I met this girl and I must admit things were going too fast. We already have sex two weeks in and we only officially boyfriend and girlfriend for two weeks. I know too much too fast crash and burn. I really like this girl but I think we have money issues. Most of the time we go out, I paid for it. A few times she pays but only her own shares but never offer to pay for me. She said she love me and everything but I don't feel it.

For instance, on my birthday she bought me a gift but then when we go for my bd dinner I had to pay for it as well and she didn't even offer to pay. From what she is saying, she doesn't like splitting 50/50. She likes her boyfriend to take the bigger share like 80/20. So I talked to her about it. She said she was only kidding and said she is willing to change if both of us are happy. But then a few days later she said we have different views and she is not sure how to deal with it. I try to text her and ask her to talk about it but so far no reply.

I think it must be something I said, I told her you said you love me but I fail to see it because action speakers louder than words. I feel that if she's considerate enough she should offer to pay once in a while instead let me pay every time. I've been down this road before and I won't do it again and I should stick to my gun. I shouldn't have move so quickly. The mind and the body doesn't work together sometimes. Should I just move on if things doesn't pan out?

Your girlfriend seems to be milking off you,she seems to be using sex and things as a weapon against you.She must think that if she gives you everything you want so soon then you'll do your "fair share" and pay for things.if I was you I would get out of that.

If you keep on paying for her then she will expect it later on,obviously she's annoyed at you for not wanting to pay.if you carry on she will get more bitter and expect it all the time then you'll be stuck buying her clothes shoes bags and have no money for yourself.

Sadly that's how the dating world is now. Women expect the guys to pay for every date otherwise you're labeled as being cheap. My ex gave me the same advice lol. I haven't been dating for a long time but I don't think this is how it is supposed to be. She replied now and said she doesn't have time and is busy these days. Just last week she said she would change her life for me lol.

What you thought the sex was free?? That was dumb.

At two weeks in, I'd expect you to pay too. I didn't pay for a date for three months when I started seeing my husband. You two have a lot of confusion here. Its only been two weeks. Are you still in the dating phase or are you in a relationship? You have jumped into bed with each other without defining your expectations or what is acceptable. Slow waaaayyyy down, and actually get to know her and what her values are. Find out if they are compatible with yours. And, its only been two weeks. Walk away if you have to. Its too early for you to be discussing a love relationship with a person you barely know.

I dated her for two months but only become an item for two weeks. I need to take things slower but she is very needy and jealous. She got the need for my call and attention all the time. She wants to see me everyday. Some time I am tired and just want to relax but she want me to see her and drive her around to do her things. I think I start to become a doormat.

Make some changes so you aren't doormat for a needy chick.

I did. That is why I am in the dog house now lol. But I think if she is making time for me it should just be us doing ours things and not me doing her chores because she didn't have time to do them. Her ego is bruised after I explained to her.

If you are unhappy leave the relationship. You two are not on the same page.

Time to cut your losses and run. You two obviously have different ideas about dating. This won't change. She won't change. You shouldn't have to change either. So find someone that you don't need to change.

As for the paying when you go out. It used to be customary for the guy to pay the bill. At least back when I was dating, which really wasn't that long ago. Only 21 years. OMG! 21 years! :(

For the next girlfriend talk about this before you start to seriously date. Let her know that you don't have enough money to pay for her and yourself every time you go out. Maybe suggest that dates should be split 50/50, she pays for herself, you pay for yourself.

The economy is tough right now. I'm lucky if I get McDonalds once a month. That's a date night for me, and both my husband and I work full time. No one should expect someone to dish out money every time you go out, especially in the early dating stage when you go out more often.

Good luck.

Hey I don't mind paying more I am not a big fan of 50/50. But I just don't like to pay every time. If we were to go out every day I'll broke. I don't like to tell them let split the bill it doesn't sound attractive. Most of the considerate one will offer anyway so I can weed out the bad one.

I met this girl and I must admit things were going too fast. We already have sex two weeks in and we only officially bf and gf for two weeks. I know too much too fast crash and burn.

You said it best! So now you see why it is good to take things slow and learn about each other. That why dating is a good thing.

How do u control your urges when two people are being affectionate? The big head and small head don't work together that is for sure.

I am doing nc now since she is being nice but said is busy and said will go for coffee one day if we both have time.

Your be surprise at what you can control even though it might be hard.

And your on the right track.

Whatever happens with this girl (it looks like it isn't going to work out if you're doing NC), use this as a lesson that you will set your boundaries early on in the relationship.

