town98
Aug 20, 2011, 09:13 PM
I will try to make this long story short. My ex-girlfriend and I were together for one year. For years before we met she had planned on moving out of state, and was supposed to just a month after we met, but she didn't, I'm guessing to be with me. Ever since day one, our relationship was amazing, and we became so close and had such a strong connection. Just three months after we met, she told me that I am her best friend, the one for her, and she wants to marry me, even though she never really wanted a boyfriend before and didn't believe in marriage before me. A few months later she moved in with me, and we planned on living together and her staying until I graduate and we both move out of state together.
Close to the end of our year together, she started to become distant. She then told me that she couldn't wait 7 more months for me to graduate college, and needed to move out of state as soon as possible. She assured me that she believed we would make it through the long distance relationship and that when I graduate she would want me to move in with her and we would continue on together. I became insecure, and did not handle her moving early at all. I was worried she was moving because she didn't want to be with me anymore. We started getting into fights every few weeks, ending in one really big fight. After that fight she stayed with a friend for a few weeks. She came back, telling me that she loves me and wants to work things out, but she is leaving in a week, and we could use time apart to focus on our own things for a while, and she didn't want to be broken up during our time apart.
Our last week together, it really felt like she was still in love with me. I told her when she left, to just be honest with me, to tell me if her feelings change, just don't lead me on or string me along. After she left, we talked every few days and she continued to tell me she loves me, but it just felt different to me. One night she called me late and drunk, told me that she can't lie to me, we aren't together right now, but she loves me so much and misses me, and I am her best friend. A few days later I called her and asked her how she felt, and all she would say is that she loves me and would like to be together again, but we don't know what is going to happen and I shouldn't worry about it, that I have other things to focus on.
For a few more months after that, she continued to call me every week to say hi and chit chat, and would tell me she loves me. One day she called me drunk, and told me that she hopes she isn't leading me on, she loves me and always will and I am her best friend, but doesn't know what is going to happen with us. She said she went on a date, and I should date other people as well and not wait around for her. It felt like she was trying to say that she loves me, but is not in love with me and just wants to be friends. I called her a few days later and told her so, and that if that's the case, to just tell me and she won't lose me as a friend. Her reply was that I was thinking too much, she was drunk and people say weird things when they are drunk and she loves me and would like to be together again, but we don't know what will happen, we need this time apart, and she doesn't know what she wants right now. I believe honesty comes out when someone is drunk. I told her once again, to just be honest with me and not lead me on.
After that, she continued to call every week. Half the calls were sober, half were drunk dials. Every drunk dial she would tell me she loves me so much and misses me, that I have to come visit her, and that she wishes I were there right now. She also began texting me pictures of herself (nothing sexual, just the type of pictures someone would put on Facebook or something), sometimes sober and sometimes drunk. The sober calls felt different, like she was obligated to call me and say hi and I love you. Something happened to her, and I knew she was really down physically, mentally, and emotionally. I had graduated by this time, and offered to take some days off from work to visit her and be there for her, and take care of her. She said that she really does love me but it is not a good idea, she couldn't handle it right then. In the same conversation she said that she wished I was there right then, but don't come, its not a good idea...
A few weeks later, I couldn't take this back and forth, I needed the truth. I decided to visit her without telling her. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe it was too soon, maybe it was just a bad idea all around. My thought was that if she really did love me and want me to visit her like she kept telling me, it would be a good, romantic surprise. If she was leading me on, I could finally get the truth from her face to face without her dodging the subject. She wasn't happy to see me, but she wasn't mad either, at least she didn't act mad. Each night I was there we had sex and she continued to say she loves me before bed, but it was awkward besides that. Before I left to go home, I asked her again what was going on, and how she felt. She gave the same response as always. I asked her to stop avoiding the subject, and be honest with me. She said maybe its time for me to let go and move on, and that she doesn't think we are right for each other and she doesn't have those feelings for me anymore. She said that she hadn't told me before because she didn't want to hurt me. She walked me to my cab, hugged me and kissed me on the lips and told me that next time we visit each other it will be better, and that she loves me...
A few weeks after I returned home I sent her a letter telling her how confused and hurt I was. If she didn't love me, why text me pictures of herself and call each week, say she loves me, and wishes I was there with her and need to visit. Maybe my unannounced visit screwed things up, but if she loved me, how would my visit ruin anything? Before getting my letter, she sent me a text that included "XOXO". We talked after she got my letter, and she acted like she was doing nothing wrong, and she felt that nothing she had been doing or saying was leading me on. In the same conversation she went back and forth between saying that my showing up without telling her showed her I didn't understand our need for time apart and so we aren't right for each other, and also saying that she didn't have the same feelings for me for a while but didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about it. The next day she texted me saying that she loves me and always will, that she wants me to be a part of her life, that she never wanted to hurt me, and that I mean a lot to her, but if it is going to be like this we may need a clean break. I told her that I sent the letter to tell her how I felt, and that I am even more confused than before, nothing adds up. She replied that she is confused too.
Three weeks after that, she texted me late at night, possibly drunk, asking how things were and she wanted to say hi because we hadn't talked in a while. During the texting conversation, she said that she misses me, and asked if I had been on any dates. She later said she will let me get to sleep, and immediately after sent a text saying "<3 you". She kept saying "lets talk soon" and even said "goodnight darling". The next week I called her, but she didn't answer. When she did call back later that night, she said she couldn't really talk, but I should call her that weekend and we can talk more. I called back that weekend, and she never answered and still hasn't called back a week later.
