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Rhia1978
Jul 24, 2011, 06:52 PM
I need a bit of neutral perspective here – and maybe an expert opinion too from this forum. I have been here before and received very good insights :)

Here we go. I had advertised for a flatmate a month back. One guy responded – we set up an inspection and through our email communication he even cracked a joke about my long winded email which I heartily laughed at & appreciated the humour. On the day of the inspection he texted to cancel - I had sent him my mobile number via email earlier. He had accepted another offer but then he asked to meet me. I was initially a little disappointed – being stressed about the flatmate situation but I responded a bit later. Told him I was happy for him and yes we could meet. I don’t know why I did that because I never meet someone blind – all I knew was that he’s Irish and he didn’t even know that much about me. No age, nothing about jobs, looks, hobbies, humour etc. I was being polite – thought he’s new in town – make him feel welcome. So we set up the date (?) – he asked me to pick the place and I picked 2, one being an Irish pub – let him choose and of course he picked the latter. We shared a laugh about that and I told him I liked Irish pubs. I had not put in much effort in this selection – as I said – was merely being kind. A couple of days before the date he texted to check. On my way to meet him I realised I had inadvertently dressed up all in green haha! So I texted and warned him – he said he was in green too and we joked about it.

I was expecting a disaster. I knew he was already in the pub. I got myself a drink and my mobile rang. While talking to my friend I walked around and as soon as we made eye contact we knew we had found the right person – I mouthed his name and he nodded. I sat down, gestured about the call and he smiled and said ‘that’s fine’. I quickly finished the call and finally said a proper hello to him – he leaned over to give me a peck on my cheek. I was in shock inside – he was absolutely stunning. The conversation flowed and he even invited me to his house party later that evening. I had plans with friends but told him I’d see. There were small things that made me feel more attracted to him – when the waiter cleared the table he would thank him. This is something I do all the time and have noticed very few other people doing. So this apparently insignificant gesture made an impact on me. We walked out together till the end of the road. There was no awkwardness, maybe a bit of a sexual tension. At the end of the road he hugged me and gave me a peck again. I was still in a daze I guess haha! He said ‘see you soon’. I was not sure what to think – I spoke to my friends and they were amazed that I had taken such a risk.

Later that night he texted me asking me how my evening with friends went. This set off a series of texts – I took time to answer. Yes I will admit I was playing it cool. He would answer asap every time. He asked me to come over – I know it was a booty call. I declined saying I was already in bed – told him next time I’ll be there. He asked me when we’d be meeting next but I didn’t answer till the morning. I cut to the chase and asked him if he was asking me out. And he said ‘hell you am asking you out AGAIN’. I liked that – yes am a modern day woman but I liked the assertiveness. I told him a date 2 weeks later and he agreed – didn’t complain, didn’t ask why not earlier. I liked that even though I myself wanted to meet him sooner. Then we exchanged no texts till Monday the week after when he texted and asked me how my weekend was. I was glad he initiated the communication. He asked me what the plans were for the Saturday’s 2nd date. I told him I’d get back to him in a couple of days about that. I knew his b’day was coming up so I asked him and he said Thursday. So I texted him on Thursday & wished him happy b’day…he loved it and asked me about the plans – I hadn’t gotten around to it but quickly checked events and gave him a list of options. I was hoping he’d want to meet again at the same Irish pub since I wanted to relax and I liked the pub – cosy and laid back. And he did – he asked if we could go there again – I jumped at the offer and agreed.

All through the fortnight between the 2 dates I wondered if he was a player and if he really was keen or after some quick action. My friends told me not to think like that since he had not given me any reason to believe it – except for the rather late night invitation to his house party.

Anyway I was 30 minutes late for the date and I texted him jokingly about being late – he took it well and laughed about it. It was another wonderful date – he told me he was adopted – I was a bit taken aback by this revelation. But then again I know men don’t put much emphasis on sharing such secrets so am not placing any importance - not thinking he likes me heaps to share it. I asked him how he asked me out without knowing anything about me and he said he liked the dynamics on the email. His eyes kept wandering to the TV behind me – the football was on. I am big on football myself. His team wasn’t playing but he still seemed distracted. I jokingly mentioned this later to him and he said he wasn’t doing it on purpose.

I had been fretting about a possible age difference for the past 2 weeks and he mentioned Thursday was his 29th b’day. Did he read my mind? How strange! He told me he had put 2 and 2 together and realised I must be 32/33 and I told him the latter. He said I didn’t look 33 at all. Just sweet or playing me?

I had a boardgames party at my place later that night and one of my friends asked me to invite him – another person to play with us. So I did and he agreed. We came back to my place and I am sure I was flirting on the way – the wine had made me tipsy and I really couldn’t resist anymore. At my place he got along super well with my friends and flatmate and they loved him. He was a natural! Or was this all part of the game?

