My husband said he loves me but doesn't respect me therefore doesn't want to live with me he asked me to file for divorce... I did everything to save our marriage through out the 7 years he has tried nothing to show me he cares he tells me he loves me and I can't let go of him... He stays out with buddies till 2am every night goes has his fun and comes home to sleep he claims he's fine with living like this until our son grows up ( we have a 4year old) His family doesn't like me and he's disrespected my family on many occasions in the past where I still took him back and wanted to work on the marriage we have been to marriage counseling nothing has helped us please help.
I filed for divorce three days ago and with a lot of heartache am very confused and scared. He blames me for reading texts and e-mails... This is because I didn't trust him. He goes to co-ed spas, nightclubs, Stays out till 2am drinking and thinks nothing is wrong. Yet this obviously is no ground for divorce right? I feel bad for my son. His family always says Im not materialistic and don't understand value of a brand name. ( this is a negative?) My family always says its all about materialism with them no heart and no soul. Him and I come from different backgrounds. The other day when I said I took you back after you completely this respected and kicked my parents out of our house 3 years ago and now you want a divorce over e-mails he said YES. If it's not this reason another will come up next year so lets just do it while our son is young.

You can't make someone love you and you can't hold on to someone who wants out. Don't beat yourself up over this as you have tried for 7 years with no success. Some men just don't know what marriage really is until they try it and some can't handle the responsibility of going home at a reasonable time. He may already have another gal in mind as wife #2 if he stays out till 2AM every night.

At least once the divorce is final you won't have to worry about if he's coming home or not.

Well, He swears there is no one in his life and he just wants a normal wife... whatever that means, one who cooks, cleans, watches the baby and doesn't nag. ( he considers nagging the fact that I ask him so when do you think you'll be home?) He considers nagging when I say There are 1000 spas out there why go to a co-ed one. He considers nagging when I say that you always make plans with your buddies never us.
He is I think that everyone believing he is too immature and wasn't ready for marriage, his family wanted us to live with them at the beginning I didn't he still brings that up during arguments.

He definitely has a bad case of immature and his folks must know this otherwise they would not have wanted you two to live with them.

Do you want to stop nagging and try to save this pathetic excuse of a marriage? If yes, then do not ask him when he's coming home and see if he even notices this or not. Also, does he hang around macho types who demean their wives? That could also be a huge contributing factor in how he acts. Right now you are essentially a place to eat and a place to sleep with the bonus of someone doing his laundry and making sure bills are paid.

Does this guy have a for real job he has to be at in the morning or does he go to school or just live off mom and pop?

How old is this guy anyway? Also, how does his father treat his mother? Is she a stay at home clean freak who stays in the background groveling to her husband?

Well, he has 2 family businesses, basically one is an office type with his family and the other a eatery with his family... He manages both at his convinience he claims he's at the eatery when he comes late but then Id call him around 11ish and he would be a buddies house.
Yes he does have friends who don't care for what their wives say and his mother was the same. But the difference is his father would screw around then throw a diamond in moms face and she would shut up Im not materialistic. All the men at work are even advising me to leave him. He has the mentality that if I have a kid no one will ever look at me again.

He's 30, has an older sister never married. He was the one who was after me when I didn't care for him for 3 years before marriage once we got married everything changed it was like OK now you are my property I can go hang out with my single buddies again.

Family owned biz means he can get away with working when he feels like it. Now had he had a for real job that he has to show up at he'd have been fired a long time ago.

Sounds like spoiled Little Lord Fauntleroy has a lot of growing up to do.

Have you consulted with an attorney about this yet? Sorry, I re-read your original post and you DID file! Hooray for you! YOu need to do this while you are still in control of the situation (you are believe it or not in control, not him right now). Don't leave the marital home under any circumstances if you two own it jointly as you could forefeit your control over what happens to the home.

Get a divorce, child support and the home if possible awarded to you.

You need to take the previous tax returns filed jointly with him and make copies and keep them in a safe place outside of your home say with your parents as he will definitely try to make a hell of a lot less in the future seeing as it's a family owned biz where they can pay him off the books, etc. and get away with it so he doesn't have to pay you the proper child support owed.

