I have a daughter with a psychotic woman that won't let me be in my child's life. I love my daughter and I feel so horrible that she has to live with her unstable mother.

She got married to someone about 5 months after meeting him and is now trying to get me to surrender my parental rights so this man can adopt her. She says she has a lawyer involved.

I was just wondering if it is possible for her to force me to give up my rights as a father. While it is obvious that I don't want to.

No, not unless you are a threat to the child, perhaps if you don't have contact with the child, perhaps if you have long term prison sentence.

The mother can not "stop" you from having contact unless you are proven a danger. So when you went to court for visits or to try and get joint custody what has happened?

First, ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

But generally she cannot force you to relinquish your rights or get them terminated unless she can prove you are a danger to the child.

Have you gone to court for joint custody and visitation?

I live in New Hampshire. I haven't gone to court for anything. I am on the birth certificate. After she married that man, she moved somewhere, I don't know where they are.

I know she can't "stop" me from seeing my daughter. But she's probably been telling my daughter I'm some "big, bad monster" that doesn't want to see her for years now, and that this new man is her father.

So for years, you have not tried to find or see her.

Mother does not have to tell her anything negative, you just not being there, sort of says it all by itself.

So where is she calling from, you say you don't know where she lives ?

If you have had no contact and have made no effect to contract, that will not look good in court.

If you want to keep your rights, you need to fight for them, go to court and file for visits, get court ordered child support and start paying. Then start visits, most likely it may have to be with or though a counselor so that she can get used to who you are.

Now this presents a different story. The lawyer is probably going to claim you abandoned your child. And you have nothing to prove you didn't. You made no attempt to get custody or visitation or even to find your child. And you claim she won't let you see your child yet you have done nothing to try to.

Frankly, you already have relinquished your rights to your child by your actions. You might as well let your child have a real family.

Due to the type of person she is, I know she says bad things to my daughter to make me look bad.

I had no way to contact her. She moved and obviously changed her last name. Child support told me to stop paying and sent me my money back because they didn't know where to send the checks.

She recently contacted me via cell phone (texts) only because I've had the same number for over 10 years. She has changed her number many times.

She only asked me to surrender my rights. As soon as I asked her why she just won't let me see my daughter, she stopped responding.

My daughter is almost six years old and her mom took her away from me a little over 2 years ago.

I hope 2 years isn't long enough to quality for abandonment. I didn't know my lawyer can force visitation rights if I'm not paying child support.
Ill definitely have to give my lawyer a call.

? I will take your word, but I have never heard of child support telling anyone not to send the money. I hope you keep that letter, and I hope you put that money in the bank to save, since you owe it, she merely has to now file that you are behind in all of your payments for two years also.
** a crime in some areas that can get you locked up in jail.

So when child support told you not to pay, you did not go to court to get the support ordered modified ?

You need an attorney seriously at this point

Their reasons: "We don't know where to send the checks." and "You shouldn't have to pay for a child you're not allowed to see."

The people at my local child support services like me and want me to see my daughter almost as much as I do.

I have a great lawyer, so all I really have to do is worry about this ridiculous "abandonment" loophole.
Which is totally unfair to people like me, who has gone every day wishing he could see his child for the past two years. But can't due to name changes, number changes, and moving.

But can't due to name changes, number changes, and moving.
Did you ever consider hiring a PI?

Their reasons: "We don't know where to send the checks." and "You shouldn't have to pay for a child you're not allowed to see."
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No, I can't believe Child Support would have said that.

Mainly because that's not how it works. A CS agency often will require an obligor to pay and at the same time refuse to disclose the location of the child. They don't have to.

Well all I know is what I was told. After they said that. They sent me a bunch of my checks back, and then the monthly letters stating the amount due stopped coming.

Well all I know is what I was told. After they said that. They sent me a bunch of my checks back, and then the monthly letters stating the amount due stopped coming.
Have you saved those checks and any printed communication from this office? Do any of those employees who told you they "don't know where to send the checks" still work there?

Yeah, they said they held the checks for a year but since they didn't have any of the mother's new addresses, they sent them back.
My lawyer also told me to go get a signed letter from them stating the reasons I don't have to pay anymore. So I'll definitely be doing that this week.

And your "great lawyer" didn't advise you to file a contempt of court citation when she disappeared? He didn't advise you to hire a PI to attempt to find her? You didn't try to contact relatives, put out an Amber alert or any of several options when a child disappears?

