I became good friends (I thought) with a guy at work. We would talk about personal stuff at and outside of work, on the phone, etc. In one of our conversations he told me he knew I'd had a crush on him (to which I'd said it was closer to love, but it wasn't anything I wanted to pursue, because I knew he was straight). He seemed okay with this, until he came to a party with my family and I'd told him some from my family thought we were a couple, and I jokingly said it wouldn't bother me if we were (yes, I know, stupid thing to say).

For over a month after he avoided me at work, wouldn't call me, and when I would call him to try to find out what was going on he wouldn't talk to me. After a couple more weeks of this I confronted him about this and he said we were okay, and still friends. We were at work so I didn't press for more information, but still he didn't change how he acted towards me. He called me one last time (at my request), and got pissed at me when I asked him what was going on, he wouldn't explain, insisted we were still friends. He said he didn't have the time he used to (which didn't make sense to me since he was always seemed to find time to socialize with other people at work). It didn't seem like it to me and I said as much, because he was still avoiding me. He said I sounded like a jealous girlfriend or boyfriend, and at the time I rejected the statement but I wondered about it later. Was he right?

His birthday came a couple days after this last conversation / argument, but I didn't call or text him, because I was feeling a little self conscious about being overly friendly, and didn't think he wanted to hear from me again for a while. Next time I saw him I could tell he was still pissed, but I blew it off. The ignoring continued, but I wasn't letting it affect my other work interactions anymore - laughing and joking with other colleagues.

A week later, and we're speaking to each other at work, a mixture of personal stuff and work issues, but only in passing.

It's been a month, he'll still take lunch and breaks with other people, and it's clear I'm excluded. I'm sure if I'd ask him he'd say we were still friends though. Don't know if this is the new normal for us, or if we're 'on the mend, don't know, because he still won't talk to me about it. Maybe I've answered my own question here, if this was important to him he would want to talk it out.

Any thoughts? Tired of being in friend limbo.

My guess is he's uncomfortable about the whole situation. The fact that some in your family assumed he was gay because he was with you probably made it worse for him. He is likely uneasy with the idea in his head that being seen with you that some people will assume he's gay. It was probably already a little difficult when he found out you had feelings for him but then the rest of this just pushed it further than he was willing to deal with.

Stop pushing, give it time, and maybe he will come back around. If not, oh well... move on. That's all you can do.

Thanks for the prompt answer. This also meshes with what another friend and family member have told me and it makes sense.

Time will tell. Will post again with updates, give me a few months please.

"Stop pushing, give it time, and maybe he will come back around. If not, oh well...move on. That's all you can do."

Yep, this is what I'm doing - moving on.

It's not that I don't believe him when he says he still wants to be friends, but in the end I don't think he can make that journey.

I've noticed a very pronounced difference in his demeanor when greeting his friends at work and me. He just doesn't have it in him and I think he's figured it out as well. So tired of assuming we're friends (because he says so), exchanging texts and the odd (rare) phone call, but then have him virtually ignore me at work.

On a recent Saturday I'd rented a car that I'm considering purchasing.

I drove it to work in order to take it along the same route to get a feel how it handled on familiar roads. I stopped inside because I noticed my friend was still at work (he'd expressed quite a bit of interest in the brand so thought he'd like to check it out), he was not expecting to see me, but the look on his face when I showed up spoke volumes ( oh great, it's you ). I was taken aback, but I ignored his reaction and told the two other nearby coworkers in the office about the car. My friend only went outside to see the car only after the other two people in the office left him alone to check it out. He acted distrustful and cold towards me the whole time we were outside. What a mistake!

It's time I forgave myself and my ex-friend for it not working out. Going to do one last thing for my friend, letting him go.