He will never grow up. I've seen those types of guys before and believe me, they don't grow up, they just become worse and worse. Pretty soon he's going to start bouncing you off the walls as you keep nagging him. I've seen that before as well. Get him now while he's relatively "new" to this abuse stuff.

Mama's little darling can do no wrong so don't bother talking about this to his folks as they won't hear you.

The Family Condo originally purchased was sold to a friend of ours but we still live there, we bought it at a terrible time where prices were way too high so we short sold to a friend. He will not leave the house as his mother probably told him not to since they put in a 50k down paymnt.
He said "I can live like this no prob, while our son is still young" he even comes in at 2am and lays next to me --- going to sleep" I asked him if he has no pride he says nope and goes to sleep. He is driving me up the wall. I don't want that condo because Ill be psychologically going crazy with everything reminding me of the 7 year marriage he said if you don't want to live like this there is the door.
My parents live out of state and he will not allow me to take my child out of state with me. Plus I don't want my son to suffer not seeing his father. He told me Ill pay for your rent and daycare the rest you are on your own. He makes 3 times as much as I do yet only shows that he makes about 2k more than I do. ( Family business) not under his name. All under sister and dad. My attorney ( yes I signed papers tuesday) said that he can get him out of the house he I want but honestly I will go crazy in that house and can't sell it anyway because its under his buddies name now.
He wants Joint Custody I want full he will probably drive me up the wall with that as well... hire an attorney and knowing I can't afford to fight so much completely put me in debt. ( he already stopped paying on my cc 4 months ago claiming will get a debt consolidation) he set me up preety well.

Last night I made dinner and dumb me offered he completely ignored me jumped in the shower and went to sleep.

How big of him to pay rent and daycare! What a champ! He DOES have to pay child support even with shared custody.

Can you prove how much he really makes?

If so, give info to your attorney asap.

He will end up paying a lot more than rent and child care in the end if you can prove just how much he makes.

Have your attorney get a hearing for Temporary Support and Custody and also serve him with Financial Interrogatories AND Request for Production of Documents showing how much he makes.

If he gets an attorney chances are this will be a knock down drag it out proceeding. I've seen such suits like this when I was a paralegal in several different family law attorney's offices in Florida and Ohio.


Skip the condo then if you don't want to live there. Just as well.

Try to be as quiet as a mouse around him so as not to rile him into any kind of a brawl situation as you know you will lose physically.

Has he ever hit you with a fist or open hand? If so, then you COULD seek a temporary restraining order keeping him away from you and your son should you move out of the home. Keep that in mind.

I loved his debt consolidation scam. That's okay as if you have a good attorney that CAN be fixed, don't despair on this.

Has he been served with the divorce papers yet?

I know you don't want shared custody but if you don't go along with that scenerio I forsee him giving you a very rough road to hoe in the future over this. Men's egos are extremely fragile during any divorce proceeding even if they don't care about the child except to brag to his buddies he's got shared custody. It's not set in stone but is a pain in the behind shuttling the kid around to each others residences for so many days a week, etc. He'll find it's more like "work" and sooner or later stop showing up for his visits to take sonny to be with him. AND he just can't take sonny along to his buddies' parties, hanging out, etc. where ever he goes at 12 and 1AM as the kid is supposed to be home in bed asleep at those times. This is where you can go back to court and get full custody as I don't see him staying home and playing daddy. He'll probably dump sonny off for mom and dad to take care of (I've seen this scenerio too many times).

My attorney just got the court papers today so he will be served Monday. We are going to go into the custody battle I just know it.
I can't really prove that he makes more it's a family bus. Everythign under the table. He only raised his hand on me once when we were separated a few years ago. Plus I don't really want my son to be tramatized.
Can you believe I still cry over this marriage? Why is it I feel this way I don't know I was actually hoping for advice on reconciliation turns out you are telling me like every one around me I can't hold on to this anylonger I need to run!!
Its very unfortunate that I can't get over this and am so weak!

What if I wanted to get out of state is that very difficult?

He CAN make your life hell to leave the state if he wishes to right now and later after the divorce as well but it CAN be done.

Seems like you're having the typical "divorce blues" over this marriage. Quite common as you can't accept the fact the marriage was a failure and feel you are to blame for it. You must remember it takes TWO to make a marriage and he's just not into it and never will be with you OR anyone else as he can't grow up and face reality (thank you mom and dad for ruining your son).

