I am seeking impartial advice on a messy situation.

I decided to get into a relationship with my boyfriend despite knowing his ex-girlfriend was what we call a "bunny boiler" - they had split in November, and me and my boyfriend got together in June. When she realised he was seeing me, she all-of-a-sudden started ringing him constantly, interfering via Facebook and via his friends, just to make her presence felt.

I put it down to the fact that she was jealous that he was moving on, and my boyfriend made it clear to me that he wanted no contact with her and felt nothing towards her because she hurt him really bad. We carried on as normal.

He later went on a lads holiday - I trusted him completely and had no issues with him going away. When he came home, we had made arrangements to meet up so I could hear all about his holiday, but later cancelled our plans due to a rash that had broken out all over my body due to an allergic reaction which made me feel embarrassed to be seen.

He told me over the phone after telling me his news that it was also his sister's birthday and that he was going to town that night to celebrate with her but wanted me to know that his ex would be there (his sister and his ex were good friends before him and her got together) - he asked if I was OK with it and if it was OK for him to go along, and despite me being furious, I told him that I could not stop him from celebrating his sister's birthday with her and to be careful and enjoy himself.

The next day, he called quite late into the afternoon (I put it down to a hangover) - from out of nowhere I had these doubts and confronted him with questions like whether he was sleeping with her still when we were dating because I wanted to know if I had been played and seeing me and her at the same time. He assured me that he had not slept with her since breaking up with her in November and had not been intimate with her in all the time that me and him were dating and eventually got together. I believed him. I also asked if she had caused a scene on the night out, and he told me that she had ignored him all night and he had left early due to being tired and poor after returning from holiday.

Last weekend was a big weekend birthday-wise where 3 of his mates were celebrating birthdays that fell around the same day. A lot of photos were taken of everyone, including me and him having a fabulous time and looking loved-up. They were added onto Facebook by one of his friends.

The same day, his ex then sends me a private message on Facebook. She went into detail saying she wasn't trying to be the "bitter and jeaolous ex" but thought that I should know that the night of his sister's birthday he had gone home with her, did the obvious which doesn't need to be spelt out, and that he was trying to find a way out of the relationship with me without having to tell me that he had done the dirty. She claims she just wants me to know the truth and not to be a made a fool of.

He denies everything and says she is jealous and he has fallen for me and wouldn't dream of hurting me. But he admitted to lying about the last time he slept with her (which was around April-May time when we were dating and seeing each other regularly). He also admitted that they had been texting her when me and him were going through a rough patch. Although he admits to the lies, he is still adamant that he has not cheated.

Something tells me that there is an element of truth to what she is saying, but I want to believe so bad that he would be the last person on earth to hurt me.

Has he cheated, or is his ex out there to cause hurt and pain to someone who is innocent in all this like me?

The first thing I would do is block her from Facebook so she can't send you a message again.

During the 9 months since he split with her, and has been with you, have there been other incidents where she has texted, called, emailed etc. that you know of? If so, what was the nature of her contact with him.

Has she ever contacted you personally before with a story like this?

She may simply have used the fact that because she was in the company of your boyfriends sister that night, to put forward a lie, knowing it would get back to him. Then logic would have it that he would contact her over it. And you're right there is some truth to it- they were at the same place at the same time.

But, as upset as you are, and I would be too, to take what is probably a lie on her part, to mean that he deserves to be interrogated, or questioned about all things to do with her going back nine months, is a bit much.

But, that you felt the need to do this, tells me that you aren't 100% sure that something hasn't happened. You've not been with him very long, and at this point, I would proceed with caution.

Try not to get caught up in the drama that the ex is putting out there. When a seed of doubt is planted, sometimes we go about finding enough evidence from no information to justify its truth, and do far more destruction than the message warrents.

There have been other incidents when she has called (mainly when drunk, or to seek advice etc). But she has never contacted me personally, only until now.

It's funny you say that, because after she had sent the message, I rang him straight away to confront him. He then told me he had contacted her to ask her what she was playing at. He said that she responded with "If I can't have you then no-one can" - whether those were her exact words even, or just him trying to reassure me that she was lying I don't know...

What do you suggest is the way forward? Do I forgive and forget or move on? Because the way I feel I just don't know if I could trust him.

I don't know what kind of man your boyfriend is. Maybe he just cares enough to listen when this woman has problems. Then again, maybe he has to listen because he feels she has some hammer over his head if he doesn't. What that hammer could be, who knows. But, for some reason that is not obvious, she remains contacting him, and he remains responding in some way.

I would have so much more respect for this other woman, if she were honourable enough to call you and ask to meet for coffee. If she were able to talk woman to woman with respect and consideration about the man in the middle, the two of you may just learn that you are both being played.

At the moment all you can do in my opinion, is assume your boyfriend is telling the truth. I would add a few suggestions to that, and for one, ask him to agree to no longer be her confidant when she needs advice, delete and block her phone number from his cell, and his Facebook. Any contact he has directly or indirectly with this woman (especially with you now directly involved because of the text), has to stop.

I don't see where he should hesitate to completely sever ties.

You have then set the reasonable groundwork to let him know that you're not an idiot, and you have good reason to have doubt (whether right or wrong). Point out how he would feel if your ex called you drunk in the middle of the night for advice, or sent a text etc.

It is a small compromise on his part, if she really means nothing, and you are letting him know, that you aren't going to be suckered by him, or her.

But stop with all discussion and digging. That will get you nowhere.

You will soon enough know if he has severed ties.

Maybe I am an old school kind of guy, but no way would I allow an ex to be messing with my new girlfriends head.

I don't know if they still have a thing or she is a crazy psycho up to no good, but I do know if she can throw crap into his business, then he ain't handling it correctly. Maybe that's what you need to know about this fellow, and tell him he better keep his crap away from you, and if he can't handle it, you will, and you doubt if he likes it one bit.

I don't see this as a matter of trust this early on, but a matter of not being intimidated by someone who may be trying to break you up. Have you met his sister yet? If so, do you get along?

May be your boyfriend did not want to tell you about him texting her because he did not want to hurt you or keep you worried. May be he was not able to avoid her totally, so he ended up texting her.
But now that you know that there were things hidden, and there might be things that you are not aware of. I would suggest, forgive him this time, but tell him clearly, next time something like this happens and somehow you find out he is talking to her behind your back, you won't be there in his life, never again.

He is too nice, so it is quite possible he is handling it incorrectly and is unsure about the right way to erase her totally from his life - they have a lot of mutual friends so it's difficult to avoid her completely sometimes.

I have met two of his three sisters, but not the one in question. She has been eager to meet me but we have not met as of yet.