I need help. I've been with this amazing guy for the last 2 1/2 years. I'm absolutely in love with him. I feel like there's some future for us. But my ex-boyfriend got in the picture.
I started dating my guy about 2 months after my ex broke up with me out of no where. My ex and I were only dating for like a month and a half and we clicked from the beginning. He was in the usmc and a nice guy. But we were both young and had no clue where our relationship was going. We kind of saw it as a fling but a really good one. He freaked out and "broke" up with me by ignoring me and never giving me a straight answer. So I moved on and started dating my boyfriend now. About 3 months into dating my boyfriend, I get a call from my ex asking if I wanted to hang out before he left for iraq. So I decided to go out and see him to end everything and get a final answer from him. We both realized that we still had feelings for each other so one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. He left for iraq and we hid our secret. My boyfriend never found out until my guilty conscience admitted it to him months later. He forgave me and we went on with our relationship and with my promise to him of not making any connection with my ex again. After that whole thing, we didn't have a rough patch again
A few months ago, my boyfriend and I went to our friend's party and we ran into my ex. My boyfriend and my ex knew that the other one knew what had happened between my ex and I. they spoke like 2 regular guys at a party who knew the same person. My ex and I spoke about what had happened and decided to just move on with our lives. Recently, my ex had gotten out of the corps. So we decided to hang out and catch up. My boyfriend doesn't know that we went out. I had lied about my whereabouts. Between me and my ex, we realized that we had some "unfinished business" that created tension between us that if we were to remain as friends, the tension would becoem to great for either one of us that we would cave in. we realized that we still had some sort of feelings for each other because we never really saw out how far our relationship could have gone. We had a good time catching up and laughing about our immaturity with each other that we ended up kissing before we parted ways. In a sense, I don't feel as bad as I should for kissing him and lying to my boyfriend. I really just want to resolve our unfinished business and move on with my life with my boyfriend now. But I'm stuck.
Its bad enough that I cheated on my boyfriend once at the beginning of our relationship
Its worst that I betrayed his trust again and sought out my ex to feel some type of closure. I really don't know what to do or how to feel...

What to do?

Grow up and stop playing with fire.

If you can't make your mind up you shouldn't be with your boyfriend-don't you think he deserves better than someone who keeps betraying his trust-after he already forgave you once??

You accept that people often have lingering feelings for past partners but that doesn't mean they have to act on them.

You stop contact with the ex and work on finding closure regarding your feelings on your own, not with the ex. What you are doing now just keeps stirring things back up and is totally unfair to your boyfriend.

Or you split up with the boyfriend and go back to playing games with the ex.

Or you stop seeing them both.

Sorry, but I', going to be harsh here.

No one is forcing you to spend time with your ex, get physical with him, and the lie about it. You are making choices. Your 1st relationship may have been a victim of difficult circumstances, but everything that has happened since then has been a result of your choice. If you want to stop lying and being a cheater, CHOOSE to. If you want to be a dishonest person who plays games with your boyfriend's trust, keep doing exactly what you are doing. It seems that you don't really care about your boyfriend at all, because if you did, you would stop you lies, and your games, and let him know that you are choosing to not be faithful to him. Be honest, and give him a choice about whether he wants to be in a relationship with a repeat liar and cheater. See if he still wants to date someone who is so selfish, that even after he forgave you and tried to move on, you kept cheating and lying. You said yourself that you don't even feel bad, so why are you still with him when all you care about is yourself? He deserves better, and after what you have put him through, you at least own him honesty.

You should feel ashamed of being a liar, and a cheater AGAIN. But the way out is to be honest with yourself and don't do better, and be honest with him, and let him decide what he wants to do.

Anything less is more lying and cheating on your boyfriend. You made your choices, so he deserves a chance to make his.

What are you crying about again?

Figure out what it is you want. Treat others as you wish to be treated.

"i need help"

Yes, you do. Why do you do the things you do?
You are in control of your own actions.

Start there.