Ever hear of Joyce Meyer? She has a good audio book out about not having to keep getting everyone else's approval on things. You could download this if your local library has a website and you have a library card. She is a very level headed preacher who straightened ME out when I needed it most (won't go into that right now) but suffice it to say that this book will do you a lot of good. I'll look for the audio book's title .

http://emedia.clevnet.org/CD39873E-389E-4717-878D-72E5F619FD93/10/241/en/ContentDetails.htm?ID=1C44B1CA-5214-408B-AFD1-3B7DF76D6CC5

This is the link for it on CLEVNET the Cleveland Public Library downloadable audio books, ebooks, etc. Let me know if you'd like to download it and I'll tell you how you can for free.

So there is no hope in this marriage, I get that but what if he starts dating again and that woman starts mis treating my son, I think that this is one of my major fears along with finance.

That's the chance you have to take with anything in life there is no guarantee she would treat him badly.

My soon to be Ex will receive his paperwork today Im really scared as to how he will react I claimed his businesses as community property as well. I gave him one night with Son every week and every other weekends leaving Saturday morning coming back Sunday night. Yet I still think he is going to go crazy. How should I react to him?

Are you planning on moving elsewhere after he is served or do you intend on staying in the condo? If you plan on staying I would suggest you keep your cell phone handy to call 911 when he explodes (as he will) and possibly hurts you. If he does strike you, definitely call the police and press charges. Don't prod or entice him however as that will just make him explode all over you. He is very immature and will not accept your total rejection of him as being HIS fault and will lash out at you.

Don't ignore him but tell him to contact your attorney and bit%ch at him instead.

If your attorney feels you are in danger by staying there, by all means leave and live elsewhere taking your son with you.

I think that he is smarter than that to hurt me phisically I think that he will get an attorney himself and try to fight me until we are both broke.
Im not sure if he will actually talk to me about it or not, he will definilty get some good advice from mom and pop. "don't do anyhting honey she's crazy" kind of thing. Im really nervous about what is ahead and if I will get full custody or not.

You are underestimating him. Don't be anywhere near him once he is served.

Well, he is getting served at work today so we'll see once he gets served of the reaction. I think that he is going to look thorough everything and then have problems that I listed the family bus. In there.
I had to otherwise I can never be sure that he will continue paying my rent once we move on this is what he says now but a year later... I just needed to be covered. Both for me and my son.
Im really afraid of the reaction not that he might hit me but that he might take me to court to fight me to the bone. His entire support system is here mom dad sister uncle I don't have anyone.except a few friends. My parents live out of state.

Supposedley his father doesn't know anything and they work together so this is going to be an issue of his frustration there too since his father is to find out this way. Mom and Sister have a plan to break us up since day one. Which in the long run is better for me I think. Since you as everyonelse states that he is emotionally abusive. Ive been living in this for 7 years I don't know otherwise.

Do you have somewhere else to go or do you intend on staying there in the condo when he comes storming home? He's really going to be angry that you included the company as marital property.

Well, My son has swim class today and he usually picks up my son before class takes him out to eat and I meet them there with swim trunks and towls.( at the swim class) so we will be seeing each other at the swim class. I don't think he will be starting anything in a public place.
Also he always lets me know when he pics up our son by text or a phone call.
I will call my attorney in a little bit to find out if they served him. Im afraid of the outcome

He came to swim class last night taking pictures of our son in the pool he is constantly acting like he is this perfect dad and that he spends time with his son all the time My son woke up this morning wanting to play I said that we are going to be late ( him to daycare me to work) he has the nerve to tell my son that he will take him and my son can play a little longer... I mean obviously my kid was going to want to stay.
This is really getting out of hand. He doesn't turn the lights off when he goes to sleep, thinking that since I pay for our light bill I should get up from sleep and do it.
Im sooo hurt, he is to get served today the server attempted to serve him yesterday yet he wasn't at the office ( supposedly)

Ok, so he was served, he came home asking me what is this? You want a piece of the corporation? I said all I want is for my son to be secure, if it weren't for my child I would move.
He said you think if its not on paper he won't be secure? I said nope.
Anyway I said the living situation needs to be changed, I can move out you can move out or I can move out of state he said I will consult with my attorney as well.
So now here is my question the corporation he and his family owns is a non-profit. Does that effect me?
This is their bread winner.

