dwpranger
Jul 22, 2011, 10:27 AM
Through my professional development I have been introduced to a problem solving template known as the "S O P R A D A Model". I thought I would apply that to my situation with my Girlfriend who wants a break, but to remain friends.
1. SUBJECT
a. “The Break”
2. OBJECTIVE
a. Change the situation to be in a committed, trusting relationship with her or someone else
3. PRESENT SITUATION
a. We are talking and hanging out nearly as much as when we were together
b. We are not romantically involved. She wants to be friends; nothing more right now
c. She is checking out other guys
d. I am not checking out other girls
e. Says it's OK for us to date
f. She says it's OK for me to see other people
g. She says she is leaning towards choosing me
h. She is definitely not interested in losing me…right now
4. RECOMMENDATIONS
a. Break up for good
b. Break—“Need some time myself”
c. Play hard to get/ Get distant
d. Try to win her back by dating her all over again
5. ADVANTAGES
a. Fastest way to move forward.
b. Give me space to get my emotions under control. Shows her she could potentially lose me.(Your Girlfriend Won't Really Start Missing You Until You Finally Go Away)
c. May make her chase me! (when I am a little distant, she chases me a little... )
d. She may be back soon…
6. DISADVANTAGES
a. Shutting her out is risky. Bridge burned. Will always wonder “what could have been”.
b. Shutting her out is risky. May make her throw her hands up and give up. Standoffish. Not intriguing. Not interesting.
c. Hard for me to pull off…that's why I am in this situation!
d. More of the same-old nice guy that isn't attractive to her. 50% chance I will get my heart broken badly.:
7. ACTION PLAN
a. Limit contact without shutting her out in order to get myself thinking straight..
i. Do whatever I need to do to take my mind off her.
ii. Maintain feeling that I might leave at anytime
iii. Unwind and start feeling good about myself again.
b. Let her know you are serious about not being friends (Call the break what it is).
i. It's not healthy to be friends immediately after a breakup. Why settle for second best? I deserve to be number one in a girl's life
ii. "I'm not going to hang around clinging to half a relationship, Hoping that you'll return. It's not like being apart is going to improve our relationship. It's obvious that you're looking for something else. If you want to see what else is out there, let's just take a real break/ break up. That way we can both start doing our own thing.. I care for you and want to wish you the best…
c. She's going to respond that she can't give me more right now, and doesn't want to let me go (right now)...
i. If you don't want to lose me, then don't lose me. But I'm not going to do this 'let's be friends' crap. We both know being friends won't work out, and at this point I'd rather we both go our separate ways and do our own thing. We had a good relationship; I'd rather end it that way.
d. Rebuild confidence
i. Smile, Look Great….
It helped me to do this exercise... comments?
1. SUBJECT
a. “The Break”
2. OBJECTIVE
a. Change the situation to be in a committed, trusting relationship with her or someone else
3. PRESENT SITUATION
a. We are talking and hanging out nearly as much as when we were together
b. We are not romantically involved. She wants to be friends; nothing more right now
c. She is checking out other guys
d. I am not checking out other girls
e. Says it's OK for us to date
f. She says it's OK for me to see other people
g. She says she is leaning towards choosing me
h. She is definitely not interested in losing me…right now
4. RECOMMENDATIONS
a. Break up for good
b. Break—“Need some time myself”
c. Play hard to get/ Get distant
d. Try to win her back by dating her all over again
5. ADVANTAGES
a. Fastest way to move forward.
b. Give me space to get my emotions under control. Shows her she could potentially lose me.(Your Girlfriend Won't Really Start Missing You Until You Finally Go Away)
c. May make her chase me! (when I am a little distant, she chases me a little... )
d. She may be back soon…
6. DISADVANTAGES
a. Shutting her out is risky. Bridge burned. Will always wonder “what could have been”.
b. Shutting her out is risky. May make her throw her hands up and give up. Standoffish. Not intriguing. Not interesting.
c. Hard for me to pull off…that's why I am in this situation!
d. More of the same-old nice guy that isn't attractive to her. 50% chance I will get my heart broken badly.:
7. ACTION PLAN
a. Limit contact without shutting her out in order to get myself thinking straight..
i. Do whatever I need to do to take my mind off her.
ii. Maintain feeling that I might leave at anytime
iii. Unwind and start feeling good about myself again.
b. Let her know you are serious about not being friends (Call the break what it is).
i. It's not healthy to be friends immediately after a breakup. Why settle for second best? I deserve to be number one in a girl's life
ii. "I'm not going to hang around clinging to half a relationship, Hoping that you'll return. It's not like being apart is going to improve our relationship. It's obvious that you're looking for something else. If you want to see what else is out there, let's just take a real break/ break up. That way we can both start doing our own thing.. I care for you and want to wish you the best…
c. She's going to respond that she can't give me more right now, and doesn't want to let me go (right now)...
i. If you don't want to lose me, then don't lose me. But I'm not going to do this 'let's be friends' crap. We both know being friends won't work out, and at this point I'd rather we both go our separate ways and do our own thing. We had a good relationship; I'd rather end it that way.
d. Rebuild confidence
i. Smile, Look Great….
It helped me to do this exercise... comments?