Two years may be enough for abandonment. Generally its 6 months or more. But the key to her being able to get a TPR is going to be your lack of effort.

Non payment of child support should not affect this, especially if you can prove you were told to stop. Though I also have a problem with a Child support agency telling you this. In fact, the3 way it generally works, is you make a payment to the agency, the agency then sends a check to the recipient. They don't usually forward the checks.

However, accepting that what you are telling us is true, this is the course I would recommend. Please check this with your attorney. First, file for a contempt of court citation for her not allowing you your court ordered visitation. See if you can get a warrant for her arrest for parental kidnapping. Then agree to meet with her to sign the papers. Go to that meeting with the police and the warrants for her arrest (either for contempt or kidnapping or both) and have her arrested. Once that happens you can then try to re-establish your relationship with your daughter, maybe get custody or at least get visitation.

Your daughter is young enough that the damage should be reparable.

But frankly, it still sticks in my craw, that you did nothing to try to find her or that your attorney did not advise you to try.

I couldn't afford a PI at age 20 and I doubt I can now, as a college student 3 years later.

All these answers are so exaggerated. An amber alert is just riddiculous. When the police found out she just got married and moved, I would go to jail for filing a false amber alert.

A simple yes or no would've been fine.
If I'm forced to give up my rights, I'll just have to wait until my daughter is old enough to realize how much of a psycho her mother is, and how awesome I am.

I think its strange that people on this site can doubt the information the asker gives them. THEY are asking the question. THEY want an answer, so they're obviously going to say everything they know to be provided with one. Lying would just get them farther from the answer.

I couldn't afford a PI at age 20 and I doubt I can now, as a college student 3 years later.

All these answers are so exaggerated. An amber alert is just riddiculous. When the police found out she just got married and moved, I would go to jail for filing a false amber alert.

A simple yes or no would've been fine.
If I'm forced to give up my rights, I'll just have to wait until my daughter is old enough to realize how much of a psycho her mother is, and how awesome I am.

I think its strange that people on this site can doubt the information the asker gives them. THEY are asking the question. THEY want an answer, so they're obviously going to say everything they know to be provided with one. Lying would just get them farther from the answer.



I just got here - you haven't been paying support so I would use that money to hire a PI. You say you can't afford to pay someone to spend an hour, possibly two, checking out his/her sources. How much does a PI charge in your area?

You seem to think you know all the ins and outs so I don't even know why you are posting BUT an Amber alert is NOT ridiculous. My child goes missing with or without the "other" parent, I call the Police. I don't just sit there. Who told you that filing would have been a false report, causing you to be arrested? The child was missing - that's why there would have been an Amber alert.

And I agree that posting using false information simply delays the process, frustrates everyone and takes up a lot of time. I also know it happens all the time.

As far as what everyone has said to you - this is not a feel good board. That's why there are chat sites. You posted on a family law LEGAL board and that's what you got - family law LEGAL advice. I am sure people post half the question here and then repeat the advice to their friends and relatives as the gospel - never admitting half of what they asked is untrue so the situation is not what it was described to be.

Was the mother psycho when you were having sex with her or did that come later?

(And I also have NEVER heard of support checks being returned. The various agencies have separate departments that do nothing but locate people.)

I also question this: "But she's probably been telling my daughter I'm some "big, bad monster" that doesn't want to see her for years now, and that this new man is her father." You are calling the mother psycho for no reason I can see, yet you are accusing her of calling you names in the presence of your daughter. She probably is telling the daughter that you've made no attempt to contact her (the daughter). I think she's right.

As far as Social Services "liking you" and wanting you to see your daughter almost as much as you do. If that were true they'd be doing something. They cannot take sides and keep their jobs.

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All these answers are so exaggerated. An amber alert is just riddiculous. When the police found out she just got married and moved, I would go to jail for filing a false amber alert.
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No, you could not have been jailed or prosecuted for making a complete and accurate report of the situation to the police and requesting that an Amber alert be generated. It would be up to the authorities to decide, on the basis of the situation as you reported it, whether an Amber alert was warranted.


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A simple yes or no would've been fine. ...

Ok: No you can't be forced to agree to anything. And in the situation you give, she would have no leverage with which to even coerce an agreement.