I am wondering if this thread needs to be moved to the legal boards?

How do I move the thread?

Ok, so he was served, he came home asking me what is this? You want a piece of the corporation? I said all I want is for my son to be secure, if it weren't for my child I would move.
He said you think if its not on paper he won't be secure? I said nope.
Anyway I said the living situation needs to be changed, I can move out you can move out or I can move out of state he said I will consult with my attorney as well.
So now here is my question the corporation he and his family owns is a non-profit. Does that effect me? Will I have a right to interest?
This is their bread winner.

Hmm...
Generally non-profit organizations do not have private owners. They have controlling members or boards, but these people cannot sell their shares to others or personally benefit in any taxable way.

Well, His father is the Officer and he is VP they do things under the table sometimes but I want to know my rights.

An organization that is established as a non-profit does not have owners in the conventional sense.

While the organization may in fact make money in any number of ways, on investments, business ventures, donations, etc. and pay salaries and other expenses as needed, all of it's 'earnings" are employed (or spent) to further the NPO goals. No dividends are paid and the stock is not traded. Owners, (again a hard term to use), do not get anything.

If they did, then by definition, it wouldn't be a non profit!

OK-let's see... if I was married to Helen Alderson , Director of Financial Resources and Logistics of the International Committee of the Red Cross, and I got divorce, will I have a right to interest in the Red Cross?

...
So now here is my question the corporation he and his family owns is a non-profit. Does that effect me? Will I have a right to interest?
This is their bread winner.

It appears that his family have been playing fast and loose with the non-profit concept.

As GV70 said, a NPC wouldn't be owned. If it is a for-profit venture in a non-profit form, your attorney should engage in sufficient discovery to determine what's going on and how much the assets of the company are worth. Then, depending on what facts are developed, you might ask for a large share of the value of those assets.

The IRS, and the state tax authority should be interested in all of this.

If you can prove that the money is being done illegally from the corporation and they are not doing it properly it is possible that it may not be protected in a divorce.

You need to get a divorce attorney and move and get on with your life, the child life and the divorce

So technically they can hide everything... hmmm. Do I have any rights? Without getting them in trouble with IRS?

:cool:

Do I have any rights?
If we are talking about a non-profit corporation-the answer is NO.

Ok, lets take the following scenario. An organization exists to help homeless people find shelter, jobs, etc. This organization gets income from government sources, donations etc. Most of the income is used to help the homeless. However, the organization employs people to manage these programs and pats them a salary. That's fine. This could even be considered a family "business".

But if they are using NPC status and not using their income properly, then they are flouting the law.

You do have rights to his salary and marital assets, but not to the NPC's assets.

Moved because the op needs legal advice about her divorce instead of marital advice.


How do I move the thread?

Done. Be prepared for more questions and give them what information you can.

I hope you have a good lawyer.

Good luck to you and your child.

Thread has a place of its own.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/non-profit-organization-divorce-592123.html

All responses to the coperation question need to go here.

If you can prove that the money is being done illegally from the corporation and they are not doing it properly it is possible that it may not be protected in a divorce.


Probably not.
The money will be taxed but will remain "Non-profit"
Example from Children at Risk Org. We earn profit from unrelated activities,but it is taxable as normal business income.And that's all.The rest remain non-profit assets.

Well it's a drug and Alcohol awareness center, where there are employed counselors but they bill to medical and they get their salaries through the provider... If you get a DUI you can go there for counseling and pay for the service. Cash/Medical. But over all it's a non-profit.

...
You do have rights to his salary and marital assets, but not to the NPC's assets.

Unless it can be established that the NPC is a sham, and that it's really just a cover to hide the property of the husband and his family.

I know Im doing the right thing thank you for all the advice and input Thank you for the support but please let me know if Im going crazy I have been crying myself to sleep every night for the past 3 days I have been having nightmares about this divorce, am I going crazy. My heart is aching wondering what happened to 7 years.

