I know it is long but give it a try, please.

I have been seeing this man for about five months. I do like him very much indeed and we have a great time together but the point is that our relationship is rather complicated.

From what he told me, he was in a relationship with a woman for 5 years. After 3 years she got pregnant with his baby. He told me that their relationship was a disaster and it was merely about sex, no love or anything like that. But since she got pregnant, he stayed with her and tried to make it work even though all his friends and family kept persuading him to leave her because according to them, she was no good. I don't know her but he described her as a selfish woman who doesn't care about anyone else but herself.

They broke up after those 5 years when he got home one day and there was already another man with her. He said they broke up in August last year. So when I started up with him in April this year, I thought he could be over her after those 9 months. The thing that always bothered me was that he wasn't able to talk about her nicely, which leads me to the thought that he still isn't over her. Also he said that from August when they separated, they only talk about their kid and that there is nothing going on between the two of them.

Anytime I asked him if he was sure he was over her, he snapped at me that he hated her and she made him sick. That was weird enough. The last straw that broke camels back was when we went to the movies and he was taking out his wallet when a condom fell down from his pocket. I am on pill and we do not use condoms so it was a clear sign he must be seeing someone else too. I sneaked through his cell even though it is terrible but I needed to know.

Income and sent messages were erased - smart... but I found some texts that he exchanged with his ex in February this year when he apparently wanted to get back with her, said he still loved her, there was rather sexual content, he asked her if she was okay with the sex she has with her new boyfriend, she replied she wasn't and he offered to book a hotel room for the weekend and leave. First she agreed but then texted him she didn't want to cheat on her new guy so early, told him to find a new girlfriend and it all finished with her saying, “once you have a new girl, and you feel like cheating on her, let me know. We can start seeing each other again. But now I can't do it.".

What do you think I should do? I know the texts date back to when I didn't even know him, but it breaks my heart that he may not be over her. And also that he lied to me. He kept those texts for half a year while there was not a single text from me. I know it is not easy for a man to admit he was or still is heartbroken but I have no idea what to think about this.

PLEASE, POST ME SOME ADVICE, I will be grateful for anything. Thank you.


Edited/T

So many of these questions remind me of my own situation. The condom in his wallet. Did you freak out? Was it old? The fact that he snaps when you bring her up is an indication of something. You need proof and the fact that he is erasing all his texts is suspicious. I think I am dating a man just like him. Either that or all men are alike in that way. I guess I would need to know more. Look at his phone any time you can. If he is still with her make him choose. You or her. Men can't have their cake and eat it too.

Five months is still to soon to give a stranger your heart, and he is still a stranger no matter how well you have gotten along. 9 months may not be enough time to heal and move on from a failed relationship, with a child involved. Snooping is never a good thing, but his behavior is what made you suspicious, and now you have something to think about. At least you have been paying attention, and have learned certain facts that say he is not the one to invest your heart in, he may have another agenda with his ex, and he certainly is not telling you anything in that regard. (He is blowing smoke up your butt though.)

Now what you do about all this, is another matter. You can confront him and hear his side, and be on guard, and never quite trust him again for a long time. OR, you can keep your cards to yourself and back away from this guy, and let him wonder why you have changed your mind, and feelings. Just me, I would dump this guy and keep him out of my life, and not drag this suspicions out any further.

After you catch a liar in a lie, they generally lie more to cover things up, and he will cover his trail a lot better after he is discovered.

Follow up on your own feelings, and resolve this to YOUR satisfaction, and keep your dignity, and self respect. Doesn't matter what his issues, and agenda are though, all that matters is how you handle YOURSELF, and what you know.

Messages dating back to feb is a little old, not to forget that you are with him only from April. But I donot see any good intention in his message when he knows that his ex has a boyfriend. I suggest, do not nag him more about his girlfriend and donot confront him often about his girlfriend unless you have a solid proof. And once you have something solid, do not let him cover it up with his lies. Meanwhile be on your guard. Do not loose your heart completely to him yet. He still is suspicious.

Sounds like you kind of knew the deal when you got w/him.

Just thought that you were going to be the one.

Now the real baggage.

This guy never got his act together. But liked sleeping with you.
Told you what you wanted to hear, until he couldn't profess anymore.

Ya see, he wants her, can't have her. But in the meantime. Wants you & whoever.

That's what happens when you jump into relationships before you heal.

I wouldn't waste anymore time on him. If you do, you're going to lose.