I must be silly/crazy to have married my boyfriend after 5.5 years. Here's my story and how I feel, any help/advice would be helpful.. I had been with my boyfriend for 5.5 years, he was so convinced after 2.5 years that he never wanted to get married or have a child, not with just me but with anyone. (I have a child from a previous relationship before we had met. He takes on full role of daddy too). Anyway, we had split, more like took a break for a few months, so from like March to end of April. In that time he was around several of his female friends, which to me is really no big deal, I thought I could trust him as well as certain friends of him. I understand we are on a break too. In that time, he slept with one of his female friends twice. (She told him that she was on the IUD and just coming off her period a few days before, supposedly!). Before I knew any of this, him and I had been talking again and were willing to give it a try once again. 2 weeks later, he gets a call, and guess what? She's supposedly pregnant with his baby. It took him 2 days to be able to deal with it finally tell me. Now, they both knew what was in jeopardy by there actions. This other girl at first told him that he should tell me, which he did, then when she found out, she disowned him from contact and said that she didn't want anything to do with him anymore including the baby too. (She has 2 other children by two other men and doesn't have custody of either). Her reasonings in having this child are for all the wrong ones. He even came to conclusion that she did want more out of just sex but didn't put that in the equation until now. Him and I had very lengthy talks about how he was going to handle this situation. I felt comfortable in his decisions that, in May, knowing this situation could arise again, I married the man. Stupid as it maybe, I know. However, know the situation is getting out of hand and I fear my marriage. She is now going around telling everyone that he threatened her and the babies life if she didn't get an abortion, this is a false claim and I know that for a fact. I had been with him when contact was made with her regarding this issue and yes, he strongly suggested abortion but knew that he couldn't make her do anything. She has refused to provide proof of pregnancy, provide a DNA test, and has refused contact with my now husband. I am hurt that this event has taken place and I felt that my relationship has encountered other dramatic events throughout the 5.5 years that this we could handle and move forward, however, she is preventing that from happening. My husband and I have been trying for 3 months now to conceive our first child together. I am hurt that there is another girl having his alleged child, but I am also hurt of such contradiction from him. As Im sure you can imagine, it puts an extra burden on our marriage and I am lost with only two very close friends to help deal with this. I am a mess and hurt deep down, very much that it kills me. As a loving and caring wife, I provide my husband with some lawyers information and told him to talk with them about his legal responsibilities and what he can do. One lawyer basically implied that he was a p.o.s and that there is nothing he can do. Is that really the case? I know that he has rights and that there are things that we can do before this child is born. What kills me is this girl will not provide any legit legal papers stating anything! How do we even know this child is really his? There is a good chance this child is NOT my husbands and she just has tried to trap him because she really doesn't know. I know I must be dumb and silly and whatever to still marry him knowing all this but I love the man, I got what I wanted from him which is to get married and continue our lives together. Now it seems like we are trapped into a situation. I know it takes two and he has admitted his fault on this.. What can we do? What are his rights? How do we cope with this without playing the blame game?

The legal issue is that until and unless she submits to a paternity test, after the baby is born, he doesn't have to do anything. He can force the test and take responsibility for the child if its his.

As to how you cope from a marital point of you, I would suggest counseling for you both.

I'd just like to suggest, outside of legal issues covered by ScottGem, that you think twice about the need to have a child with your husband, given how fleeting relationships can be, and how troubled this one has been, and how set against children he has been. I know it won't be easy if the other woman's child is his.

I'd just like to suggest, outside of legal issues covered by ScottGem, that you think twice about the need to have a child with your husband, given how fleeting relationships can be, and how troubled this one has been, and how set against children he has been. I know it won't be easy if the other woman's child is his.

I'll admit I didn't read the OP fully so I missed that little tidbit. Joy is 110% right. You need to resolve this issue and your feelings before you even think of having a child with this man.

I just came upon this. First, your statement "I know that he has rights and that there are things that we can do before this child is born." There is nothing he can do (concerning the child) until the child is born. At that time he goes to Court and requests DNA testing. If he IS the father, then he pursues his rights.

My concern also is your attempts to have a child with your husband. Until this time (I believe you stated) he has not wanted any children. Now he finds out he may be having a child with another woman... and he wants to have a child with you. This makes little or no sense to me.

If the child with the other woman IS his he will be required to provide financial support until the child is (usually) 18 years old. Can he afford to do that AND support a child you have together?

You will also be faced with looking another woman's child in the face and having that child call your husband "Daddy." Can you live with that? Can your children?

The WORST thing you can do when a relationship is troubled or uncertain is have a child. It will solve nothing and make a bad situation even worse.

I realize your head is spinning but please give some very careful thought to what I have said.

Depending on where you are (any question on law needs to include a general locale as laws vary) he might be able to file with a putative father's registry to insure when the child is born that his rights will be respected. But that's about all he can do until then.

The other thing he can do is start lawyer shopping. And also get forms that will be needed for the filing after the child is born. That way he can be prepared rather then to catch up.