Thank you for the advice I will let my attorney try to figure out the best solution. I don't want him to be in trouble with IRS just what's fair for my family ( My SON and me)

Thank you for the advice I will let my attorney try to figure out the best solution. I don't wnat him to be in trouble with IRS just whats fair for my family ( My SON and me)

If you let him continue like this and it is found out that he and his family are essentially crooks, then you will be guilty of aiding and abeting this criminal enterprise misusing public funds. Why NOT turn him and his family into the IRS? They are such nasty, creepy, spoiled rotten people and actually deserve none of their illgotten gains. They sound like they are happily helping themselves to money that they are not legitimately earning. The paid under the table is one glaring example.

You seem so reluctant to have them open to any kind of public inspection or scrutiny. Stop protecting them, they certainly are against you and your child.

Before you start thinking about turning him in to the IRS, you need to know exactly what is going on. I'm not in the least convinced that there is something shady going on. I think you don't really know the details about the organization your husband works for and you need to understand it better before you do anything else.

I know Im doing the right thing thank you for all the advice and input Thank you for the support but please let me know if Im going crazy I have been crying myself to sleep every night for the past 3 days I have been having nightmares about this divorce, am I going crazy. My heart is aching wondering what happened to 7 years.
I will find out everything the TRUTH in regards to the business.

Divorce is a traumatic circumstance. No you aren't going crazy, but it might help if you think about some counseling.

My husband wants split custody just to hurt me, he I gave him an option of every other weekend and one night every week during the week, I am also not wanting him to be away from our 4year old son, I want him at all activities that our child may have. He says he wants 3 extra nights during the weeks he doesn't have our son over a weekend. Is this possible he said he will fight me.

So technically they can hide everything.... hmmm. Do I have any rights? without getting them in trouble with IRS?Hello C:

Technically, they are violating the law... However, it appears that the corporation is NOT non profit, and you ARE entitled to a share. I understand that you don't want to snitch them off. But, you're a victim here. They're ripping YOU and YOUR SON off. I don't know WHY you want them to get away with it.

excon

PS> Have you ever heard the refrain, "keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer"? This is exactly WHY.

My husband wants split custody just to hurt me, he I gave him an option of every other weekend and one night every week during the week, I am also not wanting him to be away from our 4year old son, I want him at all activities that our child may have. He says he wants 3 extra nights during the weeks he doesn't have our son over a weekend. Is this possible he said he will fight me.
He knows Im not as financially capable as he is ( he makes 3 times as much as I do) I told him that its going to traumatize our child to be here one day there another... He is unreasonable... Mind you, for the past 4 years my Son has only been away from for a week all together. I am always primary

... I am also not wanting him to be away from our 4year old son, I want him at all activities that our child may have. ...
You can agree that your soon-to-be ex-husband will have specific visitation, but you can't force him to exercise it.



... He says he wants 3 extra nights during the weeks he doesn't have our son over a weekend. Is this possible ...
Sure. If the two of you agree to it that is likely what the judge will order.


... he said he will fight me.
He knows Im not as financially capable as he is ( he makes 3 times as much as I do) ...

In some states you can ask the court to order him to pay some of all of your attorney fees. Look into it.

I live in CA, My attorney has asked for him to pay my fees, he will not agree to it. I do not want my son away from me 3 out of 7 nights just because, he hasn't been there for him at night anyway.

Please understand, your ex is very, very likely unless there is a reason not to. Get Joint custody, if he makes a motion for it.

You have child one week, he has child the next week, and holidays are done or exchanged each year, one has christmas this year, the other the next and so on.

Joint custody is very very common, esp in California.

And to be honest it is only fair, since the child is his also.
And so after perhaps a short time frame for child to get used to dad, the child will get used to being there, and dad will get used to being a full parent during his week.

There is no reason listed why father could not get that if he wanted it.

In fact, some fathers even get primary custody, when I was divorced I got custody of my child, and mother only had visits.

The major problem with this is he's just doing this to hurt me, Even now that we still live under one roof he leaves as soon as my child is sleeping. He goes out with buddies I put my son to sleep 98% of the time only when he is home my son will say can Dad tuck me in which is very rare that he is home at all.
I don't think that Im being unreasonable about every other weekend and once every week ( these are only overnights) I don't mind him spending all the time he wants with our son, of course I want my son to have his dad in his life. But, I DON'T want him to be dumped on Grandma while dad goes out with buddies when he can be with his own mom who took care of him for 4 years ( my son is 4) My attorney said that I am being reasonable and with my husbands history of leaving my son with me while he goes out this is bound to happen him leaving my son with grandma and heading out.