If YOU are going to pay for dinner, then YOU invite her out to dinner. That way, you'll have control over when you pay for the dinners. If it's just a spur of the moment plan that you both decide you want to go out, then 50/50. If she invites you, she pays.

That's exactly how it's always worked for my boyfriend and I, and there's never been any issues. If the girl you date doesn't think you take her out often enough, then let her free. No one should make you feel like you have to spend more than you can afford just to please them. Last time I checked, that ISN'T what builds love.

In 2011, women can pay just as easily as men.

That how it is with me and my husband even when were dating. How dies your girlfriend take you out to dinner for your birthday and you still ends up paying for it? That is wrong, wrong, wrong. Did I say wrong?

Wot do you mean it won't work if I am doing nc? And Liz to answer your question she said pick a place and she'll go w me. I paid for it but in my mine I was thinking is it my birthday or hers? Anyway it is over. She is probably not the considerate type.

I was referring to this:


I am doing nc now since she is being nice but said is busy and said will go for coffee one day if we both have time.

Did you mean "No Contact"? That's how I interpreted it. Basically I was saying it doesn't look like the relationship is going to work out, I'm sorry if I was wrong in that assessment.

How do u control your urges when two people are being affectionate? The big head and small head don't work together that is for sure.
I am doing nc now since she is being nice but said is busy and said will go for coffee one day if we both have time.

You are responsible for your own actions, and if you know actions have consequences, don't let the little head, (which has no brains) think for you. That's what the big head is for.

You don't go NC with someone you are dating, you give them space to do their thing while you do yours, and enjoy getting to know them when you do make time for each other.

Too much, too fast, crash and burn!!!

Since you have already gotten carried away and explored your lust, you better pay attention, and see what this stranger is about BEFORE continuing to be carried away by your little head. You are already seeing things you don't like, so pay attention, and learn more. Use the big head, as lust fades, and love grows. Know the difference!

Thanks for the advice Tal. The reason I said nc is because I don't know if she still want to be w me so it is better this way. She doesn't even want to talk about it at this point. Obviously I can't keep contacting her.

If doesn't and shouldn't matter if she wants to be you. I mean you have a choice in it too. So after every thing is said and done and looking over her actions you should feel like you deserve better. So don't do NC for her do it for you.

Thanks for the advice Tal. The reason I said nc is because I don't know if she still want to be w me so it is better this way. She doesn't even want to talk about it at this point. Obviously I can't keep contacting her.

More the reason to be enjoying doing your own thing without her. That's not NC, that's just keeping it real. See the difference? You have no commitment to each other. And unless there is a mutual agreement (some kind of understand for some kind of commitment), then you are young, sinle, and free to do whatever you please, with whomever you please. Do so.Why limit your options, and opportunities?

Talaniman Rule - Date them all! Fat, short, skinny, or tall! 18 to 80, blind, cripple, or crazy!

Dating is to enjoy getting to know someone, and that takes time, and there is no hurry for anything. Tell the little head to shut up, so you can pay attention, while you are having fun.

She said I got her too easily. There are guys who are lining up and willing to do things for her so why didn't she go for them. There are guys who chase after her for years. I am probably the only guy who told her this also.

PffffTT!! Leave spoiled girls alone, or stand your ground against game playing.

She thinks you got her too easy, then let her go. She can go have her pick of the flock of guys falling at her feet.

I am a firm believer that when you have met the "right" person, there is no such thing as "too easy" or "too hard" for that matter... and there certainly is no need for any games.

I went down this road before. She had a rich guy going after her now calling her constantly she said she won't be happy with him try to make me jealous though by ask him to come out to meet me because he wanted to. One of my ex left me and got married 10 yrs later still regret not giving us a chance. U know what, I already know the conclusion. I guess I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Why are you still tripping! Leave her alone. She is dragging you around by the b***s. Cut the string already!

I went down this road before. She had a rich guy going after her now calling her constantly she said she won't be happy with him try to make me jealous though by ask him to come out to meet me because he wanted to. One of my ex left me and got married 10 yrs later still regret not giving us a chance. U know wot, I already know the conclusion. I guess I'll just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Just want to point something out.

Chat speak is against the rules of this site. You have shown that you know how to write using real words, so please do so on all your posts.

U = You
what = what

We're an international site, and many of the people on this site don't speak English well. There are also many older people on this site that do not understand chat speak at all.

Thank you.

I am not sure if it is love or lust but it hurt like hell. Sent her an email something funny she just reply w a funny email.