Since he and my friend got very hungry I served them some of my home cooked food and he loved it. Kept talking about it even the next day haha!

We both smoke and when we would step out on the balcony, he would try to kiss me. I resisted and even told him a bit tearily that I don’t want to be hurt. He was tipsy am sure by then. Anyway I caved in finally – it was too much to resist. I was having such a grand time with my friends too that it all went to my head. Of course it became a really late night. I tucked him in bed and he pulled me down. I somehow managed to break free – told him to rest and went back to the lounge room to chat with a friend who was staying over too. She’s one of my closest friends – almost a bigger sister and she loved him. She thought he was stunning and adorable – ‘delightful’ is the word she used. She urged me to go back to him. I finally took a deep breath and went to bed. My hesitation was because I was very tipsy, only 2nd date and I didn’t want to fall any harder. Anyway it was lovely and we fell off to sleep. Morning waking up was great…he even went and got me water…and when I said I probably looked a mess he said ‘you look very pretty’. We hung around, chatted with my friend and while we were all sleep deprived and tired, it was lovely. I cancelled my plans for the day – not because of him but because I was exhausted. Whenever my friend would look away he’d try to grab me. I would caress his head and it was obvious he liked it very much. He hung onto every word I would say. I found it hard to meet his eye – was feeling shy. He would wink and smile at me. The connection is undeniable. After my friend left we made out and he came twice but used no protection. When I asked him he said ‘it’ll be fine.. you won’t get pregnant’….. I was not sure how to react. I suggested that we go to the chemist to get the morning after asked him if he’d come with me – he agreed. I was still not feeling good about it – such an unsavoury thing really. Anyway we went to the chemist and once there he took the lead, asked for the pill, paid for it and got me a chair etc. I was happy to see his leadership there. Then I saw him off and we shared a lovely goodbye kiss.

I was sad to see him go. I really like him and getting back into the house without him was a bit tough. He had asked me earlier what my plans were for the coming weekend and we agreed to meet up. When my friend had left he gave her a big hug.

I texted him later to ask him how his housework was going. He answered a long time later and we exchanged a couple of very tired texts – he told me he was feeling tired and I told him I was sleepy and said good night. Today’s his first day at a new job – he’s not looking forward to it. He’s a bit worried. I haven’t heard from him yet. But I want to text and find out how he’s going and invite him out for a friend’s catchup drinks this Friday.

My question is – I know it’s early but is he playing me? I’d really like to know if he’s worth my time. I’ve been hurt in love previously and this all seems too easy – too perfect to be true.

We’ve spoken about the situation with the pill and he’s agreed to pull out. But I wonder why he was so blasé about what could have happened.

Thanks in advance!

redhed35
Jul 25, 2011, 12:34 AM
First of all YOU need to be responsible for your own body, insist on protection every time, there is a high chance of pregnancy and also STD's, don't let the romance get to your head.

To be honest I don't know if he is playing you, but you have two choices, see where this goes, or walk away.

Take your time getting to know him, there's no rush, and if he's really interested he'll stick around.

If there is a next time, do something without drink involved,you will be more aware of your instincts, he does seem a bit pushy for sex, so slow it down.

Also, the trip into the chemist, he seemed to take charge as you say, knew what he was doing? yes? it would seem to me he has done this before, honestly, you don't know if he has an STD, get checked out!

Your in the throes of lust right now and it clouds your judgement, slow down take your time, YOU are in charge of you, no one else.

Rhia1978
Jul 25, 2011, 12:50 AM
Thanks Redhed35! Yes I will surely be careful - I have to admit I wasn't thinking straight! This happened in the morning though and there was no alcohol involved. Also when we were at the chemist even though he asked for the pill he didn't have any idea and I was guiding him. He didn't know about the price either. So guess he doesn't have any idea there - it was obvious he was trying to take charge because he felt responsible but otherwise no clue.

But as you say only time will tell of his intentions. It's just that the last time I was burnt so badly that I just don't want to waste time again... but there's no other way I guess but to let time take it's course.

Thanks again :)

redhed35
Jul 25, 2011, 01:04 AM
At some point your going to have to bite the bullet again, but let it be on your terms, in your time, if you feel you can, you can always just enjoy his company and feeling those feelings again, of course your nervous, no one wants to get hurt, so as I said take your time and don't hand over your heart just yet!

Rhia1978
Jul 25, 2011, 01:26 AM
Yup will do :) I will be meeting him this Friday when he'll accompany me to my friend's social gathering. After that what happens I will see... but since I've taken the pill I don't think I'll be in any condition to do anything. I can say he hasn't pushed me so far though - it has been a mutual thing... I've only resisted because I had been burnt in the past... not because I didn't want to. Of course the lack of precaution was stupid of me.. Will be careful :) Thanks heaps!