After telling me she doesn't love me like that anymore and we aren't right for each other, why is she texting things like "xoxo", "<3 you" "goodnight darling". Why does she continue to say she loves me. Nothing adds up, nothing from this entire time since she left, nothing since she told me its over. Is there something I am missing? Was she maybe not leading me on? I am just so confused over everything.
Close to the end of our year together, she started to become distant. She then told me that she couldn't wait 7 more months for me to graduate college, and needed to move out of state as soon as possible. She assured me that she believed we would make it through the long distance relationship and that when I graduate she would want me to move in with her and we would continue on together. I became insecure, and did not handle her moving early at all. I was worried she was moving because she didn't want to be with me anymore. We started getting into fights every few weeks, ending in one really big fight. After that fight she stayed with a friend for a few weeks. She came back, telling me that she loves me and wants to work things out, but she is leaving in a week, and we could use time apart to focus on our own things for a while, and she didn't want to be broken up during our time apart.
Our last week together, it really felt like she was still in love with me. I told her when she left, to just be honest with me, to tell me if her feelings change, just don't lead me on or string me along. After she left, we talked every few days and she continued to tell me she loves me, but it just felt different to me. One night she called me late and drunk, told me that she can't lie to me, we aren't together right now, but she loves me so much and misses me, and I am her best friend. A few days later I called her and asked her how she felt, and all she would say is that she loves me and would like to be together again, but we don't know what is going to happen and I shouldn't worry about it, that I have other things to focus on.
For a few more months after that, she continued to call me every week to say hi and chit chat, and would tell me she loves me. One day she called me drunk, and told me that she hopes she isn't leading me on, she loves me and always will and I am her best friend, but doesn't know what is going to happen with us. She said she went on a date, and I should date other people as well and not wait around for her. It felt like she was trying to say that she loves me, but is not in love with me and just wants to be friends. I called her a few days later and told her so, and that if that's the case, to just tell me and she won't lose me as a friend. Her reply was that I was thinking too much, she was drunk and people say weird things when they are drunk and she loves me and would like to be together again, but we don't know what will happen, we need this time apart, and she doesn't know what she wants right now. I believe honesty comes out when someone is drunk. I told her once again, to just be honest with me and not lead me on.
After that, she continued to call every week. Half the calls were sober, half were drunk dials. Every drunk dial she would tell me she loves me so much and misses me, that I have to come visit her, and that she wishes I were there right now. She also began texting me pictures of herself (nothing sexual, just the type of pictures someone would put on Facebook or something), sometimes sober and sometimes drunk. The sober calls felt different, like she was obligated to call me and say hi and I love you. Something happened to her, and I knew she was really down physically, mentally, and emotionally. I had graduated by this time, and offered to take some days off from work to visit her and be there for her, and take care of her. She said that she really does love me but it is not a good idea, she couldn't handle it right then. In the same conversation she said that she wished I was there right then, but don't come, its not a good idea...
A few weeks later, I couldn't take this back and forth, I needed the truth. I decided to visit her without telling her. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe it was too soon, maybe it was just a bad idea all around. My thought was that if she really did love me and want me to visit her like she kept telling me, it would be a good, romantic surprise. If she was leading me on, I could finally get the truth from her face to face without her dodging the subject. She wasn't happy to see me, but she wasn't mad either, at least she didn't act mad. Each night I was there we had sex and she continued to say she loves me before bed, but it was awkward besides that. Before I left to go home, I asked her again what was going on, and how she felt. She gave the same response as always. I asked her to stop avoiding the subject, and be honest with me. She said maybe its time for me to let go and move on, and that she doesn't think we are right for each other and she doesn't have those feelings for me anymore. She said that she hadn't told me before because she didn't want to hurt me. She walked me to my cab, hugged me and kissed me on the lips and told me that next time we visit each other it will be better, and that she loves me...
A few weeks after I returned home I sent her a letter telling her how confused and hurt I was. If she didn't love me, why text me pictures of herself and call each week, say she loves me, and wishes I was there with her and need to visit. Maybe my unannounced visit screwed things up, but if she loved me, how would my visit ruin anything? Before getting my letter, she sent me a text that included "XOXO". We talked after she got my letter, and she acted like she was doing nothing wrong, and she felt that nothing she had been doing or saying was leading me on. In the same conversation she went back and forth between saying that my showing up without telling her showed her I didn't understand our need for time apart and so we aren't right for each other, and also saying that she didn't have the same feelings for me for a while but didn't tell me because she didn't want to hurt me. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about it. The next day she texted me saying that she loves me and always will, that she wants me to be a part of her life, that she never wanted to hurt me, and that I mean a lot to her, but if it is going to be like this we may need a clean break. I told her that I sent the letter to tell her how I felt, and that I am even more confused than before, nothing adds up. She replied that she is confused too.
Three weeks after that, she texted me late at night, possibly drunk, asking how things were and she wanted to say hi because we hadn't talked in a while. During the texting conversation, she said that she misses me, and asked if I had been on any dates. She later said she will let me get to sleep, and immediately after sent a text saying "<3 you". She kept saying "lets talk soon" and even said "goodnight darling". The next week I called her, but she didn't answer. When she did call back later that night, she said she couldn't really talk, but I should call her that weekend and we can talk more. I called back that weekend, and she never answered and still hasn't called back a week later.
After telling me she doesn't love me like that anymore and we aren't right for each other, why is she texting things like "xoxo", "<3 you" "goodnight darling". Why does she continue to say she loves me. Nothing adds up, nothing from this entire time since she left, nothing since she told me its over. Is there something I am missing? Was she maybe not leading me on? I am just so confused over everything.