I haven't gone to court for anything. I am on the birth certificate. Hello D:

We're here to help... But, in order to do so, we need straight stuff... Now, I KNOW you're not lying for the reasons you said... But, there's stuff that needs to be cleared up. Toward that end, I have two questions, and then I can offer some advice.. The first, is if you have a lawyer, why HAVEN'T you been to court, and the second is, IF you haven't been to court, how did "child support" (presumably a governmental agency) get involved?

excon

The equivalent of asking what to do about a mosquito bite on WebMD and being answered with "You're probably a bad person, that mosquito bite might be cancerous."

Since this is online, I am aware that this site is full of severely insecure people that have nothing better to do than to try to let other people down as a means to feel better about their emotionally poor selves. Which is why I will not disclose the many reasons my daughter's mother is a horrible person. I just feel so awful that SHE is the one there for her right now and not me.

With that said, nothing anyone says to me over the safety and anonymity of the internet will affect my feelings about myself.
I'm an amazing, positive person that can't be let down, and I can't wait until my daughter is able to experience me and my love for her.

I have all I need. Thank you for your responses, everyone.

I agreed to pay childsupport, with no contest because at the beginning of all this, me and the mother were on great terms and I was spending a lot of time with my daughter. That was also when I got the lawyer, to make sure the payments were as low as possible because I had just gotten out of high school and started college (the mother was also fine with this at the time.)
It wasn't until later, when after a petty disagreement, she said she didn't want me seeing my daughter anymore. And then, about 6 months later I found out she was married and had moved somewhere via an article in a newspaper. I guess I was just too young and dumb to realize I could use my lawyer to force visitation. I've been too worried about finishing school so I can show my daughter how successful I've become and that I can support her. I'm still young and dumb, but I'm working on that! ;)

I agreed to pay childsupport, with no contest because at the beginning of all this, me and the mother were on great terms and I was spending a lot of time with my daughter. That was also when I got the lawyer, to make sure the payments were as low as possible ...

You have probably figured this out by now, but:

Big mistake on the part of you and the lawyer to not at the same time agree to specific visitation rights.

First, you came here asking for advice. We give advice to the best of our abilities based on the information we are provided as well as our knowledge of the law. If someone tells you the sky is green when all your knowledge and experience tells you its blue, you are going to question that person.

We get loads of questions from people who give false information or don't tell us the whole story because they don't want to face the truth. Frequently the truth comes to light as we try to get more info.

Yes we have questioned what you have told us about support because it goes totally against what we have learned about the support process. Despite our misgivings about that we have tried to help you. And in answer you attempt to insult us.

The law is very often not something that we can give a yes or no answer to. You started asking if your rights could be forcibly terminated to allow the mother's husband to adopt. In that initial post you mentioned nothing about the mother running away. You did call her psychotic and unstable without proving any back up for labeling her so. With each post you revealed a little more info, some of it not fitting with our knowledge and experience. So we questioned it.

As for the Amber alert, as AK said you would not have gotten in trouble. In fact, Amber alerts have been used in parental kidnapping cases.

You say you were too young and dumb to realize your attorney could force visitation, but that's why you have an attorney to advise you about things you don't know. Your attorney should have advised you of all these things.

So, do you want us to help you or do you want to just moan about all the mistakes you have made and give up on your daughter? Are you going to stop insulting us to make you feel better or what?

The equivalent of asking what to do about a mosquito bite on WebMD and being answered with "You're probably a bad person, that mosquito bite might be cancerous."

Since this is online, I am aware that this site is full of severely insecure people that have nothing better to do than to try to let other people down as a means to feel better about their emotionally poor selves. Which is why I will not disclose the many reasons why my daughter's mother is a horrible person. I just feel so awful that SHE is the one there for her right now and not me.

With that said, nothing anyone says to me over the safety and anonymity of the internet will affect my feelings about myself.
I'm an amazing, positive person that can't be let down, and I can't wait until my daughter is able to experience me and my love for her.

I have all I need. Thank you for your responses, everyone.


"We" may be "severely insecure people that have nothing better to do than to try to let other people down as a means to feel better about their emotionally poor selves" but "we" don't let years go by without seeing our children and, as I said, "we" would have sent out an Amber Alert. By the time you are able to demonstrate what an amazing positive person you are your daughter may well be too old to caqre - or want to be involved.

Oh, and you sure did let your daughter down.

Did you ever explain why your call under the Amber Alert law when your child was missing would have gotten you arrested? I believe I mentioned that several posts ago.