I suppose when you get really tired of this you will leave her alone. Or maybe when she tells you to get lost

Don't let her make you an option.

Thanks Tal, I emailed her ask her how things are going she said she's so busy these days lol funny how things change so quick. I'll keep myself busy too and do my own things.

Make sure you stick to that plan and no relapsing. And remember life is too short.

On the weekend a friend sent an email to our group (I introduced this friend to her) and asked us to go for a drink so she said she is in. I decided not to go. I decided not to hang out with this group until I am over it. Morning are tough, still feeling the pain from it. I was able to fight the urge to contact. It's getting better. Started joining the church quoir. Working out everyday.

I know that was a big step for you and I know it ain't going be easy but keep it up. Your heading down the right road and keep doing things to keep yourself busy. Thumbs up to you!

I called her today we went for lunch and talk about it. She said she was hurt because I got upset and didn't call her right away to talk about the problem. She try to blame me for it. She said she didn't know what I expect from her since we just know each other. I bought her a dozen rose I gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek she didn't resist.

Basically she didn't like the silent treatment but would it be better to cool off first before u talk?

Why are you still entertaining talking to her?
I thought you were finished being played with and whimpering around her like a puppy

phhhhhhhhhhft!!!!!!!

It is hard to get good help these days. FYI, I didn't get played. I didn't contact her for more than a week. I thought I try to talk to her when thing cool off. If she didn't miss me then why come out to talk and she paid for my lunch lol. She said from her past exp. When she try to pay the guy would get upset.

I believe we have a connection rather than throw it away I want to know if we could salvage it. Hey at least I try. If I don't see anything then I'll walk away.

Yesterday I went to dinner with a group of friends, she was there as well but seem very distant. After the group decided to go for a drink. I bailed out. She called me in the morning asking me why I didn't go hmmmmmmm (why would she care all of a sudden?). I said I got stomachache. The true reason is I don't need to be there when she's there. Anyway, we talk and then she brought the problem up again and it wasn't pretty. She said I should have try to call her and talk about it? What can I do? I tried to emailed her but she said she's busy so I allow her space to let thing cool down now she said I gave her too much space so she can see that she's not my type after all lol. I can say the samething. The more we talk the problem just get worse so when she said she got someone on another line and put me on hold I just hang up. I don't see the point talking about it because it doesn't get anywhere. She blame me not try to solve the problem early and blame me for hurting her, said I am a different person, well can you guys tell me if I can do anything else to solve the problem? Some peole are just so hard to please. So I'll walk away now.

You talk a good talk, but you relapsed back to the old actions.

Walk away and stay away. Clearly she ain't the one. Despite your efforts to make her the one. So the solution is the same one you have been getting, but not doing.

YOUR words, and actions don't match, so start by doing what you say you are going to do.

Intentions don't mean SQUAT!!

The problem is, she is not the one for you.
You solve it by walking away and leaving it alone.

Just an update. Ex called me over the weekend twice. Once on sat and one on Sunday. Second time left a message saying it is nothing important just want to know how I am doing and if I have time to call her back

I've been nc since last time I was here. Life is great meet new friends and new people. I stopped hanging out with the group she hang out with. Talman I took your advice and keeping it real.

That's great, what are you going to do if she keeps calling?

No clue man but my friend is introducing me to a new girl she said very good potential so I want to give myself a chance. I guess I'll put my ex in the back burner. Beside she said it is nothing important just see how I am doing.

She wrote me a long email. Said she called me twice but I didn't pickup. She asked how I am doing and did I go anywhere? And talk about how we first met and say thank you for introduce her to a great group of friends. Also she said I am someone who she will always respect. She ask why I am not hanging out with them anymore. She ask is it because of her and if it is then she'll leave them because she doesn't want me to lose my friends. She said she doesn't want to ask to be my friend neither because she know we both feel uncomfortable. She said please come back to the group because nobody get mad forever.

I think this is BS. It've been 3 months. I mean if she doesn't want to hang out with them because she was concerned about me then she should have left after we broke up. She also knows that she can't be my friend then why asking me to go back to the group when she will be there.

This is what I will write back or should I write back at all?

Hi

Thanks for your concern I am not mad at you but I am extremely busy these days and don't have time to hang out that often anymore. Don't lose some great friend because of me.

Take care.

Frankly I see no point in responding at all, because she is just stroking her own guilt, or maybe others have blamed her for your absence. None of this matters to you and what you are doing now. I would go about my own business, and let her figure things out for herself.

Thanks for the tip Tal. You are absolutely right.