive or otherwise wants to do this, but when there are lives at stake, sometimes we are forced to look for options, when medical professionals and therapists can not help. This is after 6 years of trying to help our child, and the child refuses to conform to standards that society has set in place, such as not raping or trying to kill your siblings.

Fr_Chuck
Aug 29, 2011, 07:52 PM
At some point, you may be forced to turn it over to social services and/or the juv justice department,

If they are committing those crimes, they would , I would assume just stay locked up in the system tll 18.

Alty
Aug 29, 2011, 09:13 PM
I'm not a legal expert, but I have to ask this.

You say you want to terminate the adoption. If you do this, what do you think will happen to the child? Will he be placed for adoption, possibly end up in the foster care system? Can you allow him to go to another family knowing what you know about his behavior?

The very best thing for him would be to find the help he needs. If that means a locked down children's psych facility, then you, as his parent, can do that. As a foster child he'd likely be tossed around from one home to another, and goodness knows the damage he'll do to those family.

If he ends up in a psych facility, at least he has the chance to get help.

How old is he?

cmread
Aug 30, 2011, 07:15 PM
Jkpiano, I understand your problem, if you have other children you have to protect them and do whatever is necessary even if that means the child that is causing problems ends up in a psych facility or whatever. I know he/she is important to, but if the child refuses to comply with people who are trying to help him/her, then you have done everything you can do. The safety of the other children in the family has to be kept in mind regardless of the repercussion to the child that is causing problems. The bottom line is have him removed from your home. I know that sounds cold but, that may also be a wake up call to the child. I can give you an example. I have a 16 year old niece who was not disciplined and has ADHD. Her dad, a single parent was sent to a detention center for two years, that meant my niece had to go somewhere. So my youngest brother and his wife took her and had guardianship over her. They felt sorry for her and thought that she was acting out because she had been mistreated somehow, they bought her clothes, and all sorts of nice things, but she gave them problems. No matter what they did she would not comply with the rules, with the counselor who was trying to help her. So after a while my brother and his wife decided they were going to have to do something different. I didn't take her because I knew how she was I wouldn't be able to do anything with her and I probably would have wound up in jail. She was horrible, couldn't do anything with her. They wound up letting her natural mother take her, who by the way had never had anything to do with her, but for some reason had decided that now she wanted the child. Her mother has done some things that are quite abusive, but in the process my niece has decided she was sorry for the way she had treated all of us (her family who had always been there for her), now she is a different child. She will mind now when asked to do something, and a lot of other positive things have come out of the situation. She is still very irresponsible, but I still take her during the summer and on some weekends. I am working with her to do everything I can to ensure that she knows we love her, but she has to grow up. At 16 she is almost an adult and I worry that she is not going to be able to hold down a job. The moral of this story is that sometimes you have to do what is best for you and the other people around you, and a person no matter their age, at some point has to decide for themselves that they are going to respect authority. Now she realizes how much we love her and we all had tried to help her, but she is the ONE that refused to accept our love and help. The child you have may at some point, realize that he/she needs help and act accordingly. So my advice is do what you have to do. Report him to the juvenile authorities, and they will go from there. Keep me posted. Hope this helps

jkpiano7
Aug 30, 2011, 09:15 PM
Thank you very much for all of the input. I am thankful that you all were considerate and non judgmental. You all have given me something to think about. My child is going to a residential home, and we will take it from there. As a matter of fact, I did find out that it is impossible for an adoption to be terminated. Psychiatric facilities are an option if it comes to that after this. Yes, there is no question of love, but there is definitely a fear factor here. CMREAD, thank you for your story. It is nice to know that some things can have a good outcome.

cmread
Aug 31, 2011, 12:08 AM
You are very welcome jkpiano, I sure hope everything will get better for you and the child. I know in life sometimes we have to make tough decisions, but most of the time something good comes out of the hardest situations.

drtom4444
Sep 2, 2011, 01:20 PM
Remember that courts are bound by law to do what is best for the child no matter what. Any argument or action must be aimed at that theory. You must persuade the court that what you want is in the best interest of the child. DrTom4444