... My attorney has asked for him to pay my fees, he will not agree to it. ...


The major problem with this is he's just doing this to hurt me...
I don't think that Im being unreasonable ...

Ok, so if he won't negotiate in good faith, take it to trial and tell the judge what you are telling us.

Trying to negotiate only goes so far. There comes a time to stop wasting time at the negotiating table and take it up with the judge.

I've merged your threads since they all relate. Please don't start a new thread over the same issue. Any future followups should be posted as a Reply/Answer to this thread.

He told me that if you believe that I was around at least 20% of the time then lets do an 80/20 custody who knows what that is in CA?

Hello again, Confused:

80/20 sounds like an ordinary visitation agreement, where the father gets the child every other weekend, and one night a week. Plus every other holiday, and two weeks or more during the summer.

Or, something of that nature..

excon

Well that is what I said is that you will get our son every other weekend sat morning 9am -sunday 8pm and every week you can have an overnighter on tuesdays from 5pm -wed. 8:30 am ( he will drop off at day care) he said I don't know what an 80 20 is and I should ask around because he wants at least two more nights during the weeks he doesn't have our four year old over the weekend. Which is just him hurting me because he is just going to have his mother watch my kid while he goes out with buddies anyway.

Hello again, C:

You've got to get off what HE does with HIS son when it's HIS time. If what he does puts your son in DANGER, then you have a right to complain... But, NOT because he lets Grandma babysit.

excon

But is what Im stating not correct as far as an 80/20 ? I can't just sit here knowing that my son is being used as a basketball bouncing back and forth just for the idea of his dad hurting me.

But is what Im stating not correct as far as an 80/20 ? I can't just sit here knowing that my son is being used as a basketball bouncing back and forth just for the idea of his dad hurting me.Hello again, C:

IF you can't abide the agreement, go to COURT. NOBODY wins in negotiated settlements.

I can't tell you if what I described is 80/20 because there is NO SUCH THING as 80/20 in the law. 80/20 is YOUR guys words. What I described is as CLOSE to what I think you think 80/20 means.

excon

But is what Im stating not correct as far as an 80/20 ? I can't just sit here knowing that my son is being used as a basketball bouncing back and forth just for the idea of his dad hurting me.

Quite frankly. With the attitude you keep pushing. When you get to mediation and your still having the same attitude then you won't have to worry about bouncing the child around as you will have no custody. You can't keep saying what he will do. You can't predict the future. And you can't keep saying he's doing it to hurt you. That's insane. So if you wish to follow those lines then the courts will see you as an unstable parent and your time with the child may end up supervised.

You need to stop trying to figure out how to keep the child from their father.

Even if he has 50/50 custody don't you think he's going to dump the kid off at grandma's instead of taking him with him when he sees his buddies? Wouldn't you rather have the kid at grandma's anyway? Dad is not going to magically grow up and spend quality time with sonny tucking him in bed, reading him a bedtime story. No. Grandma is going to do this for him.

I can't tell you how many little kids are being raised by their grandparents as the real parents can't handle this "chore". Why should your husband be any different? Wonder how many of his buddies have exwives and dump their kids at grandma's? Probably a lot.

Ok here is the latest he came home yesterday asking me if we can do the split custody on our own and without attorneys involved, then he said since I went through his e-mails I broke this family up and if I don't change by 360 degrees and start working my *** off for his trust he will never forgive me he also said that I have to beg for his forgiveness to consider this is this normal? Im so hurt and feel like crap he said I will give you till Friday to decide what I want to do.

If you two and agree to terms, ( and it is fairly obvious you can't) it is cheaper, you both agree, hire one attorney to write it up and file it with the court.

But the issue here is, he can do anything he wants, as long as it does not put the child in danger with the time he has as his custody time. That can include leaving them with grandma or auntie or a day care center. Will you not leave them at day care when you work??

You have ( and need to understand) no say in what he and his child does with their time together, if he wastes it, it wastes it.

He can most likely get 50 / 50 if he goes to court, and nothing you have said here is likely to effect that happening. Courts are getting very progressive in allowing fathers equal rights.